99 Lies: Hinase Riri’s Side
“Suzuna’s birthday… isn’t right?”
It was a conversation I couldn’t believe I was having.
“Um, well…”
Suzuna looked away.
She has that habit when something hits a nerve, and she doesn’t even deny it.
“Suzuna, did you lie to me?”
What’s the point of telling me a fake birthday?
Does that mean birthdays don’t matter to her?
Then why did she give me a present on my birthday?
I felt like the necklace was tightening around my neck, choking me.
“Hinase-san, is something wrong with Suzuna?”
Shindo, sitting in front of Suzuna, asked.
Since Suzuna remained silent, it might be faster to ask Shindo.
“When is Suzuna’s birthday?”
“Eh, it’s in August…”
“I see. What were you planning to do for her birthday, Shindo?”
“Well, Suzuna is always alone, so I’ve always celebrated her birthday with her. Every year.”
What?
I’ve never heard of this.
Suzuna never told me.
“Since it’s during summer break, I was checking her schedule to celebrate with her this year too… though she never has any plans.”
Shindo’s tone towards Suzuna was too casual.
It might have been fine before.
But Suzuna is with me now; there’s no way I can allow that.
“H-Hey, Shindo-kun… she didn’t say anything about doing that with you.”
“Huh? We always do.”
“But this year is different…”
I remembered when I asked Suzuna about her plans for summer break yesterday.
“So we’ll be together all of summer break.”
“Yeah, I think it’ll be fine.”
“…You think?”
“Something might come up.”
She gave me such a vague, evasive answer.
I said I’d cancel all my plans.
So this is that “something.”
Their annual birthday celebration.
So she didn’t want me to interfere?
Is that why she told me a fake birthday?
That doesn’t make sense, and I don’t want to believe it.
But how else can I explain this?
“Suzuna, you wanted Shindo to celebrate your birthday that much?”
“No, that’s not it, Riri-chan…”
“Then why did you tell me a fake birthday? What was that about June?”
“That’s… um… well…”
Suzuna just opened and closed her mouth, not offering a proper explanation.
That’s the same as admitting it.
“You did that to Hinase-san? That’s messed up. Hey, Suzuna, you wanted me to celebrate with you that much?”
I’m angry at Suzuna.
But I’m also angry at Shindo.
I’m dating Suzuna, and yet, she’s prioritizing Shindo over me.
A mere childhood friend knows a side of Suzuna that I don’t and is being sought out by her.
There’s nothing more unpleasant than this.
“Shindo, do you know what kind of stuffed animals Suzuna likes?”
I wanted to know what he was planning to get Suzuna for her birthday, if he knew her preferences.
I was being competitive.
“Stuffed animals…? Does Suzuna even like those? She didn’t have any in her room.”
“…”
I was speechless.
It annoys me that he’s been to her house, but…
More than that, I’m shocked that he, Shindo, who’s known Suzuna for so long, said she doesn’t like stuffed animals.
“W-Well, she started liking them recently…”
“Ah, is that so? She suddenly became interested in childish things.”
Come to think of it, the only stuffed animals in Suzuna’s room were the penguins I gave her.
Isn’t it strange for a girl who likes stuffed animals to not have any until she received them as a present?
Just how much of what Suzuna says is true?
“Suzuna, was that also a lie?”
“N-No, it’s not a lie! It’s true!”
Then is Shindo lying?
No, there’s no reason for him to lie.
And come to think of it, Suzuna has been acting strangely since we first met.
“Amatsuki-san, do you like sweets?”
“…I hate them.”
Suzuna liked sweets.
“It’s after school, aren’t you a little hungry?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Ah, then you must be thirsty, right? We ran quite a bit, and you were out of breath, Amatsuki-san.”
“I’m not thirsty.”
She lied so casually.
Could it be that she’s been lying all along?
The stuffed animals were a lie.
Her birthday was a lie.
And her feelings for me are also a lie—
“…I see. Okay.”
This is bad.
If I stay here, I’ll do something I’ll regret.
I can’t stay here.
“Riri-chan, wait!”
Suzuna, raising her voice unusually, grabbed my wrist.
But I don’t want to be touched by that hand right now.
“Let go.”
I shook off Suzuna’s hand.
“Eh…”
Suzuna’s sad voice.
It made my chest ache.
But this is my pain.
There’s no worse betrayal than this.
I didn’t look at Suzuna and ran out into the hallway.
◇◇◇
“R-Riri-chan!”
As I was walking home, I heard a voice calling out to me.
I turned around, and there was Suzuna, out of breath and without her bag.
“…What?”
I’m not sure I can talk to her calmly right now.
“Listen, what happened earlier… is different.”
“Different how…?”
“What Shindo-kun said… is completely wrong.”
Suzuna will probably try to explain everything, saying it was a misunderstanding.
But that’s not the issue.
Suzuna has been hiding things about Shindo, not telling me the truth.
That feeling of dissonance has always been there.
And now, the truth has been revealed.
Maybe there really is a misunderstanding.
But…
“How am I supposed to believe that?”
“That’s what I’m trying to—”
“Can you honestly say you’ve been telling me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, Suzuna?”
“…!”
Suzuna immediately fell silent at those words.
See, that’s the answer.
If what Shindo said was truly a misunderstanding…
She wouldn’t have fallen silent just from that one question.
Even if everything else wasn’t a lie, there’s a real lie somewhere, that’s why she’s silent.
I can tell just from looking at her.
I can understand just from her reaction because I’ve been watching her closely.
“You said, ‘I’m on your side, Suzuna. Tell me anything.’ And ‘Don’t lie.’”
“That’s…”
Suzuna remained silent, looking down.
“You’re human, so I understand that you can’t always tell the truth. But… I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why you’d lie about this.”
“…”
I still wanted her to deny it.
Even if it was a lie, I wanted her to deny everything.
I wanted her to say there was a reason.
But she’s not doing that because she feels guilty, probably.
“I don’t think I can… be with you for a while, Suzuna.”
“…Okay.”
She gives up so easily.
If she really liked me, loved me, wouldn’t she hold on?
Wouldn’t she try to stop me?
I wanted someone who would always be with me.
100 Retribution
“Suzuna, did you lie to me?”
I couldn’t answer her accusing question.
“Suzuna, you wanted Shindo to celebrate your birthday that much?”
That’s not true.
I don’t want Shindo-kun to celebrate my birthday at all.
“Then why did you tell me a fake birthday? What was that about June?”
I can’t tell her.
How can I explain something as nonsensical as being a reincarnator?
How can I make her believe me?
“Shindo, do you know what kind of stuffed animals Suzuna likes?”
“Stuffed animals…? Does Suzuna even like those? She didn’t have any in her room.”
Hurt and confusion flickered in Riri-chan’s eyes.
No, that’s not right!
That’s Amatsuki Suzuna, not me, Yukitsuki Mashiro!
“Suzuna, was that also a lie?”
“N-No, it’s not a lie! It’s true!”
But it was too late.
The accumulated lies and misunderstandings intertwined, obscuring the truth.
The person reflected in Riri-chan’s eyes was a liar.
Her downcast gaze no longer met mine.
“Riri-chan, wait!”
I grabbed her wrist as she turned to leave.
“Let go.”
She shook off my hand.
It was the first time Riri-chan rejected me.
It hurt.
Not my hand, but my chest, my heart.
But I couldn’t stop myself from chasing after her.
I desperately pursued her.
◇◇◇
I finally caught up to her and made her turn around.
She usually forgives me easily.
“Suzuna, can you honestly say you’ve been telling me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”
I can’t.
Because my very existence is a lie.
I don’t know how to explain anything.
Denying Amatsuki Suzuna and revealing Yukitsuki Mashiro…
It’s too late for that now.
“You said, ‘I’m on your side, Suzuna. Tell me anything.’ And ‘Don’t lie.’”
I couldn’t tell her because of that trust.
I couldn’t deny the “Amatsuki Suzuna” she knew.
I didn’t have the confidence that she’d still like me after knowing the real me.
“You’re human, so I understand that you can’t always tell the truth. But… I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why you’d lie about this.”
I don’t understand either.
I didn’t want this to happen.
“I don’t think I can… be with you for a while, Suzuna.”
Rejection.
Riri-chan, who has always been with me, is letting go of my hand.
No.
Pain, suffering, sadness, loneliness, fear.
A whirlpool of negative emotions. I wanted to grab her hand, the hand that saved me from them.
“…Okay.”
But I realized something.
I don’t have the right to wish for that.
How many times have I rejected Riri-chan like this since we met?
And every time, she never showed any displeasure, always staying by my side.
How much pain have I caused her, how oblivious have I been?
I can’t forgive myself for finally realizing it now.
◇◇◇
The next morning, I was alone.
There was a message from Riri-chan on my phone: “Let’s go to school separately for a while.”
A short, simple, and indifferent message.
She usually sends emojis, emoticons, and stickers.
Just that one line made the distance between us feel real.
I don’t want to go.
I don’t want to go to school alone.
I’m not sure I can handle the loneliness.
But maybe something will change if I go to school.
Believing that, I forced my leaden body to move.
◇◇◇
“…Eh?”
That faint hope was immediately crushed.
Riri-chan’s blouse was unbuttoned, and her skirt was short again.
The necklace was gone, and so was the bite mark on her leg.
Those were the things that bound her to me, the proof that she was mine.
The fact that she discarded them all means she doesn’t want to keep any trace of me.
It means she’s abandoned me.
Stunned, I sat down at my desk alone.
It’s been a while since I’ve been alone and silent in the noisy classroom.
◇◇◇
Lunch break.
“Hey, Riri, aren’t you eating lunch with Amatsuki today?”
I heard Kaede-san’s voice.
“Ah… yeah. I wanted to eat with everyone for a change.”
Riri-chan casually blended in with her friends.
It’s fine, she just reverted to her former self.
I’ll get used to it soon.
“…Ah.”
I forgot to prepare lunch.
I always forgot because Riri-chan made it for me.
Just as I was telling myself it was okay… this happened.
A sudden error.
I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I couldn’t stay in the classroom.
I don’t have lunch, so I’ll go to the school store and buy something.
I told myself that without any real conviction and stood up.
I walked past Riri-chan and her friends.
I could hear their voices, but I couldn’t look at them.
What if I made eye contact with Riri-chan, and she looked away?
What if she’s lost all interest in me and won’t even look at me?
I’m afraid of finding out.
I left the classroom as if running away.
◇◇◇
After school.
I was alone in the classroom.
I didn’t have the courage to go home yet.
…Or rather, I was holding onto a faint hope.
That maybe… Riri-chan would call out to me.
That maybe… she’d forgive me.
But that didn’t happen.
Riri-chan left school with Tachibana-san and the others.
It’s only natural.
I’m the strange one, clinging to hope.
Riri-chan once patted my head when I was feeling down on an evening like this.
She won’t do that anymore.
I gave up and left the classroom.
◇◇◇
I went down the stairs.
This landing is where Riri-chan and I first kissed cheeks.
I walked towards the entrance.
That wall is where Riri-chan leaned against, waiting for me.
I passed by the park.
That’s where we promised to celebrate her birthday and shared our first deep kiss.
The corner of the residential street.
That’s where Riri-chan, jealous of my past, kissed me almost angrily.
The downtown area.
That’s where Riri-chan—
My vision blurred.
“No matter… where I go… you’re there…”
The dazzling setting sun and the blurring scenery overwhelmed me, and the world crumbled.
Riri-chan isn’t here.
And yet, she’s everywhere I look.
Even when I try to push her out of my mind, the memories etched into my heart call out to her.
If I keep indulging in these memories, I’ll drown in them.
Wiping away the tears, I ignored everything and went home.
If I return to a world consisting only of myself, I might be able to endure this.
As if driven by instinct, I climbed the stairs and fled to my room.
“…Ah.”
It’s no use.
The two pairs of penguin plushies were lying on the bed.
The present Riri-chan gave me for my birthday, Yukitsuki Mashiro’s birthday.
Riri-chan’s presence is everywhere.
She won’t let me erase her from my memory.
“…Ugh…”
I collapsed onto my knees and hugged the plushies.
Something within me broke, and tears streamed down my face.
My chest ached, and I couldn’t stop sobbing.
I was supposed to be fine alone.
I wasn’t supposed to want to be involved with anyone.
Riri-chan isn’t here.
And the world has lost its color.
I shouldn’t have known.
If it’s this painful, this agonizing, this sad, this lonely, this terrifying…
I should have stayed alone forever.
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