95 Past and Present Relationships
After school.
“The final exams are coming up soon.”
Shindo-kun spoke to me as I was getting ready to go home.
“That’s true.”
Just when I thought the flurry of events from the sports festival to the cultural festival was over, now it’s exam season.
I wish this hectic schedule would stop.
“Are you studying?”
“No, not at all.”
“Me neither.”
“Isn’t that bad?”
“You too.”
Casual, everyday conversation.
Even so, I’m the only one Shindo-kun talks to among the heroines at school.
“Hey, teach me again like before.”
How long ago is he referring to?
Is he talking about the study session we had in the student council room with all the heroines?
Or is he talking about older memories with Amatsuki Suzuna, his childhood friend?
…Either way.
“Sorry, I think that will be difficult.”
“Do you have something to do?”
“I do.”
I feel like I will have something to do, and even if I don’t, I shouldn’t study with Shindo-kun.
“…With Hinase-san…?”
“Maybe.”
I nodded, since there’s no reason to deny it.
“You’ve really become close with Hinase lately.”
“…Yeah.”
I can’t tell him it’s because we’re dating.
“I see, I see, then it can’t be helped.”
Shindo-kun paused slightly.
“You’ve changed, Suzuna.”
“…Have I?”
From Shindo-kun’s perspective, his childhood friend, whom he’s known for so long, has become distant.
So he’s probably not happy about it.
“Yeah, you seem like a different person.”
…Well, I am a different person.
And I can’t get closer to Shindo-kun.
Even after the cultural festival, there’s been no progress in his relationships with the heroines.
At this rate, I might end up with the bad ending, the one where I get closer to him.
“Suzuna, let’s go home!”
Riri-chan’s voice called out to me.
“Ah, okay, I’m coming.”
During the cultural festival, which was supposed to be a branching point, I was only thinking about Riri-chan.
The individual routes branch off at the start of the new semester in September, after summer break.
In other words, a little over a month from now.
I have to think about what will happen as time passes.
“See you later, Shindo-kun.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
◇◇◇
“What were you talking about with Shindo?”
Riri-chan’s tone was slightly sharp.
She might be bothered by something.
“It was nothing, we were just talking about how the final exams are coming up soon.”
“…Anything else?”
I’ve told Riri-chan many times that Shindo-kun is nothing to me.
And she said she understood.
But today is different, it seems.
“He just asked me to help him study.”
“…Don’t tell me…”
“I refused. That’s definitely not happening.”
I’m talking about the ending in this world.
I know it’s not good, for Riri-chan’s sake and mine.
“…Okay, if you say so.”
But Riri-chan’s mood didn’t improve.
She remained sullen as we went outside.
I don’t want to go home in this awkward atmosphere.
“What’s wrong, Riri-chan? You’ve been acting strange.”
“…I’m just… not happy.”
“Not happy?”
“Shindo’s a childhood friend you’ve known for a long time, so you talk to him casually, right?”
“Well…”
That’s what childhood friends do.
“I know you don’t have feelings for Shindo anymore, Suzuna. But you’re still talking to him because of your past relationship, right?”
“That might be true.”
“I only know the Suzuna from our second year. I can’t compete with that kind of long-term relationship.”
“Ah, well…”
That might be true, but…
“But it’s the same for both of us, isn’t it? You have a childhood friend too, Riri-chan.”
“I do, but I don’t have a male childhood friend who talks to me so casually.”
“Ah, I see…”
That’s right, Riri-chan said she’s not good with boys.
Maybe she doesn’t understand a relationship like Amatsuki Suzuna and Shindo Minato.
“So—”
“Eh, ah!”
Was it intentional, or not?
I was suddenly pushed against the wall of a quiet street.
“H-Hey, Riri-chan…”
“Just be quiet.”
She kissed me.
After a few deep kisses, our lips finally parted.
Today’s kiss was more forceful than before, almost… painful.
“I’m the only one who can kiss you like this, Suzuna, the only one who can see this side of you.”
What does she want, saying such embarrassing things with a straight face?
This conversation has strayed far from the topic of Shindo-kun.
“…That’s true.”
“But your memories, your past relationships, they don’t belong to me. And that frustrates me.”
“Frustrates you…?”
“It frustrates me that your past doesn’t belong to me. And that the relationship you had then is still continuing in a different form.”
“That’s…”
“I know, I know, it’s pointless to think about it. And I’m not saying it’s your fault, Suzuna. But I can’t help but think…”
Riri-chan looked away as she spoke.
“Why wasn’t I your first love?”
“…Ah.”
So that’s what it was.
Riri-chan is my first love, but for Amatsuki Suzuna, it was Shindo Minato.
That relationship always follows us, and that’s what frustrates Riri-chan.
But that’s not true.
That’s Amatsuki Suzuna’s story, not mine, Yukitsuki Mashiro.
So we’re actually the same.
“Th-That’s not true, Riri-chan… it’s really not like that…”
“It’s okay, Suzuna. I know I’m being stupid.”
“No, really, I never liked Shindo-kun from the beginn—”
How do I explain this?
How do I make her understand that it’s Amatsuki Suzuna’s story, not Yukitsuki Mashiro’s?
Would she believe me if I said I’m a different person, reincarnated?
Would she understand everything if I told her that?
“Sorry, I was being mean. It’s not your fault, Suzuna.”
Riri-chan gently stroked my head.
Her touch and her voice were truly gentle, and yet, it was painful.
The existence of Amatsuki Suzuna continues to haunt me, no matter how much I struggle.
That existence, which is me and yet not me, is distorting my relationship with Riri-chan.
If I could just tell her the truth, if she could just believe me…
This small dissonance would disappear, and I think we could become even closer.
“I know that you’re only mine now, Suzuna. I should be satisfied with that. I’m so childish.”
…I’ve only ever been yours, Riri-chan.
And yet, maybe the reason I don’t have the courage to tell her the truth is because I’m relying on the existence of Amatsuki Suzuna.
96 Maybe I’m Being Tamed: Hinase Riri’s Side
Suzuna is generally quiet and reserved.
She dislikes trouble and avoids standing out.
But there are two things that can suddenly trigger a dramatic change in her behavior.
One is anything related to me.
She suddenly started practicing volleyball alone, bit me when she got angry, and even went shopping at an unfamiliar store for my birthday present.
She noticed the small cut on my finger that no one else did, and she even confessed her feelings to me.
None of these are things the usual Suzuna would do; it’s a side of her she only shows me.
That makes me feel special, and I’m happy about it.
But I’m not the only trigger for her sudden bursts of activity.
The other is anything related to Shindo Minato.
Suzuna also acts strangely towards Shindo.
She tried to teach his younger sister, Shindo Kokona, how to cook, organized a study session, and talked to him during the sports festival when I wasn’t around.
More than anything, her attitude towards him is different.
Suzuna, who usually shows no interest in anyone, is clearly interested in him.
She told me it wasn’t romantic love, but she hasn’t revealed what it is.
Suzuna is hiding something about Shindo.
That much is clear.
She just avoids the topic whenever I ask, refusing to answer directly.
I didn’t mind at first.
But now that we’re dating, I can’t overlook these subtle changes.
I can’t stand the thought of her being interested in someone else besides me.
I’m being childish.
I know that.
But I can’t help it.
I just want Suzuna all to myself.
◇◇◇
“Hey, Suzuna, help me study for the finals.”
I asked Suzuna, linking arms with her as we walked home.
Suzuna used to try to pull away immediately, but she’s become more accepting since we started dating.
That makes me very happy.
Suzuna’s arms are slender, her delicate frame seeming fragile.
“Okay, but… where are we studying? The cafe?”
“How about at home?”
Neither of us has parents at home, and our relationship has changed, so there’s no need to go to the cafe every time.
“…Ah, yeah, that’s fine.”
Suzuna looked away.
She has a habit of averting her gaze when she’s thinking about something.
“Suzuna, are you thinking of something… strange?”
“What do you mean, ‘strange’?”
Her tone suddenly became curt.
Her tone usually changes when I hit a nerve.
“I know you well enough to tell, Suzuna.”
I teased her, deliberately being vague.
“You’re annoying, Riri-chan.”
“Should I do it again?”
“I’m going home alone.”
“Ah, just kidding.”
Suzuna uses strong words like “going home alone,” but she doesn’t actually let go of my arm.
She probably doesn’t want to leave me, I think.
I find that change cute.
◇◇◇
We studied at Suzuna’s house.
I’ve become used to this house, and being with Suzuna has become quite natural.
Being together feels normal, and being apart feels strange.
That’s the kind of relationship I wanted.
And I’m wearing the necklace Suzuna gave me.
Wanting to touch it, to feel a stronger connection to her, I unbuttoned my blouse.
It felt cool against my skin.
“…Riri-chan.”
“Hmm? What?”
Suzuna, sitting across from me at the low table, was giving me a sharp look.
But she wasn’t making eye contact.
“Why did you unbutton your blouse?”
Ah, she was looking at my chest.
“It’s stuffy, and I wanted to touch my necklace.”
“…Hmm.”
“Ah, did that make your heart race?”
Suzuna’s gaze sharpened even further.
“Of course not.”
“It’s okay if it did.”
And since she’s reacting so strongly to just one button undone, it’s not like she doesn’t feel anything.
But Suzuna avoids that kind of communication.
It’s like my birthday never happened.
“It’s fine at home, but button it up when we’re outside.”
She said reprovingly.
“But if we’re not at school, it’s fine, isn’t it?”
“It’s okay to show the necklace, but not your chest.”
So she’s basically telling me to button up.
“I was thinking… you’re saying that because you’re looking at my chest, aren’t you, Suzuna? You call me a pervert, but you’re thinking about that kind of thing too?”
Since Suzuna always denies that kind of thing, she’ll probably deny this too.
Then she won’t be able to complain about my clothes anymore.
Because if she doesn’t care, there’s no reason for me not to do it.
“…Is it bad if I am?”
An unexpected answer.
I didn’t think she’d admit it so readily.
“Ah, hmm… so you think about that kind of thing too, Suzuna.”
Her answer was so unexpected that I didn’t know how to react.
“Of course I do. But I don’t want you to… show that side of you to anyone else. So don’t.”
“…”
“Well?”
“Well, I guess… just the blouse is fine.”
I have to button it up at school anyway.
“And lengthen your skirt.”
“No way, this is fine.”
I understand the blouse, but…
The skirt is an overreaction.
It’s just fashion.
“…You’re not listening, are you?”
Suzuna suddenly stood up.
She sat down next to me.
And stared intently at my legs.
“Suzuna?”
“…Then I’ll do this.”
Suzuna lowered her head and started biting my leg.
“Ouch…”
A sharp pain shot through my left thigh.
I forgot since it’s been a while.
Suzuna bites me when her emotions are in turmoil.
I was about to stop her because it hurt when she looked up.
“How about… here?”
The bite mark was close to my knee.
With the length of my skirt, it would be visible.
“This… can be seen.”
She’s always bitten places that could be hidden.
“Then hide it. Lengthen your skirt.”
“…You’d go this far…?”
I think Suzuna is losing it.
Biting my leg and leaving a mark in a visible place just to make me lengthen my skirt…
That’s not normal behavior.
“I will.”
Suzuna touched my necklace.
“This necklace binds your neck, and I can bind your legs by biting them. So I will.”
“That’s… twisted.”
Suzuna pouted, seemingly aware of it.
“I know. But I want to do this.”
“…I like that side of you, but sometimes, I want a normal expression of affection.”
I know it’s wishful thinking.
But I don’t think it would hurt to receive Suzuna’s straightforward love sometimes.
“Normal…”
“Yeah, normal.”
I know it’s impossible for the twisted Suzuna-chan.
But it would be nice if she’d say something straightforward like “cute” or “I like you” sometimes.
Suzuna always has to have some kind of… twist.
“…”
Suzuna suddenly knelt down and straddled me.
“Riri-chan.”
“What? Are you going to bite my face next?— Hey!”
She pulled me closer.
Thump, thump, thump The sound of my heartbeat.
And Suzuna’s gentle scent filled my nostrils.
She hugged me, and I buried my face in her chest.
“…Like this?”
Her voice trailed off, lacking confidence.
“Ah… yeah.”
Apparently, I’m the type who melts at the slightest bit of affection from Suzuna.
I’m surprised by how easily swayed I am.
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