37 Something Intangible
“Suzuna, I can’t do this anymore…”
After about an hour of studying at the cafe, Riri-chan slumped onto the table, defeated.
I could practically see smoke coming out of her head.
“But you were the one who said you wanted to study…”
“I didn’t think I’d have to concentrate for this long.”
“But it’s only been about an hour.”
“Even classes aren’t this long.”
That might be true, but…
“You’re not good at studying, are you?”
Not that I’m good at it either.
“I don’t like it. I can’t… keep reading.”
“Then should we switch to math?”
“That doesn’t mean numbers are okay.”
“Oh, I see…”
Duly noted.
“Let’s take a break, a break.”
Riri-chan rested her chin on the table and tapped my textbook with both hands.
That gesture was childish and somehow cute.
“Well, you’re right. Studying too much is tiring.”
I might have been too tense, thinking I had to teach Riri-chan.
I realized I had been studying quite seriously, and I was surprisingly tired.
I let out a breath and leaned back against the sofa.
“Then, next is love talk.”
“…Excuse me?”
Riri-chan was grinning.
She looked really excited.
“Love talk, it’s normal to talk about love.”
“…I-I don’t know what ‘normal’ is.”
Romance is something that exists in a faraway world, as far as I’m concerned.
It’s not a topic I’d talk about personally.
“No, no, what are you saying? You used to like Shindo, right? Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“…That’s true, but…”
It’s true, but it’s also not true.
That was Amatsuki Suzuna, not me, Yukitsuki Mashiro.
But I can’t say that, so I just nodded silently, feeling frustrated.
“So, you don’t have anyone you like now?”
I couldn’t look Riri-chan in the eye, so I averted my gaze.
“O-Of course not!”
This complicated situation is because I can’t bring myself to like Shindo Minato, the protagonist.
“Really? You don’t have to be embarrassed.”
No, it would be embarrassing, no matter how you look at it.
“What about you, Riri-chan? Since you brought it up, do you have someone you like?”
I desperately tried to deflect the question back to Riri-chan.
I don’t think I can escape this topic, but being bombarded with questions is also tough.
“Yeah, I have someone I like.”
Riri-chan said casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
She has someone she likes.
“Eh…?”
No, that’s strange.
Riri-chan isn’t interested in Shindo Minato, the protagonist, right now.
The character Hinase Riri is designed to like Shindo Minato.
Is it even possible for her to like someone else?
“S-Seriously…?”
“Seriously.”
“Wh-Who…?”
Riri-chan chuckled and sipped her tea, teasing me.
She’s being very coy.
“Do you want to know?”
“I do.”
Who is the person who captured Hinase Riri’s heart?
I’m curious, for various reasons.
“It’s a secret.”
“Eh…”
I was completely shut down.
Isn’t this supposed to be the part where she tells me?
“Because you won’t tell me, Suzuna. It’s not fair if I’m the only one who shares.”
“…Well, I guess that’s true.”
It’s true that it would be presumptuous of me to expect her to just tell me.
“Fufu, if you want to know, you have to confess too, Suzuna.”
Riri-chan wouldn’t tell me, no matter how much I asked.
◇◇◇
“Well, we ended up just chatting, didn’t we?”
Leaving the cafe, Riri-chan stretched widely.
It was already completely dark outside.
We ended up spending the last two hours just chatting about random things.
It’s incredibly inefficient that we spent far more time talking than studying.
“I was thinking we should study…”
This counts as loitering; Kanaori-san will be angry.
“Well, it’s fine. I had fun spending time with you, Suzuna.”
“…Yeah, that’s true.”
Time really does fly when I’m with Riri-chan.
I thought I was bad at talking to people, but it was a discovery that I could talk for this long.
“Ehehe.”
Riri-chan grinned and leaned against me.
“Riri-chan?”
“Let’s take a picture.”
“…A picture?”
“Why are you speaking English?”
I’m not good with pictures, so I wanted to escape.
It’s that thing, right? Taking selfies at flattering angles.
“It’s fine since we’re friends, right?”
Riri-chan’s eyes sparkled.
For some reason, she wants to take a picture with me.
But I don’t want to…
“Um, well, it’s already dark outside. I don’t think the picture will turn out well.”
“Ah, then let’s take it by the store’s sign. It’s lit up, and there are streetlights too.”
I guess it can’t be helped…
Unable to think of another excuse, I let myself be dragged along.
“Okay, say cheese!”
“Ah, a-a-a…”
What expression should I make? And where should I look? Wait, the pose is also important, isn’t it? Should I keep my mouth closed? But that might make me look grumpy. But if I open it, I might look stupid…
Ah, I don’t know the right answer!
—Click
The camera shutter clicked.
“Suzuna, your expression is so stiff.”
Riri-chan giggled, looking at the picture.
I looked at the phone. Riri-chan was making a cute peace sign near her face, while I was looking off into the distance with my mouth half-open.
“I… request deletion…”
“Eh, it’s fine. It’s cute in its own way.”
“H-How is this…?”
“Then let’s take another one.”
This… ordeal… again…?
I can only imagine a future filled with more of these failed pictures.
“It’s fine, look at the phone screen properly. You only messed up because you were acting so strangely.”
I did as Riri-chan said.
The camera shutter clicked again.
“See? This one is good, right?”
“…I guess.”
My expression was still stiff, but it was a picture of Amatsuki Suzuna that I could at least bear to look at.
Well, compared to Riri-chan next to me, it’s like the difference between the moon and a mud ball.
“I’ll send it to you later.”
I hesitated for a moment.
Should I really keep such an unflattering picture of myself on my phone?
I briefly considered what kind of masochistic act this was, but…
“Okay, please.”
But since Riri-chan is next to me, I’ll take it.
“Okay. Then I guess we’ll call it a day. See you later, Suzuna.”
“Yeah. Bye-bye, Riri-chan.”
We waved goodbye.
I walked home along the streetlit road.
It was a little chilly at night.
Perhaps because of the silence, I felt a little lonely, separated from Riri-chan’s lively presence.
“I have someone I like.”
Riri-chan’s words came to mind.
I don’t know who it is, but Riri-chan is apparently in love.
Thinking about it, I felt a strange sensation in my chest.
An uncomfortable feeling, a mix of unease and a slight pang.
I don’t know what it is.
Being alone like this, that feeling only intensified.
But I don’t know what it is, so I can’t do anything about it.
“…Strange.”
My words, spoken to no one, disappeared into the night air.
But the intangible something in my chest wouldn’t disappear.
38 Even Volleyballs Hurt When Hit
P.E. class.
It’s the class I hate the most.
“Sigh…”
Heaving a sigh filled with gloom, I somehow made it to the changing room.
Apparently, we’re having volleyball class in the gym today.
I hesitantly changed into my gym clothes.
“…”
Naturally, the other girls were also changing.
They were, of course, in their underwear, and I had a thought.
(Looking at my classmates’ underwear… doesn’t do anything for me, huh?)
I panicked when I saw Riri-chan’s underwear at her house, but I don’t feel anything towards the other girls.
I might think, “She has a nice figure,” or “She has more belly fat than I expected,” but…
That’s about it.
I only have indifferent observations.
But I think that’s normal.
Then why did my heart race so much when I saw Riri-chan’s?
“Suzuna?”
“Wh-What?!”
Riri-chan, in her gym clothes, appeared, bouncing lightly.
“I was wondering why you were looking around so much.”
“I-I wasn’t looking!”
I panicked inwardly, as if Riri-chan had seen right through me.
“Hmm, suspicious. Suzuna, are you interested in girls?”
“Why would you think that?”
“Who knows? Maybe I should take a look too~”
Riri-chan stared intently at me.
“Wh-What?”
“You really are fair-skinned and slender, Suzuna.”
Riri-chan’s gaze moved up and down my body.
Since I was in the middle of changing, I was also in my underwear.
“H-Hey, where are you looking…?”
“Hmm? Where? …Everywhere?”
I don’t understand how she can say that so boldly with a grin.
“Pervert.”
“You were doing the same thing, Suzuna.”
That’s different. I was just looking around, taking in the scenery. I wasn’t focusing on anyone in particular like Riri-chan.
And commenting on someone’s body is the act of a pervert.
“I wasn’t doing tha—”
I was about to say “that,” but I stopped.
I did something similar at Riri-chan’s house.
Even though it was unavoidable, I kept staring.
So does that make me a pervert too?
“You weren’t doing… what?”
“I don’t know.”
Unable to come up with a good excuse, I quickly finished changing into my gym clothes.
◇◇◇
We were playing volleyball in P.E.
The teams were randomly assigned, but we could also form groups with people we liked.
I joined a group that needed an extra person.
They’re nice people for including me, but I felt awkward since I don’t usually interact with them.
Riri-chan, on the other hand, was with Tachibana-san and her usual group of friends.
Riri-chan kept trying to include me, but I asked her not to.
I can’t join their group.
It’s not just because of my social anxiety.
—Tweet
The teacher’s whistle signaled the start of the game.
My team served first, and the other team returned it.
We received the ball, and the toss went up.
…To me.
“Amatsuki-san, here!”
The girl who tossed the ball even called out to me politely.
Thank you.
But I don’t need that.
“Suzuna, go for it!!”
I heard Riri-chan’s voice.
She’s probably watching from the sidelines.
But I don’t have time to check.
Because the ball is falling towards me.
I stared at the ball and jumped, timing my jump.
All I have to do is match the highest point of my jump with the ball’s trajectory and swing my arm.
It’s simple.
“Hiya!”
—Whoosh
My arm sliced through the air.
Strange.
I didn’t hear the sound of the ball being hit.
I looked up again.
The ball was still far above my head.
Apparently, I jumped and swung too early.
“Ouch!”
The ball landed on my head.
A volleyball is quite hard, so it made a decent impact.
The ball rolled at my feet.
“…”
Everyone’s silent.
They’re speechless after witnessing my painful miss.
This is the worst.
“Suzuna! You jumped too early! The ball was still way up there!”
Riri-chan’s cheering was painful to hear.
Stop it, please stop.
Don’t add insult to injury.
I’m just not good at sports.
And I’m especially bad at ball games, which require a sense of timing and practice.
Why do I, a human, have to match the timing of a ball made by humans?
The volleyball should be the one adjusting to me.
“D-Don’t worry, Amatsuki-san. Let’s do our best next time!”
“Yeah… I’m hoping there won’t be a next time.”
“A-Ahaha…”
Even the girl who invited me gave a strained laugh.
I continued to miss the ball every time it came towards me.
Someone kill me.
◇◇◇
Naturally, my team lost.
I don’t care about winning or losing, but if I’m the reason for the loss, I can’t help but feel guilty.
I huddled in a corner, trying to avoid everyone’s gaze.
I wish I could just disappear.
“Suzuna, you were spiking at the air. You’re supposed to hit the volleyball.”
But Riri-chan, ignoring my shame, spoke to me without hesitation.
“I’m trying to hit it, but I can’t.”
“It’s amazing, though. You missed every single one.”
Riri-chan, please don’t rub it in.
I know.
“Now you understand. I didn’t want to burden you with my lack of skill, Riri-chan.”
“Ahh, is that it? You don’t have to worry about it.”
No, I do worry about it.
I don’t want to burden anyone, especially those close to me.
I didn’t even want to be seen playing.
“Riri, it’s our turn.”
Tachibana-san called out to Riri-chan.
“Okay, I’m coming. …Suzuna, watch my game!”
“Yeah, good luck.”
Riri-chan grinned, swung her arms, and entered the court.
…Come to think of it, I wonder how athletic Riri-chan is.
It wasn’t described in detail in the original story.
Well, Riri-chan is in the going-home club and a gal.
So she’s probably not good at sports.
She’s probably leagues better than me, but I’d be happy if we were in the same category.
—Tweet
The whistle blew, signaling the start of the game.
Riri-chan was serving.
“Here I go~”
She tossed the ball and jumped.
Swinging her arm as if to smash it, the ball transformed from a sphere into a line.
—Whack
The next moment, the ball bounced powerfully off the floor.
“…Did you see Hinase Riri-san’s serve just now?”
“I did, I did! And the receiver was Endo-san from the volleyball club! She’s been playing since her first year!”
I also overheard the whispers of my classmates.
…Seriously?
She’s a gal, and she’s good at sports?
“Here, Kaede.”
The game became one-sided.
This time, Riri-chan tossed the ball to Tachibana-san.
“Riri, that was a sloppy toss.”
Even though Tachibana-san complained about the oddly high and off-center toss, she adjusted well and scored a point.
Apparently, Tachibana-san is also good at sports.
Popular people are good at socializing and sports. How nice.
Please be good at just one of them.
I’m not good at either. Sigh…
“But we got the point.”
“Thanks to me.”
They high-fived each other, laughing.
…Seeing that, I felt a pang in my chest.
I wonder why.
Their friendly, understanding atmosphere made me feel… uncomfortable.
I never felt anything before, no matter how close Tachibana-san and Riri-chan were.
But now, it bothered me a lot.
The game ended quickly.
“Suzuna, did you see? I did my best!”
Riri-chan came back to me.
But right now, I wasn’t sure I could talk to her properly.
“I didn’t see.”
“Eh, really? Even though I was so amazing?”
“I don’t care.”
“Aww, that’s too bad. Make sure you watch next time!”
“…Maybe.”
I don’t know why.
But I wasn’t sure I could bear to watch Riri-chan getting along with other girls.
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