101 I Hate You Because I Like You: Hinase Riri’s Side
“Hey, Riri, did you have a fight with Amatsuki?”
As we were walking home after school, Kaede teased me as soon as we were alone.
“What are you talking about?”
“You didn’t talk to Amatsuki at all today.”
“It’s just a coincidence.”
“And you’re not wearing the necklace she gave you. You even buttoned up your blouse yesterday to wear it.”
Ugh…
I was stupid for bragging to Kaede about it yesterday…
“‘Hey, look! Suzuna gave this to me for my birthday. Isn’t it amazing?!’”
Kaede mimicked me in a cutesy voice, her hand next to her face.
That wasn’t her usual tone.
“What was that? Are you imitating me?”
“Yeah, you from yesterday. Similar, right?”
The sudden shift back to her usual tone and demeanor was jarring.
“Not at all! I wasn’t that… giddy.”
“You were even more… lovestruck than my imitation just now.”
“What do you mean, ‘lovestruck’?”
“Like a pet happily receiving a treat.”
“That’s annoying.”
But was I really that giddy?
Kaede teases me sometimes, but she’s not the type to exaggerate and make fun of me.
I must have been acting that way.
“I just happened to forget the necklace.”
“Hmm. Happened to, huh…”
She can’t deny it if I say that.
This conversation is over.
“Then why did you bring two bentos today?”
“That’s… just out of habit…”
I spaced out and unconsciously made two bentos and packed them in my bag.
Habits are scary.
“Well, even if you’re not eating together, you could have given one to Amatsuki.”
“That’s…”
“Amatsuki left the classroom quickly during lunch break, didn’t she? Did she go to the school store to buy something?”
“I… guess?”
I don’t know what she was doing; she didn’t come back to the classroom until class started.
“Well, if you know, you should give it to her.”
“She was… gone.”
“You usually rush to her no matter where she is.”
“Ugh…”
Kaede kept cornering me, no matter how I answered.
“You knew she walked past, but you deliberately pretended not to notice.”
“…That’s just your imagination, Kaede.”
“You’re always staring at her, and you say that?”
Just how much does Kaede observe me?
That’s scary.
“You’re not walking to and from school together, you’re not giving her your bento, you’re not making eye contact, and you’re not talking to her. What do you think that looks like objectively?”
I couldn’t think of a response to that list.
“You had a fight, didn’t you?”
“…It’s Suzuna’s fault.”
I gave up on trying to deceive Kaede.
◇◇◇
“You’re so childish…”
After I briefly explained what happened, Kaede sighed, looking exasperated.
“Who are you calling childish?”
“You, Riri.”
“Me?”
“She just told you the wrong birthday.”
She doesn’t understand.
The unsentimental Kaede doesn’t understand how important that is.
“Doesn’t that make you wonder? Why would she tell you the wrong birthday?”
“Well, that’s definitely strange, but…”
“So?”
“But did you ask her why?”
“…There’s no way I’d understand even if I asked.”
“If she’s doing something that strange, there might be a deeper reason. You should try to understand.”
“Shindo said he was going to celebrate her real birthday. Don’t you think she gave me a fake date because she didn’t want me to interfere?”
That’s right.
They have a strange, close relationship, so she probably thought I was in the way.
“Did… Amatsuki say that?”
“…She didn’t, but… she wouldn’t say that out loud.”
“Hmm, Riri…”
Kaede put her arm around my shoulder.
“You’re… a bit heavy.”
“No, you’re the heavy one…”
What is she saying, leaning on me like that?
“That’s not what I mean. Getting so worked up just because she lied to you, getting angry just because her childhood friend said he’d celebrate with her… Calm down.”
“That’s because you’re not involved, Kaede…”
“With lies, isn’t the reason behind them more important? Amatsuki might have had a reason for doing that. I think you should find out.”
“…That’s…”
“And about Shindo… wasn’t Amatsuki trying to… refuse him?”
“Anyone can say that.”
Kaede shook her head.
“Seriously, I’m listening to your incredibly trivial lovers’ quarrel, and that’s how you respond?”
“L-Lovers’ quarrel…?!”
I haven’t told anyone that I’m dating Suzuna.
“You’re obviously in love with Amatsuki. Your love is too heavy.”
“A-Ahaha… you’re being funny, Kaede.”
“You make her lunch, you get angry when she lies to you, you’re jealous of her interactions with her ex, you’re happy about her present, and you take it off when you’re upset.”
“…”
“You’re clearly Amatsuki’s girl, Riri.”
“S-Suzuna is also a girl!”
Kaede poked my chest.
“And this… you’re not secretly showing it off without wearing it, hoping that Amatsuki will tell you to put it back on, are you?”
“…H-Hey, that’s not…”
“I know you have the necklace in your bag, ready to wear it anytime.”
“…?! You looked in my bag?!”
“No, it was a lucky guess.”
“…Seriously…”
Kaede grinned mischievously.
“Rejecting him and then creating a reason for her to approach you… that’s sly. I thought you were more straightforward, Riri, but you’re so clingy when it comes to love.”
“That’s not true!”
What, what is this?!
Well, it’s not like I didn’t consider that possibility…
And I did show my leg, which still has a faint mark.
I did think that Suzuna might get angry and confront me.
But that was just a possibility.
That’s not what I wanted.
“Getting this worked up about it is proof that you like her. Do you know how easily love and hate can be converted?”
Kaede’s interrogation showed no signs of stopping.
Can’t she just let it go…?
“Just make up with her already.”
“I’m not going to do that just because you told me to!”
“It’s affecting us too, you know.”
“Why?”
“You were always in a good mood when you were getting along with Amatsuki, but you’ve been so gloomy since your fight. Do you know that everyone was walking on eggshells around you today?”
“I was acting normally.”
“You were constantly fidgeting, barely responding to anyone, sighing all the time, and then you suddenly started pulling your hair out.”
“It’s a habit!”
“A habit you have when you’re in a bad mood.”
“…Shut up!”
Kaede just kept laughing.
“Well, I find it amusing, so I don’t really care. But you’ll wear yourself out if you keep this up, Riri. Just a friendly advice.”
“Okay, okay, thank you. But I’m not going to forgive Suzuna until she apologizes.”
“You’re just putting on a brave face. You’ll forgive her immediately if she apologizes, won’t you?”
“…”
“Amatsuki must have a hard time being the emotional support for such a troublesome person.”
I’m not troublesome!
It’s Suzuna’s fault for not saying anything!
Chapter 102: Looking Down
It had been a few days since I last spoke to Riri-chan.
Final exams had begun.
School life, proceeding monotonously with the tests, offered fewer opportunities to talk to people than usual.
That made it a little easier to bear the loneliness of being alone.
So even though I usually hate tests, I’m grateful for them now.
Time passed, but the weight in my chest remained.
I tried to exhale, hoping to lighten the burden, but nothing changed.
Tomorrow is the last day of the final exams.
The closing ceremony will soon follow, and then summer break.
And I’ll continue living my life… without Riri-chan.
I’ll get used to it, surely.
I spent each day believing that.
◇◇◇
Lunch break arrived.
I immediately left the classroom and headed for the school store.
After buying a sandwich, I didn’t return to the classroom but went up the stairs.
Opening the door to the rooftop, a dazzlingly blue sky spread before me.
The sunlight was strong, its heat scorching my skin.
I wished there was at least a breeze.
“Oh, you’re here again.”
Futaba Yuu was on the rooftop.
“…Hello.”
I gave a slight bow and sat down as far away from her as possible.
There were no benches, so I sat directly on the floor.
Since Riri-chan started ignoring me, I’ve been spending my lunch breaks here.
I don’t like it because I’ll get sunburned, and it’s hot, but…
There are people everywhere else, so this is the only place I can be alone.
The only person eccentric enough to be on the rooftop at this time of year is the senpai heroine in front of me.
“Shouldn’t you tell me by now?”
Futaba-senpai was leaning against the railing, holding a carton of juice in her right hand.
“…Tell you what?”
I opened my sandwich.
“Why you’ve been coming here every day lately.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Well, you refused to tell me the first time too, but if this continues, I’m going to get… curious.”
When I came here the first time, she asked the same question, and I didn’t answer. Futaba-senpai, seemingly understanding, kept quiet.
Thanks to that, I was able to spend my lunch breaks here in peace. But today, she’s pressing me for an answer.
I took a bite of my sandwich.
The bread was fluffy, and the egg filling was sweet.
“Do you like this place?”
I was trying to remain silent, but Futaba-senpai was being persistent.
She must have been holding back for quite a while, considering she kept quiet for several days.
“I don’t like school in general.”
I don’t really want to talk to her either.
But now that some time has passed, and my feelings for Riri-chan have calmed down, I have a little more room to talk.
And it’s tiring to keep ignoring someone who’s talking to you, so I guess I have no choice but to answer.
“Hmm, same here.”
“…How are we the same?”
“You’re here because you want to be alone.”
“…”
It’s not like Futaba Yuu doesn’t have any friends.
She’s just eccentric, preferring to be alone during lunch break.
She’s different from me, someone who can’t fit in with a group.
“Oh, was I wrong?”
If anything, we’re the opposite.
I’m alone because I’m looking for a place where I can be alone without being bothered by other people’s gazes.
“…I’m here because I can be alone in peace.”
“Ah, I see.”
She nodded, saying, “I see, I see,” and then there was a short silence.
“But that’s contradictory, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
Futaba-senpai was talkative today.
Maybe I shouldn’t have answered her.
I should have just kept quiet.
“If you don’t like being at school and you don’t like being alone, then you should be with someone, right?”
She’s saying such obvious things again…
People like her can’t understand how a lonely introvert feels.
“It wouldn’t be a problem if I could do that.”
“What about that girl? Hinase Riri-chan. You were close, weren’t you?”
She brought up the name I least wanted to hear right now.
“…”
“Are you not getting along with her?”
“…I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s the same as saying yes.”
Futaba-senpai smiled.
I’m not trying to entertain her.
“I see, so that’s why you’re uncomfortable being here.”
The dry sound of footsteps.
I looked to the side, and Futaba-senpai was approaching.
“…What is it?”
I looked up, but the sun was behind her, so I couldn’t see her face clearly.
“Then how about… I become your place?”
“…Excuse me?”
“If you’ve lost your place with Hinase-chan, I’ll be your place.”
I don’t understand what she means.
“If you don’t like being in the classroom, you can come here every day. I’ll keep you company.”
“…What about when it rains or snows?”
“Then I’ll come to your classroom, Suzuna-chan. You can come here too, of course.”
Would that… fill this loneliness, even a little?
“The fact that you spent time with me here means you think there’s a possibility of us… being together, right?”
…Honestly, I’m just here because there’s nowhere else to go.
But maybe I can see it that way.
“You’re lonely, aren’t you?”
If this were the past me, the me before I met Riri-chan…
I would have been able to be alone in the classroom.
It was normal, so it was fine.
But Riri-chan changed that.
Now that I know what it’s like to be with someone, I can’t bear to be alone anymore.
When did I become so weak?
“Um, why are you doing this for me?”
The one thing I didn’t understand was Futaba-senpai’s motive.
“I told you when we first met, didn’t I? ‘Because you seem interesting.’”
“…I see.”
But would I be able to… relax if I did that?
Would the weight in my chest disappear?
Would this loneliness be filled?
“It’s not easy, is it?”
“…Well, no, it’s not.”
“Tell me your answer tomorrow.”
“That’s… rushing me.”
“You can find the answer within yourself in a day.”
That’s easy for her to say.
I’m not the type of person who can understand myself that well.
That’s why I hurt Riri-chan with my ambiguous attitude.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Futaba-senpai waved and left.
I still don’t know what to do.
Leave a Reply to Vapor Cancel reply