Chapter 94: You Touched Me p2
Ji Junxin looked at Mi Hongdou, a smile appearing on her previously cold face, but it wasn’t a happy smile, and Mi Hongdou felt a sense of foreboding.
As expected, Ji Junxin’s next words made Mi Hongdou want to swallow her earlier question. Ji Junxin, her smile a little mocking, didn’t answer, but instead asked, “What about you? Who is the person that helps you detach?”
The familiar, awkward silence descended.
After a long moment, it was Ji Junxin who broke the silence.
“See, even the best of friends have secrets they can’t share.” Her expression softened, but her voice was colder than ever.
Mi Hongdou remained silent.
There was a shared answer, “You,” an answer they couldn’t say to each other. At least not now, they both chose to avoid it.
“But… from your eating habits, to the leg cramps, your immersion is becoming deeper and deeper, it’s not just during filming… being in character day and night…” Their earlier conversation had made Mi Hongdou feel awkward, and her tone now lacked its usual conviction, but she still had to say it.
Ji Junxin, however, was still thinking about who Mi Hongdou’s most cherished person was. If it wasn’t Mi’s mother, she would be incredibly jealous! But family affection was a constant, she didn’t think it was strong enough to pull someone out of a role… When Mi Hongdou had mentioned it earlier, she had thought it must be romantic love, she had even guessed that Mi Hongdou had a boyfriend. Now, although she knew Mi Hongdou didn’t have a boyfriend, she was still jealous of that special person!
Even after realizing that she had no chance, she was still jealous of the person… or thing… that held such a special place in Mi Hongdou’s heart.
Jealous, disappointed, unhappy… Ji Junxin, filled with negative emotions, couldn’t listen to Mi Hongdou’s advice, she didn’t even want to continue the conversation. “Even if I’m immersed all the time, I can still detach after the pregnancy scenes. I’ve been acting for years, I have experience.” Having experience meant it was more difficult to detach, which was why she always needed long breaks after filming…
Ji Junxin had hoped that Mi Hongdou would trust her and drop the topic, so she could wallow in her sadness.
But to Mi Hongdou, Ji Junxin’s words were a wake-up call.
She knew she was worried about Ji Junxin, which was why she insisted on removing the prosthetic belly. But to Ji Junxin… she probably thought she was questioning her abilities. She was practically still a newcomer, while Ji Junxin had years of experience and successful projects. Although Ji Junxin could probably sense her concern, being questioned like this must be annoying, right? Just like her dismissive reply, “I’ve been acting for years, I have experience.” …
The atmosphere wasn’t conducive to conversation. Sadness and awkwardness lingered.
Mi Hongdou froze, then felt awkward, then wondered if she had been… too presumptuous? Too concerned? Or had her confidence as a reborn person, her experience, blinded her to the fact that Ji Junxin could handle it?
As soon as she said those words, Ji Junxin regretted it. It sounded like she was dismissing Mi Hongdou as a newcomer, interfering in her affairs. That wasn’t her intention…
“I mean…” Ji Junxin wanted to explain, but seeing Mi Hongdou’s conflicted expression, she felt that explaining would only make it worse, so she abruptly changed the subject. “I’ll be more careful… when I’m immersed, I’ll be more careful…”
Although she changed the subject, she still didn’t know what to say. Be more careful? She didn’t want to be careful, she wanted to be immersed!
Yes, immersed. It was Ji Junxin herself who had allowed herself to become increasingly immersed.
After Mi Hongcai’s call, Ji Junxin had indeed resolved to hide her feelings and be a good friend, protecting Mi Hongdou. But she quickly realized it was too difficult. Acting, deceiving others was easy, the difficulty was… deceiving herself.
People acted differently in front of the person they liked, compared to their friends. In front of the person they loved, they were often overcome with a sense of giddiness, becoming unlike themselves, even in unrequited love. Just like in romance novels, love could transform people, the cold and aloof becoming clingy, the decisive becoming hesitant, the independent becoming reliant… Ji Junxin didn’t know how she would change in front of Mi Hongdou, so she became very cautious.
She wanted to smile whenever she saw Mi Hongdou, but she couldn’t smile all the time. She loved talking to Mi Hongdou, but she couldn’t talk too much, couldn’t be too chatty. She wanted to be close to Mi Hongdou, but she couldn’t always be close, couldn’t be too close. Ji Junxin tried hard to maintain the boundaries of friendship, even though she wanted to cling to Mi Hongdou. Even close friends wouldn’t smile foolishly whenever they saw each other, chat non-stop, or constantly tug at each other’s sleeves…
Since making that resolution, Ji Junxin’s life had been a constant struggle. Except… except during filming. Miao Qianye, pregnant, was constantly being cared for by the young empress. On camera, Ji Junxin didn’t have to worry about what kind of smile was appropriate for a friend, how much talking was too much, what distance to maintain… Everything was in the script, no need for second-guessing or careful calculations. Most importantly, in the script, because Miao Qianye was pregnant, she needed the young empress, a need that Ji Junxin carefully hid in real life, but during filming, she could express it freely, even exaggerate it… because, well, pregnant women needed care and protection.
Gradually, the more she suppressed herself in real life, the more relaxed she became during filming.
Previously, Ji Junxin hated scenes with Jiang Duo because of the constant NGs, the repeated takes, the wasted time, the missed meals. And with the long filming hours, even if there weren’t many scenes scheduled, they would often work late, and she would miss Mi Hongdou’s cooking. But now, she loved filming with Jiang Duo. NGs? What were NGs? … For Ji Junxin, exhausted from pretending to be just a friend in real life, every extra moment of relaxation, every extra moment of closeness with Mi Hongdou during filming, was precious. These days, she found Jiang Duo increasingly… tolerable.
Perhaps because of her suppressed emotions in real life, Miao Qianye on screen was very close to the young empress. Shared circumstances, close proximity, understandable. A pregnant woman, needing support and protection, reasonable. Wanting to protect the imperial heir, a shared secret and a common goal, occasional eye contact, a knowing smile, also acceptable… Scene after scene, Ji Junxin’s already good performance became even better, her interaction with Mi Hongdou so natural that their gazes alone could tell a story. Director Pan was initially very satisfied, then felt something was off, but after reviewing the script and the recent scenes, although the feeling persisted, he was still full of praise. As for what exactly was off, he didn’t have time to analyze it.
Ji Junxin loved the feeling of being on camera, no need for pretense, no need for acting, just enjoying every moment with Mi Hongdou. She couldn’t believe that she was now living through acting, acting on instinct…
The more comfortable she felt during filming, the more difficult real life became. She started resenting the limited filming hours, but she didn’t want to deliberately NG and delay the production. Fortunately, there was Director Pan’s suggestion of wearing the cotton belly at night to stay in character. Ji Junxin started wearing it not just for a few hours, but the entire night, even sleeping with it on.
This, of course, didn’t escape Mi Hongdou’s notice. She asked, and Ji Junxin successfully used the excuse of getting into character. She could tell that Mi Hongdou still wanted to persuade her, but she insisted, and Mi Hongdou dropped the topic. This was just her first step. Soon, under the guise of method acting, she fully embraced the role of a pregnant woman in real life, being pampered and cared for by Mi Hongdou. Although Mi Hongdou had always taken care of her, now, with the added excuse of pregnancy, Ji Junxin could accept her care without feeling too guilty.
Relaxed, her true feelings occasionally slipped through. She wanted to be close to Mi Hongdou, to look at her, to touch her clothes, to talk more, to smile foolishly… Ji Junxin had already decided, if Mi Hongdou thought her behavior wasn’t appropriate for a friend, she would use her “pregnant woman” act!
Ji Junxin felt that her plan was brilliant and became even more dedicated to her “pregnant woman” role in real life, even more so than during filming. Whether it was her diet or the aches and pains of pregnancy, she strived for realism, so she would have a justification if Mi Hongdou questioned her.
But Ji Junxin hadn’t expected that her efforts, instead of making Mi Hongdou question her friendship, would make her question her immersion. How could she be too immersed? … She was just finding a way to relax and have an excuse if questioned.
Precisely because she knew her actions weren’t for the sake of acting, her reaction to Mi Hongdou’s concern was so strong. If she took off the belly, she would have to go back to carefully maintaining a proper distance from Mi Hongdou… Although that day would eventually come, she wanted to delay it as much as possible… it was too painful.
To quote a line from a recent novel… “My heart is so bitter…”
Having reached this point in their standoff, Mi Hongdou didn’t press further. Ji Junxin won, keeping her prosthetic belly and her temporary peace of mind.
After a few more meaningless exchanges, the lights went off, and darkness returned. Ji Junxin felt that she had actually lost…
Yes, she had won the belly, but lost something else.
Mi Hongdou, who had been determined to remove the belly, had suddenly given up. Ji Junxin knew it was probably because of her dismissive remark, “I’ve been acting for years, I have experience.”
She wanted to explain, but Mi Hongdou didn’t seem interested in continuing the topic. After Ji Junxin said she would be more careful, Mi Hongdou dropped it. When Ji Junxin tried to say something else, Mi Hongdou skillfully avoided it, just making small talk and then suggesting that they go to sleep.
The lights were off, but Ji Junxin was restless, unable to sleep. And the silence from the other bed offered no opportunity for conversation.
Even if you just turned over, I could pretend you were uncomfortable and start a conversation… Ji Junxin thought, finally drifting off to sleep.
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