Chapter 71: Gazes p1
They say if you put a frog in lukewarm water and slowly raise the temperature, it won’t realize it’s being cooked until it’s too late. The most frightening changes in life are the subtle, gradual ones. By the time you notice, some people, some things, have already changed. Whether you’re surprised or not, willing or not, you can only accept it.
Mi Hongdou had also wondered when her feelings for Ji Junxin had changed. She was supposed to be a loyal, die-hard fan… At first, she didn’t want to dwell on it, as if by ignoring it, nothing would change. But this self-deception quickly lost its effect.
The desire to be closer, to smell her scent, to touch her, to be more intimate… One could control their actions, but thoughts, so hidden and complex, were rarely controlled by reason.
Having lived two lifetimes, Mi Hongdou wasn’t a naive newbie like Ji Junxin. But even though she knew, she didn’t want to know, didn’t dare to know. Only restraint and self-control could preserve their current, almost BFF-like relationship. Mi Hongdou knew what she had to do and strived to do it well. Sometimes she thought, perhaps, as time passed, they would remain good friends. And when they grew old, they might even become like family. Then, perhaps, she would have a legitimate reason to continue accompanying and caring for her.
These past two months, Mi Hongdou had carefully kept their interactions within the boundaries of friendship, not revealing anything suspicious. Was it difficult? Very difficult. Nothing was more challenging than having to control your every word, action, and even your gaze and expression in front of the person you loved.
Whenever she felt the urge to cross the line, she would scold herself. Couldn’t she restrain herself? Did she want to see surprise, even disgust, in Ji Junxin’s eyes? Did she want to destroy this hard-won happiness? No… she couldn’t.
When Pan Xiang pointed out the possibility of the film being interpreted as yuri, Mi Hongdou was worried. Not about Pan Xiang being lectured by Director Pan, but about the potential rumors about her and Ji Junxin if the film was indeed interpreted that way. Even if Ji Junxin didn’t distance herself because of the rumors, she would probably be wary. And even the slightest distance between them would be a huge blow to Mi Hongdou. So, in the recent scenes, she had been very careful, trying to minimize the possibility of a “yuri” interpretation.
And the result? … Director Pan was dissatisfied! He even criticized her for not being affectionate enough! It was like a superhero sacrificing himself to save the Earth, only to have the Earth kick him and tell him to get out of the way. How tragic.
Perhaps it was all fate. Director Pan wouldn’t know how his pursuit of perfection had changed so many things.
Another scene.
Provocations, agreements, veiled insults, the concubines at the table were like five thousand ducks, chattering endlessly. Energetic and lively, not at all like the listless figures who had almost collapsed from drinking too much porridge before filming. Ji Junxin glanced at them indifferently, picked up her bowl, and started eating quietly.
The porridge was truly disgusting, and after so many bowls, Ji Junxin almost gagged as soon as she lifted it. There was no need to act, she had to exert all her willpower to even take the first sip. The subsequent struggle to swallow the disgusting porridge was all real.
Mi Hongdou, having been criticized by Director Pan, decided to let go of her reservations. Her gaze should meet his requirements now, right?
But when the scene reached the part where the young empress looked at Miao Qianye with concern, Mi Hongdou hesitated again, afraid that if she didn’t restrain herself, her true feelings would be revealed. She looked at Ji Junxin.
And with that one glance, all her hesitation, restraint, and desire… vanished.
Ji Junxin looked much worse than in the previous takes, it wasn’t acting. If she continued like this, she would really throw up! Mi Hongdou clenched her fists, watching Ji Junxin struggle to eat the porridge, her heart aching. They couldn’t continue filming like this… It was all Jiang Duo’s fault… speaking of Jiang Duo, her voice was the loudest among them, sounding forced and exaggerated, she was probably going to NG again… Mi Hongdou glared at Jiang Duo, she was truly annoying. She quickly turned her gaze back to Ji Junxin.
Why wasn’t Director Pan calling cut? Oh, right, for scenes with Jiang Duo, even if there were mistakes, they would film the entire scene. Ji Junxin struggled to swallow the disgusting porridge, and Mi Hongdou’s heart ached. She couldn’t bear to watch anymore. Should she suggest making some real porridge? … Even if it wasn’t as realistic, it would be better than this torture.
Mi Hongdou had been staring at Ji Junxin for a while. Next, the young empress’s gaze should soften, and then they would both eat their porridge. But Mi Hongdou, frustrated and distracted, couldn’t even bring herself to reach for her bowl, let alone soften her gaze.
While Mi Hongdou was feeling distressed, Director Pan was watching with excitement. He hadn’t expected Mi Hongdou’s performance to be so good after just a few pointers. That worried look in the young empress’s eyes, the conflict between wanting to stop Miao Qianye from eating and having to endure it, and that look of disgust she directed at Concubine Zhu, which she had added herself, it was perfect. That’s how it should be! It was Concubine Zhu who stirred up all this trouble. The young empress, having to maintain a facade of solidarity while also feeling sorry for the pregnant Miao Qianye, naturally resented Concubine Zhu. Director Pan took this film very seriously and had studied the script repeatedly. He had a good grasp of the plot and the characters’ motivations.
Mi Hongdou’s performance, in his opinion, surpassed the script. Perhaps the lonely empress scene had impressed him too much, and he now looked at Mi Hongdou’s improvisational skills differently. He thought she had changed the scene again. And it was a brilliant change! Director Pan automatically found a reasonable explanation for her performance.
So, even people working on the same film could have vastly different interpretations.
Ji Junxin had reached her limit with the porridge and regretted it slightly.
When they were filming in Shudian, there were restaurants nearby, so if they were tired of the crew meals, they could go out to eat. But filming at the estate was more troublesome. The nearest village was quite a walk, let alone any restaurants. So, Jiang Lingling had finally remembered the restaurant she had bought. On the first day of filming at the estate, she had several dishes delivered from the restaurant, still warm in their insulated containers. She naturally sent a generous portion to Mi Hongdou and Ji Junxin, and even some to Director Pan and Pan Xiang.
But just as they received the food, the crew announced that they would be filming the porridge scene in the afternoon, and the porridge was disgusting, they might have to drink a lot of it, so they hoped the actors would eat less for lunch. Everyone reduced their lunch intake, some even skipped it altogether. Ji Junxin, hearing about the disgusting porridge, was heartbroken. So, despite Mi Hongdou’s gentle dissuasion, she ate all the rather ordinary dishes Jiang Lingling sent…
Now, Ji Junxin regretted it. If she had known it would be so torturous… she would have eaten something more delicious for lunch. The comfort from those ordinary dishes was clearly insufficient.
Ji Junxin’s misery was evident. Seeing this, Mi Hongdou almost lost the will to continue filming. Her hand lingered on her bowl, her gaze fixed on Ji Junxin… It was already past the time when the young empress, according to the script, should have started eating.
Even Director Pan, who thought Mi Hongdou’s performance was excellent, noticed something was off. Why wasn’t she continuing? He had hoped to finish this scene in one take.
Just then, Ji Junxin, seemingly engrossed in her porridge, also sensed something and slowly looked up at Mi Hongdou.
Oh, this idiot, didn’t they agree that she shouldn’t look up and cause an NG? … Mi Hongdou’s eyes met Ji Junxin’s, her pupils constricting, her grip on the bowl tightening.
Wait, shouldn’t it be the part where the young empress is moved by Miao Qianye, her gaze softening with love? Ji Junxin was confused, had she miscalculated the timing? Director Pan wouldn’t call NG anyway. Seeing Mi Hongdou seemingly stunned by her sudden look, Ji Junxin smiled apologetically and continued eating her porridge.
You idiot… this is acting, not real life, why are you looking and smiling… Director Pan will scold you later. There was a hint of reproach in Mi Hongdou’s eyes, but it quickly softened into indulgence. It didn’t matter, she had also glanced at Jiang Duo earlier, she would ask Director Pan to scold her more. Thinking this, Mi Hongdou picked up her bowl, the sooner they finished this, the better. At worst, she could just have Ji Junxin throw up in the bathroom and then reshoot.
To Mi Hongdou’s surprise, this take, with their improvised eye contact, was actually a pass? Had Director Pan finally collected enough footage for a complete scene after so many takes? Mi Hongdou didn’t understand, but she didn’t ask. Director Pan seemed happy, he probably wouldn’t criticize their improvisation in the last take.
Director Pan wouldn’t criticize them now, he was happily reviewing the footage. The young empress’s worried gaze towards Miao Qianye was a little too long, but it didn’t matter, they could edit it later. The key was Miao Qianye’s returning gaze. Initially startled by the empress’s concern, a flicker of confusion in her eyes, then quickly understanding, she smiled gently, a mix of reassurance and persuasion. And then the young empress, as if truly comforted, although still showing some sympathy, her gaze held a kind of tolerant indulgence. And the earlier look of resentment and anger she directed at Concubine Zhu, this take was truly brilliant! This was the feeling he wanted. Although Jiang Duo’s performance was still lacking, the interaction between the young empress and Miao Qianye was perfect.
Director Pan watched the scene repeatedly, then called Mi Hongdou and Ji Junxin over.
Poor Ji Junxin, after several bowls of that disgusting porridge, she could barely walk, feeling terrible. Fortunately, Director Pan had said it was a pass. If they had to do another take, she wouldn’t be able to swallow another bite. Now, being summoned by Director Pan, her legs felt weak, afraid that he would suddenly change his mind and ask for a reshoot.
Mi Hongdou, seeing Ji Junxin’s misery, said, “Later, let’s ask Director Pan to wrap up for today and go back to rest. You can’t film the next scene in this state.”
“There’s still another scene.” Ji Junxin clutched Mi Hongdou’s wrist, her expression pitiful. “I’m not afraid of filming the next scene, I’m afraid he’ll ask us to reshoot this one.”
“He won’t…” Mi Hongdou looked at Director Pan, who was waiting for them with a smile. “He doesn’t look like he wants to reshoot.”
Although Mi Hongdou said that, Ji Junxin still walked slowly, traumatized by Director Pan.
When they finally reached him, he led them to the monitor and showed them the playback.
The young empress’s concern and worry, her angry glare at Concubine Zhu, her helpless indulgence… Ji Junxin watched quietly. Although she knew it was just acting, just a story between the young empress and Miao Qianye in the drama, she couldn’t help but let her gaze linger on Mi Hongdou’s face on the screen.
“What do you think of this take?” Director Pan asked, his smiling face betraying his own opinion.
Seeing her own gaze towards Ji Junxin from a different perspective, it was so… Mi Hongdou couldn’t even look at Ji Junxin. Had she been too careless? Would Ji Junxin see through her? Misunderstand? … Mi Hongdou was incredibly nervous and could only manage two words in response to Director Pan’s question: “Not bad…”
Director Pan’s lips twitched, and he looked at Ji Junxin expectantly.
“Xiaomi acted very well,” Ji Junxin said honestly. “Should I not have looked up?”
“I think it was good, you can go now.” Director Pan rubbed his forehead. These two, they could act, but they couldn’t appreciate a good performance, their judgment was terrible. This take was brilliant! That exchange of gazes, how perfect!
Mi Hongdou, glancing at Director Pan, who seemed to have a problem with their judgment, suddenly felt that perhaps it wasn’t Pan Xiang’s script that was the problem. Perhaps Gu Tiansheng himself had a BL soul, just like… Director Pan might have a yuri soul he wasn’t even aware of. This wasn’t… good news…
Regardless of what kind of soul Director Pan had, seeing that he was in a good mood, Mi Hongdou suggested that since everyone had been force-fed porridge, they should be allowed to go back and rest.
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