Chapter 70: A Hug
Pan Xiang’s words were like a sledgehammer, smashing a hole in Ji Junxin’s understanding of the world, opening a new door.
The sky, the earth, the mud houses in front of her, the cool breeze, everything was the same. Yet, Ji Junxin, standing alone, felt a sense of disorientation, as if something had shifted.
This feeling was familiar, like when she was young, her world was just her small home, then expanding to her city, then to the concept of a world, realizing how limited her perspective had been. And then learning about the Earth and the universe, a vast expanse opening before her. This was the change in perspective and understanding that came with growth, something everyone experienced. Some experienced it vaguely, while others clearly remembered every revelation. Ji Junxin was the latter. So, when Pan Xiang explained the true meaning of yuri, the shock was immense. The world suddenly… transformed.
Ji Junxin felt a sense of unease, like she had suddenly been transported to a strange new place. And then, overwhelming embarrassment! What had she said earlier? She had invited Mi Hongdou to watch a yuri film together! Ji Junxin’s mind went blank, she couldn’t even look at Mi Hongdou, and she just wanted to run away.
So, she excused herself to go to the restroom, a slightly panicked escape. After a few steps, she realized she was going in the wrong direction. But her face was burning, mortified, she didn’t dare to turn back, and just kept walking, turning at every corner, until she was sure she was far enough. Then she carefully looked back. They were out of sight. Ji Junxin breathed a sigh of relief.
Qiao Rubai was right, she should watch more movies! If she had actually watched a yuri film instead of just skimming the synopsis, this wouldn’t have happened! Ji Junxin deeply regretted it!
So, yuri meant… love between two girls. She hadn’t realized. Ji Junxin pressed her cold hand against her burning face. The cool breeze gradually calmed her down.
It was just love, thinking about it carefully, it wasn’t a big deal. It was just that Pan Xiang’s sudden mention of it was too abrupt, Ji Junxin thought, and the heat on her face subsided. As for inviting Mi Hongdou to watch a yuri film… they had talked about so many things, no one would remember that one sentence, right? Ji Junxin tried to convince herself. Yes, definitely, who would remember just that one sentence among so many?
Whether she was reasoning with herself or just trying to comfort herself, it worked. Soon, she felt that knowing what yuri meant was just like learning a new fact, like finding out that the Earth was round, a brief surprise followed by acceptance. So, Ji Junxin happily made her way back.
But… as she approached Pan Xiang and Mi Hongdou, Ji Junxin realized that a new world was a new world, she couldn’t just ignore the changes.
Seeing Pan Xiang cupping Mi Hongdou’s face, a tearful and affectionate expression in her eyes… Ji Junxin couldn’t hear what they were saying. Her first thought was, “Is this the legendary yuri?” The second, “How could Mi Hongdou be with Pan Xiang!” Then, “Why did I think Mi Hongdou couldn’t be with Pan Xiang?” “Could they be together?” “No, they can’t be together…” “Why not?” …
The newly opened door to a new world seemed to have unleashed a torrent of strange thoughts. Before, she would have just thought they were playing around. But now… watching Pan Xiang’s affectionate gesture and Mi Hongdou’s hand covering Pan Xiang’s, her expression hidden, Ji Junxin’s mind raced, almost making her dizzy. Finally, she regained her composure and spoke, her voice slightly trembling.
Pan Xiang and Mi Hongdou turned around. Mi Hongdou, who had been unable to remove Pan Xiang’s hand from her face, thinking she would be stuck with it forever, suddenly felt it slip away. She touched her face, it was a little sore from being pinched. Pan Xiang quickly retracted her hand and pretended she hadn’t done anything, a blatant attempt to hide her actions.
Regardless of what Mi Hongdou and Pan Xiang were thinking, in Ji Junxin’s eyes, it seemed like she had interrupted something. She felt awkward… and a little… angry?
“I didn’t see anything, carry on…” A strange anger surged through her, and the words blurted out before she could stop herself.
This sentence instantly amplified the awkwardness.
Ji Junxin was embarrassed by her own strange words. The other two were stunned by this classic line from romantic dramas, usually uttered during a love triangle confrontation.
Pan Xiang, the most experienced with dramatic tropes, was the first to recover. She rubbed her face, which was slightly sore from the shock, and said with a forced smile, “It’s okay… it’s okay that you saw it. Mi Hongdou and I are innocent. Many naive little girls, when they first encounter the word ‘yuri,’ tend to apply it to any two girls within fifty centimeters of each other. But soon, when they learn more, they’ll know that’s wrong, do you understand?”
“You were touching her face…” Ji Junxin said, her tone accusatory. “If a man touches a woman’s face, and they’re not in a relationship, then it’s considered harassment.” Her expression was serious.
Pan Xiang, who had been trying to subtly tease Ji Junxin, was now horrified. “So, if I don’t admit that I’m in a yuri relationship with Mi Hongdou, I have to admit that I was harassing her?”
Ji Junxin frowned, thinking hard, seemingly inclined to agree.
Pan Xiang stumbled back a few steps. Had Ji Junxin lost her mind? Was it because she had scared her earlier? Oh my god… filming wasn’t even finished yet, would her grandfather kill her and hang her from the city gates? Pan Xiang panicked. “Ji Junxin, snap out of it… Mi Hongdou and I are friends! Friends can touch each other’s faces!”
“But it’s not like that, look, Qiao Rubai wouldn’t touch Director Pan’s face, and Director Pan wouldn’t touch my face.” Ji Junxin said seriously. “We’re also friends.”
It was over, Ji Junxin was truly broken. Pan Xiang’s heart pounded. Facing the seemingly fixated Ji Junxin, the usually eloquent Pan Xiang didn’t know what to say. She stiffly turned her head and looked at Mi Hongdou pleadingly.
Pan Xiang brought this upon herself, she didn’t want to help at all… Mi Hongdou looked at Ji Junxin, lost in her thoughts. It seemed that if she didn’t intervene, Ji Junxin might also reject her closeness in the future. This was indeed a troublesome situation she had to deal with… Mi Hongdou sighed.
“Look, in our lives, two close female friends would eat together, go to class together, go shopping together, even go to the restroom together. Similarly, two close male friends would play sports together, drink together, go to internet cafes together. These kinds of friendships are very common. They’re not yuri, they’re not BL, they’re just friends. In this world, most people are in heterosexual relationships. So, for them, same-sex relationships are just friendships. Because of this, they don’t mind physical contact between same-sex friends, because they’re just friends, do you understand?” Mi Hongdou’s voice was soft and gentle.
Ji Junxin listened quietly, her expression still a little confused, but her mood had improved considerably.
Seeing that her words had some effect, Mi Hongdou continued, “And look, even between men and women, a woman wouldn’t fall in love with every man she sees, and a man wouldn’t want to marry every woman he sees. Whether it’s male-female, female-female, or male-male, some relationships might be romantic, but most are friendships. As for physical contact… perhaps, as I said earlier, most heterosexual people only see same-sex relationships as friendships, because they’re same-sex, romantic feelings are impossible, so they can hold hands, hug, put their arms around each other’s shoulders, these kinds of intimate actions. But anything more intimate, like kissing, wouldn’t happen. Similarly, people who are attracted to the same sex would be more careful not to be too physically intimate with other people of the same sex, except for the person they like. Do you understand?”
“So, people who like the same sex wouldn’t have intimate physical contact with other people of the same sex, except for the person they like. And people who like the opposite sex would have intimate physical contact with their same-sex friends.” Ji Junxin summarized.
Well, it was almost like that, but something still felt off… But this wasn’t the time to nitpick. Mi Hongdou nodded. “Yes, almost. Anyway, two girls can be close friends, and so can two boys. Even if girls can love girls, and boys can love boys, it doesn’t change the world you know. You’re just… seeing a part of the world you haven’t seen before.” Mi Hongdou paused, then asked carefully, “Do you… dislike this new part of the world?”
Pan Xiang looked at Mi Hongdou intently.
Mi Hongdou, her attention completely on Ji Junxin, didn’t notice the meaningful gaze.
“No…” Ji Junxin shook her head. “I don’t dislike it. I just…” I was just a little angry earlier for some reason. Probably… because I was afraid that if you and Pan Xiang were together, you wouldn’t have time to be friends with me. Ji Junxin swallowed the rest of her sentence, she didn’t know how to say it, or even whether she should. Perhaps she needed more time to process the concept of yuri.
“Just what?” Mi Hongdou’s anxiety subsided slightly, but the “just” made her uneasy.
“I just spoke carelessly because my mind was blown by this new information.” Ji Junxin smiled sheepishly. “I was talking nonsense earlier, don’t mind me.”
Okay… finally back to normal… Both Pan Xiang and Mi Hongdou breathed a sigh of relief. Of course, for different reasons.
“It’s okay… I don’t mind.” Pan Xiang, her eyes darting around, grabbed Ji Junxin’s hand.
Ji Junxin smiled, not dodging.
Pan Xiang smiled. “It seems like you’re really okay now.”
If you’re okay, then let go of her hand… Mi Hongdou frowned, staring at Pan Xiang’s hand on Ji Junxin’s. She had solved the problem, but it was Pan Xiang who was holding Ji Junxin’s hand!
Under Mi Hongdou’s almost murderous gaze, Pan Xiang reluctantly released Ji Junxin’s hand after a long while.
“Okay, it’s getting late, I should go.” Pan Xiang winked at Mi Hongdou, who was now ignoring her. “Don’t forget to tell Ji Junxin what I said earlier, my life depends on you two.”
Mi Hongdou snorted. “I’ve already forgotten.”
Pan Xiang thought that Mi Hongdou was just being sulky because she had held Ji Junxin’s hand for too long and chuckled, dismissing it as a tsundere moment.
But Pan Xiang didn’t know that Mi Hongdou really wasn’t planning to tell Ji Junxin, at least not now. Pan Xiang had just explained the true meaning of yuri, and Ji Junxin was already like this. If she told her to be careful, that the script might turn into a yuri story, Ji Junxin would definitely panic. Moreover… wasn’t being careful just… keeping a distance between her and Ji Junxin? Although Mi Hongdou was still unwilling to admit her own feelings, she didn’t want to distance herself from Ji Junxin at all! At worst… she would just be more careful during filming. It was better not to tell Ji Junxin for now.
Pan Xiang, unaware of Mi Hongdou’s little scheme, thinking that she had found someone to relay the message, stretched her back, which had stiffened from Ji Junxin’s earlier reaction, and prepared to leave. Before leaving, she asked Ji Junxin, “Junxin, do you really not read novels?”
Ji Junxin paused, then replied hesitantly, “I’ve been reading some on my phone recently, to help me sleep.”
“Taiwanese romance novels?” Pan Xiang asked.
Ji Junxin nodded.
Mi Hongdou and Pan Xiang exchanged glances. Okay, that explained the cliché line from earlier.
Pan Xiang, having finally solved the last mystery of the day, happily left. The crew members also went back to their positions. Director Pan, stretching, turned and waved at Mi Hongdou and Ji Junxin, signaling them to get ready for the next scene.
As they were about to leave, Ji Junxin lowered her voice and asked, “Xiaomi, did you know before?”
“Know what?” Mi Hongdou turned, puzzled, seeing Ji Junxin’s head lowered, her expression hidden.
“About… yuri. Did you know before?” Ji Junxin didn’t look up, her steps small, as if wanting to prolong the conversation.
“…Yeah, I’ve heard of it.” Having said so much earlier, denying it now would be too fake. Mi Hongdou readily admitted it, but she felt a little uneasy.
Just as Mi Hongdou was wondering what Ji Junxin would ask next, Ji Junxin suddenly stopped and tugged at her sleeve.
“What…” Before Mi Hongdou could finish, her sleeve was pulled forcefully, and she turned towards Ji Junxin, then… a warm body bumped into her arms.
Warm, soft, Ji Junxin… the person she had chased for years in her previous life, the person she was now getting closer to but was increasingly afraid to touch, was in her arms. And she had even initiated the hug… Mi Hongdou felt like her head had been hit with a meat tenderizer, her mind going blank. Instinctively, she placed her hand on Ji Junxin’s back, but with the last shred of her rationality, she stopped herself from hugging her tightly, from pulling her closer and hiding her in her heart.
Ji Junxin’s chin rested on Mi Hongdou’s shoulder, her soft, steady breathing so clear.
How long did it last? A second? A minute? Ten minutes? An hour? A day? A month? A year? Ten years? No… it felt like a lifetime. Mi Hongdou even unconsciously held her breath, as if this moment was eternity.
It wasn’t until Ji Junxin released her that Mi Hongdou realized she could breathe again! Her ability to breathe, and the rationality she had lost, returned with Ji Junxin’s departure.
“What did you just say?” Mi Hongdou vaguely remembered Ji Junxin saying something, but she hadn’t been able to hear it.
Fortunately, Ji Junxin didn’t mind and repeated, “I said, you said that people who like the same sex wouldn’t have intimate physical contact with other people of the same sex, except for the person they like. And people who like the opposite sex would have intimate physical contact with their same-sex friends. You just hugged me back, so you don’t like Pan Xiang, you’re not together.” Ji Junxin finished and looked at Mi Hongdou with a smug smile, as if seeking praise.
Although she had expected Ji Junxin not to say what she had been hoping for, why was she still suspecting her and Pan Xiang! Mi Hongdou felt a wave of emotions, from elation to disappointment, like finding a coin in your dumpling during New Year’s, thinking you were incredibly lucky, only to be told by your parents that all the dumplings had coins, and now you had to go to the hospital.
Looking at Ji Junxin’s expectant expression, Mi Hongdou forced a sincere smile: “Um… applying what you’ve learned, very impressive.” So this was what it felt like to dig a hole, fall into it yourself, and then have to smile and bury yourself.
Ji Junxin felt relieved. Although Mi Hongdou had explained earlier, she couldn’t stop thinking about Pan Xiang touching her face. Now that she had confirmed they weren’t together, she felt much better. If Pan Xiang and Mi Hongdou were together, Mi Hongdou wouldn’t have so much time to spend with her. She might even move out, and she would be alone again… The thought was depressing. Fortunately, fortunately, Ji Junxin patted her chest, relieved, and happily pulled Mi Hongdou towards the set.
Mi Hongdou was both amused and exasperated. Facing the strangely logical Ji Junxin, she could only admit defeat…
Whether Mi Hongdou was willing to admit it, or still wanted to ignore or hide it, she knew clearly what she had desperately wanted to hear when Ji Junxin hugged her. But she hadn’t heard it. Mi Hongdou looked at the relaxed Ji Junxin. She… cared about her, right? … Well, based on Ji Junxin’s strange logic, Mi Hongdou was now classified as a heterosexual, which, for someone who wanted to keep her feelings hidden, might not be a bad thing.
There were gains and losses in everything.
With mixed feelings, Mi Hongdou, and the relieved Ji Junxin, continued filming.
This scene was of a group of plainly dressed concubines eating simple porridge with pickled vegetables. Although they had been at the estate for several days and had gotten used to the simple food, they still couldn’t help but complain. Jiang Duo, playing Concubine Zhu, was the most vocal, and the others followed suit, not touching their food, complaining about the empress’s incompetence in surrendering and not even securing proper rations. They were reduced to eating watery porridge instead of rice.
These women, all from the harem, were skilled in the art of veiled insults. The young empress listened to their complaints silently. Miao Qianye glanced at them indifferently, then picked up her bowl and started eating quietly. But the porridge and pickled vegetables were truly unappetizing. Miao Qianye, pregnant and with a poor appetite, forced herself to eat two mouthfuls, then almost gagged. She forced herself to swallow and continued eating slowly.
The young empress’s attention was fixed on Miao Qianye, her expression full of concern. When Miao Qianye almost threw up, she almost snatched the bowl away. Although it was Miao Qianye who had advised her not to make special arrangements for her, the empress now regretted it. Miao Qianye stopped her with a look, and continued eating. The young empress’s gaze, initially filled with concern, gradually softened, becoming more gentle and determined, and then she also picked up her bowl and started eating.
The young empress and Miao Qianye finished their porridge and left, leaving behind a table of complaining women. Finally, the others quieted down and also ate their porridge.
This scene wasn’t difficult. Director Pan had even specifically asked the props department to make the porridge and pickled vegetables unappetizing, to make the acting easier. The actresses only needed to react naturally. The only difficulty was probably… Jiang Duo…
Since Zhang Zijing’s return from the abyss, Jiang Duo was the only actor whose performance was still unstable. For scenes with Jiang Duo, Director Pan didn’t even bother calling cut anymore, just filming continuously. If he wasn’t satisfied, he would keep filming the same scene until he had enough footage for a perfect take.
So, whenever they had a scene with Jiang Duo, everyone knew they would be filming repeatedly for no reason. And Director Pan hated it when anyone besides Jiang Duo NGed in these scenes, because it meant fewer usable shots for editing. Having to film repeatedly without making mistakes, everyone was starting to dislike Jiang Duo. Jiang Duo probably knew this, but… her family problems were affecting her performance, and she needed the money, she couldn’t leave the production, so she could only endure and try her best.
This scene, naturally, was filmed repeatedly under Director Pan’s frustrated gaze. They estimated that with a few more takes, they could finish. After several bowls of that disgusting porridge, they were already feeling nauseous. Fortunately, the bowls were small, and the crew had been repeatedly warned not to eat lunch. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
After another take, Director Pan didn’t say whether it was a pass, just told them to take a short break. Having eaten so much of the porridge, they were all feeling full, and their gazes towards Jiang Duo were increasingly unfriendly. Jiang Duo’s character in this scene was a troublemaker, but now, under their condemning gazes, she was trying to minimize her presence, making it even harder to get the scene right.
“I can’t drink anymore…” Ji Junxin rested her head on the table, looking at Mi Hongdou pitifully. “It’s so disgusting…”
“Just a little longer, just endure it a little more. I think we can finish in one or two more takes.” Mi Hongdou couldn’t help but reach out and pat the little foodie’s head.
And then… Ji Junxin, like a kitten being petted, nuzzled Mi Hongdou’s hand and said with a pitiful expression, “Why didn’t Director Pan let you make the porridge? I could eat several bowls of yours.”
Mi Hongdou withdrew her hand, clenched it discreetly, and looked at the shepherd’s purse porridge in front of Ji Junxin… It was truly disgusting, a strange, unpleasant taste. And the pickled vegetables, also a strange taste, as if they had killed several salt merchants.
“If I made it, you could indeed eat several bowls, but could you convincingly act like Miao Qianye, almost throwing up but still forcing herself to eat?” Mi Hongdou took Ji Junxin’s bowl and scraped a little into her own. “This is all I can do, taking too much will be noticeable on camera, and we’ll have to reshoot.”
Every little bit helped! Every little bit was a lifesaver! Ji Junxin gave Mi Hongdou a grateful look. Mi Hongdou smiled, an unnoticed indulgence in her eyes.
“Xiaomi…”
Just as their eyes met, Director Pan’s booming voice came from afar.
“Get up and walk around to help with digestion. I’ll go see what Director Pan wants.” Mi Hongdou quickly said to Ji Junxin and went towards Director Pan.
Director Pan, his hands behind his back, led Mi Hongdou to a less crowded area and said, “Xiaomi, your performance today isn’t quite right. Your lines, movements, details, they’re all good. But your gaze, your expression, they’re lacking something. The initial concern and worry were good. But later, your gaze didn’t soften. It needs to soften, understand? At this point in the story, in the young empress’s heart, Miao Qianye is no longer her rival. She’s carrying… perhaps the only heir of the person she loves the most, the future ruler of this country. The young empress is looking forward to this child, so, besides her concern for Miao Qianye, she wants to be kind to her, to give her everything good, to ensure a safe delivery. Before you start eating the porridge, your gaze should soften, become gentle, filled with anticipation and love. Try to grasp that feeling.” Director Pan finished in one breath, looked at the seemingly stunned Mi Hongdou, and wondered if he had been too harsh, so he added a few comforting words, “Well, it’s passable as it is, but young people should have higher standards for themselves.”
He patted her shoulder and left, giving her some space to think.
Mi Hongdou did think, but not about how to soften her gaze, to fill it with love and anticipation. She thought, holy shit! Pan Xiang was truly unique, her scripts were magically transformative! Did Director Pan even realize that he was practically following Gu Tiansheng’s style! All her efforts to control her gaze and emotions, wasted!
If you want a yuri film, just say it! She would give him all the sweetness he wanted! Mi Hongdou, after being lectured by Director Pan, felt exasperated. Why was it so difficult to act with restraint in this world!
Mi Hongdou returned to Ji Junxin with a serious expression and sat down slowly.
Ji Junxin, still lying on the desk, looked at her with concern. “What’s wrong? What did Director Pan want?”
“He said that before I start eating the porridge, my gaze towards you should be softer, gentler, and more loving.” Mi Hongdou pointed at Ji Junxin’s stomach. “Because, I’m so looking forward to, so deeply in love with, the child in your womb.”
Wait, something seemed… off.
Ji Junxin, however, didn’t notice anything amiss and even nodded in agreement. “Based on the script and the plot, Director Pan is right. But I was eating the porridge in the previous takes, I didn’t see your expression. Later, I’ll help you check.”
Mi Hongdou was stunned: “How are you going to check?”
Ji Junxin looked at her innocently: “By looking up.”
Mi Hongdou was speechless: “In the script, you’re supposed to be eating, if you look up, it’s an NG!”
Ji Junxin: “It’s okay, we’re going to NG many times anyway, one more won’t matter.”
“No… no way.” Mi Hongdou firmly disagreed, leaned closer, and whispered, “You know Director Pan gets angry when anyone besides her NGs in this situation.”
So, Mi Hongdou and Ji Junxin started a heated debate about whether Ji Junxin should look up to check Mi Hongdou’s gaze.
After all the blows they had suffered today, their brains weren’t functioning properly. They completely forgot that they could just watch the playback…
Finally, after Mi Hongdou repeatedly assured her that her gaze would be perfect in the next take, Ji Junxin reluctantly agreed to focus on eating her porridge.
So, in this world, acting with restraint was truly difficult! To complete the scene, to prevent Ji Junxin from deliberately NGing, Mi Hongdou would give it her all. A soft, gentle gaze, filled with love and anticipation! She had it! She had it all!
I dare to look! You dare to film! And after the movie is released, I dare you to read the comments! Mi Hongdou’s inner cry of anguish reached the heavens.
Director Pan, who was drinking water, suddenly felt a chill…
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