Chapter 39: A Coward and a Liar
One summer, many years ago.
A little girl was crying loudly in the flowerbed of a residential complex, a dirty ice cream cone lying on the ground beside her.
“Waaah…”
She cried for a long time, but no friends came to comfort her, and her parents didn’t come to soothe her.
Until a voice spoke, “Don’t cry. Here, take this, okay?”
The little girl stopped crying and looked up. A boy, slightly taller than her, held out an ice cream cone, his head turned away.
The little girl wiped her tears, took the ice cream, and said timidly in a childish voice, “Thank you…”
“Don’t cry over something like this next time.”
The boy said softly, “A girl’s tears shouldn’t be so cheap. If you must cry, cry for the boy you love.”
The little girl blinked, not understanding what he meant.
But she felt that his words were beautiful. She liked them very much.
“Don’t you have any friends to play with either?”
“No…”
“I’ll play with you. My name is Chen Yin, what’s yours?”
The little girl hesitated for a moment, then pursed her lips, revealing a sweet dimple.
“Shen Shuangshuang.”
…
Their summer vacation didn’t last long.
One day, the boy she called “Brother Chen Yin” every day, the boy who promised never to leave her after they became friends, suddenly disappeared. As if he had vanished into thin air.
The little girl searched for him everywhere, only to learn from her parents that he had moved away.
That day, she cried heartbrokenly and ran back to the flowerbed alone.
But this time, no one came to pat her head and give her an ice cream.
…
Several years passed, and the girl entered junior high school.
During the summer break before her final year, she attended her parents’ funeral, dressed in black, accompanied by their friends.
…A sudden car accident had taken them away.
In front of the tombstone, their so-called friends cried sorrowfully. But when it came to taking care of her, they all made excuses and avoided her gaze.
The girl remained silent throughout the funeral, her lips tightly pressed together.
She didn’t cry. She didn’t speak.
Back at home, she buried herself in her blanket, hugging her knees tightly as she crouched in a corner of the bed, saying nothing.
She didn’t know what her future held.
Continue school? Or find a job at a factory?
Suddenly, her phone buzzed with a message notification.
It was a bank transfer. There was no sender name, only a simple message:
“Don’t cry. A girl’s tears shouldn’t be so cheap.”
But seeing those words, she couldn’t hold back her tears any longer and sobbed uncontrollably.
After that, she started searching for him again. She learned that he had moved to a different city.
She learned that he had dropped out of college and left home, severing ties with his family.
She learned that he was writing melancholic stories online, just like the sentence he had told her when they first met: “A girl’s tears shouldn’t be so cheap.”
His writing wasn’t necessarily good. But the girl became his loyal reader.
She read every story, every sentence, over and over again. Every night before bed, she would secretly curl up under her blanket, waiting for him to update his blog, as if it was the happiest moment of her day.
She left comments on every post, but never revealed her identity, silently supporting and following him as an anonymous reader.
“Author, you won’t abandon your work, will you? You won’t suddenly leave us, right?”
“No, I won’t. As long as there’s even one reader, I won’t stop writing. This isn’t an empty promise.”
But…
A year and a half later, before the girl graduated high school…
The blog suddenly stopped updating.
He had broken his promise again. He disappeared from her life without a trace.
When she finally found him after much effort, she didn’t get to see him.
She only saw his cold tombstone.
Cause of death: alcohol poisoning. Suspected suicide.
***
At some point, a light drizzle began to fall outside the cave.
It wasn’t heavy, but it was steady, a silky curtain of rain pouring down, bringing a cool, misty air into the cave.
Inside, the scene remained quiet and dark.
Feeling the chill, Shen Shuanglian sneezed softly, rubbed her nose, and wrapped Chen Yin’s robe tighter around herself.
“Cold?”
“…Yes.”
“I’ll hold you, and you’ll be warm.”
“Just hold me, you won’t do anything else?”
“Really. I swear.”
“…I don’t believe you anymore.”
Chen Yin chuckled awkwardly.
Shen Shuanglian hesitated for a moment, then snuggled closer to him, letting him wrap his arms around her, robe and all.
Not wanting to take any chances, Chen Yin gathered the rest of the clothes and piled them around Shen Shuanglian, turning her into a cozy penguin.
Finally, Shen Shuanglian’s slightly red nose stopped sneezing.
“I never knew cultivators could catch colds.”
“…Cultivators are human too.”
“But can mortal germs really infect a cultivator’s body?”
“How would I know? There are no scientists in this world studying cultivators’ bodies.”
Shen Shuanglian’s voice was slightly weak and hoarse, with a hint of resentment.
Chen Yin wanted to continue the conversation, but seeing Shen Shuanglian about to sneeze again, he quickly tightened his embrace, feeling a pang of concern.
“Ah, I should have taken more precautions last night to keep you warm. We shouldn’t have put out the fire.”
“We couldn’t leave it burning.” Shen Shuanglian’s voice was a little urgent.
“Why?”
“…I would be embarrassed if there was light.”
“…”
Chen Yin didn’t dare to argue. After all, if anyone was to blame for Shen Shuanglian catching a cold, it was him.
So no matter how much she complained, he could only listen patiently.
“Are you hungry? I’ll go catch a pheasant and make you some chicken soup.”
Shen Shuanglian didn’t answer. She just hugged her knees and buried her head.
Seeing that she didn’t object, Chen Yin thought that maybe some chicken soup would make her feel better, so he got up to leave.
But just as he stood up, a hand grabbed his wrist tightly. Shen Shuanglian looked at him with pleading eyes, her lips pressed together.
“Uh, aren’t you hungry?”
“…I just don’t want you to leave.”
“But if I don’t go catch a pheasant, it won’t just come to me and ask to be eaten.”
“It’s okay, I can go hungry. I don’t mind.”
Her eyes held a childish stubbornness that left Chen Yin at a loss.
“But Sister, if you keep doing this, how will your cold ever get better?”
Shen Shuanglian’s eyes became even more pitiful. She whispered, “What if you leave and abandon me again?”
“When have I ever abandoned you—that’s a completely different situation!”
Chen Yin facepalmed in despair. He couldn’t understand how his usually cold and aloof Senior Sister had suddenly become so clingy overnight.
Could losing one’s virginity really have such a drastic effect on a girl?
“I was just a child back then. My parents decided to move, what could I do?”
“You know I’m not talking about that.” Shen Shuanglian’s eyes were filled with tears as she stared at him.
Chen Yin fell silent. After a long while, he sighed softly.
“Alright, tell me if you get hungry.”
He sat back down beside Shen Shuanglian and pulled her into a tight embrace.
Shen Shuanglian pressed her head against his chest, as if seeking comfort from his warmth.
The cave fell silent once more, only the soft patter of rain could be heard from outside.
Chen Yin never imagined that he would one day be holding a beautiful girl in his arms, her thin robe barely concealing her bare skin.
But he had no impure thoughts. He was simply worried that she would catch a chill.
The silence stretched on for a long time. Chen Yin suddenly said softly, “…I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Shen Shuanglian looked up at him.
“My situation back then… was complicated. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
Chen Yin averted his gaze, feeling guilty. “And we hadn’t seen each other for so many years. I thought you had forgotten about me.”
The moment he said those words, he regretted it.
As expected, Shen Shuanglian’s lips trembled, her eyes reddened, and she looked at him with an indescribable sadness.
“…Liar.” She whispered.
Chen Yin couldn’t argue and could only force a smile.
The air was filled with the scent of damp earth, making Shen Shuanglian feel uncomfortable. She wanted to sneeze.
But she held it back.
She knew that if she kept sneezing, Chen Yin would worry about her and insist on going out to catch a pheasant and make her soup.
Perhaps there was a stubborn part of her that didn’t want to see him disappear from her sight again.
…What if…
What if this time, he left without saying goodbye again?
She shivered, snuggling closer to Chen Yin like a docile kitten.
Chen Yin felt her soft and delicate body pressing against him and shifted uncomfortably.
“Ahem… If you’re not feeling well, you don’t have to force yourself to stay in my arms. Why don’t you lie down?”
“No.”
“…Never mind.”
The sky darkened, and it seemed to be getting late.
Chen Yin sighed softly. “I can’t let you be stubborn anymore.”
“It’ll be even colder at night. It’s dangerous for you to go without food and warmth.”
Shen Shuanglian clung to him, biting her lip, her eyes pleading. “No.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t leave without saying goodbye this time.” He said softly, trying to comfort her.
“Then tell me, why did you lie to me before?”
“…The time I moved, it was so sudden. I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to tell you.”
“And what about the other time?” Shen Shuanglian stared at him intently, her voice urgent.
“Why… did you try to kill yourself?”
Chen Yin fell silent.
The sound of his heartbeat mixed with the patter of rain, creating a muffled rhythm.
After a long while, he turned his head and looked out of the cave, his voice quiet and distant. “There’s no particular reason.”
“Just a coward…”
“…who couldn’t go on living.”
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