Chapter 68: Sorrow
It should have been a perfect evening, a typical day in her ideal life with the person she loved, relaxing on the sofa, watching a movie together.
Everything had been normal.
Yet, a cold sweat trickled down Xiang Er’s back. She looked at the suddenly mutated small eyeball, her head buzzing.
She wanted to stand up and run, a wave of fear washing over her, but her mind, muddled and confused, couldn’t process the information, her body frozen.
That small eyeball… had just called her Mommy, was this real?
But… Xiang Er looked at Shen Yuhe, whose expression was calm and serene, as if a small, mutated monster was the most normal thing in the world.
If Xiang Er overreacted, she would be the strange one.
Humans had a herd mentality, and when unsure how to react, they instinctively mirrored the reactions of those around them.
Seeing Shen Yuhe smile at the small eyeball, Xiang Er also forced a smile.
It wasn’t a real smile, just a clumsy imitation of the only other person present, her heart too heavy for genuine joy.
But the small eyeball was delighted, its single eye blinking rapidly, its slit-like mouth making happy gurgling sounds.
Just then, the movie on the screen reached its climax, the female lead holding a baby, the male lead saying affectionately:
“The child looks just like you.”
Shen Yuhe, her gaze soft and loving, looked at Xiang Er and said:
“Look… our child, it looks just like you.”
Small Eyeball:
“Heeheehee! Gurgle… goo!”
It made heart shapes with its tentacles, spinning happily in the air, then cautiously extended a tentacle, wrapping it around Xiang Er’s wrist, positioning itself between Xiang Er and Shen Yuhe, bouncing excitedly like a yo-yo.
Xiang Er:
“…No… I… this… I don’t…”
She stammered, then stood up abruptly, peeled the small eyeball’s tentacle off her wrist, and went to the bathroom to wash her face.
It was better to stay clear-headed, not to actually think of that monster as her child, that was too terrifying… Xiang Er told herself, but she wasn’t entirely convinced.
After all… she had experienced the Evil God’s influence, and she didn’t find the small monster particularly frightening anymore, it was actually quite… cute?
No, no! Get a grip! Xiang Er scolded herself.
She looked at herself in the mirror, her face thin and gaunt, her cheekbones and jawline sharp, almost piercing her skin, her complexion pale, dark circles under her eyes.
She didn’t look very healthy.
Xiang Er tapped her head, a sudden question occurring to her: Why had Shen Yuhe said… “our child”?
Did that mean the monster had a natural connection to Shen Yuhe, a connection so strong that she instinctively considered it her child?
And then, to create a connection with Xiang Er, Shen Yuhe had made the monster call her Mommy, thus making it “our child”… was that it?
Was this monster born from Shen Yuhe?
Perhaps… Shen Yuhe thought that she was responsible for the monster’s current state, its regressed intelligence, because she had injured it, so she was also its… mother?
Xiang Er subconsciously avoided thinking about the deeper implications.
She shook her head, dispelling those thoughts, and focused on the more immediate problem:
What was she going to do tonight?
Was she going to… continue with Shen Yuhe?
They were at home now, the environment safe and comfortable, the broken window fixed, everything seemed perfect, ready.
But… she didn’t really want to continue…
The image of the small eyeball with its open mouth, and the image from her dream, the thing she had seen clinging to her when she opened her eyes, began to merge.
And that first dream, where Shen Yuhe’s reflection in the mirror had been a mass of tentacles and flesh…
Xiang Er felt that these experiences had given her a deep-seated aversion.
She had to go to work tomorrow, and her time was precious. Xiang Er thought, she would wait until after her handover was complete, when she didn’t have to wake up early anymore, and then she would arrange something romantic, flowers, wine, cake, steak, a proper, romantic setting, perhaps that would help dispel the aversion, and she could truly enjoy it.
Thinking this, she actually looked forward to it.
Xiang Er left the bathroom, cleared her throat, and said to Shen Yuhe:
“Um, let’s just… get some rest tonight, no need for anything else, we both have to work tomorrow, right?”
After she finished speaking, she noticed that Shen Yuhe’s expression seemed… sad.
Shen Yuhe looked at her with sorrow. She had clearly heard her thoughts and anxieties in the bathroom, and she understood, they were the bitter fruits of her own actions.
The bitter fruits she had sown when she didn’t understand, now, that she understood, she had to taste them, a familiar yet strange pain.
Shen Yuhe’s aura darkened, the small eyeball on the table sitting quietly, its slit-like mouth hidden, only its large eye visible, like a child who had done something wrong.
Xiang Er, puzzled, asked:
“What’s wrong?”
Her question made it even stranger, why was she even including the small eyeball…
Shen Yuhe smiled sadly, her lips curving upwards, but the corners of her eyes drooping, a sadness, like layers of snow, clinging to her face, making her seem distant.
Shen Yuhe’s voice, tinged with self-mockery, said:
“I understand how you feel now. I understand… I made a lot of mistakes.”
Xiang Er:
“Huh? What mistakes? You didn’t do anything wrong!”
She leaned closer and nestled into Shen Yuhe’s embrace, wrapping her arms around her waist, her voice soft and gentle:
“I just meant… we don’t have to rush things… is that… wrong?”
Held in her arms, Shen Yuhe just shook her head, her gaze calm yet sorrowful, as if she had a thousand words to say, yet only managing a few simple words:
“No, you’re perfect.”
She was silent for a long moment.
Xiang Er, a sudden thought occurring to her, asked shyly:
“Or… do you really want to… continue?”
Shen Yuhe, unexpectedly, shook her head again:
“No. Just… don’t ask.”
Shen Yuhe stood up, turned off the television, which was playing the ending credits of the movie, and said to Xiang Er:
“Tonight, I won’t… intrude on your room, you should get some rest.”
Xiang Er was taken aback:
“Huh? Why? Did I do something wrong?”
The past two nights, they had slept together, nothing inappropriate had happened, just hugs, and gentle, chaste kisses on the forehead and cheek.
Xiang Er had slept soundly those two nights, and she had implicitly agreed to continue sharing a bed, she just didn’t want to rush things…
Overcoming her shyness, Xiang Er tried to explain:
“I… I don’t mind sleeping with you, I mean, we can sleep together, I sleep very well with you! What’s wrong?”
Shen Yuhe stood motionless in the living room.
The silver-blue moonlight streamed in through the balcony window, its sharp, angular beam falling on Shen Yuhe’s hair, like frost on snow. Her tall figure, like a silver anemone blooming in the ice and snow, seemed sorrowful, distant.
She shook her head again, her eyes dark and bottomless, a vast distance seeming to separate them, despite being only a sofa away.
Like two planets, trying to overcome the forces pulling them apart, only to be pushed further away.
“I was wrong.”
Shen Yuhe said, turning her head away, sighing softly, as she walked towards the master bedroom.
This was so strange! Xiang Er felt a mixture of shame and annoyance, and she returned to her room, closing the door behind her, sulking.
That night, Xiang Er tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep, her dreams restless.
She didn’t know that, outside her door, on the other side of the thin wall, a black river flowed, filling the living room and master bedroom with a sea of black slime.
And in that sea, Shen Yuhe’s head, pressed against the door, her eyes open, watched over her, sleepless, throughout the night.
Who was it that, trapped in the mists of the past, was falling apart? Who was it that, unable to bear the weight of emotions, could no longer maintain their form? Who was it that, capable of tearing apart the entire world, couldn’t be honest with the one they loved?
Who was it that was tormented by such a fragile, thread-like emotion?
It was the omnipotent god, the ridiculous, pathetic clown, toyed with by a fragile human, the noble yet humble Akhe.
The next morning, Xiang Er woke up early, watching the dawn colors paint the sky, and silenced her alarm.
She sat there for a long time, staring at the newly replaced windowpane. The new glass was a modern, clear white, a stark contrast to the old, thick, dark blue glass, jarringly out of place.
Xiang Er thought sadly, she was so ordinary, not special, not an investigator, no savings, no beauty, no job… She and Shen Yuhe were like two mismatched panes of glass, seemingly together, but fundamentally incompatible.
She got up, dressed, and opened her door, expecting another cold, lonely morning, perhaps even a still-angry, absent Shen Yuhe, when…
“Good morning, breakfast is ready.”
Shen Yuhe, wearing an apron, holding two cups of coffee, turned and greeted her with a smile.
Xiang Er froze. Was her memory faulty again? She clearly remembered them arguing last night…
Shen Yuhe looked so charming in that apron, her warm, neighborly smile… Xiang Er, still dazed, found herself sitting at the breakfast table, Shen Yuhe tying a napkin around her neck.
“So formal?”
Xiang Er asked softly.
“It’s to apologize. I was wrong last night, I made you sad, I’m sorry.”
Shen Yuhe gathered her hair and tied it back, her long fingers brushing against Xiang Er’s ear.
The small eyeball, appearing from nowhere, helpfully held the hair tie and a hairpin, offering them to Shen Yuhe, its mouth closed, its tentacles obedient, not wanting to scare Xiang Er.
“Ah…”
So she hadn’t remembered incorrectly. Xiang Er relaxed, a feeling of warmth spreading through her, Shen Yuhe was so gentle.
The table was set with steak, fried eggs, sauteed vegetables, toast, and coffee, their aroma filling the air.
Xiang Er asked:
“You made all this? What time did you get up?”
Shen Yuhe smiled:
“A little after four. It’s fine, I couldn’t sleep anyway.”
Xiang Er turned to look at her, surprised, her hair pulled slightly, and she let out a small cry of pain.
Shen Yuhe’s fingers gently touched the sore spot, and the pain instantly vanished. Xiang Er, her eyes wide with wonder, asked:
“Your hands are magical, the pain disappears when you touch me, is that your ability?”
Shen Yuhe’s fingers gently massaged the back of Xiang Er’s neck and shoulders, the touch so soothing that Xiang Er sighed contentedly:
“Ah…”
Xiang Er suddenly realized something:
“You’re using both hands? Oh my god!”
She turned around, and Shen Yuhe was indeed using both hands to massage her shoulders, her touch delicate and precise.
Shen Yuhe smiled:
“My shoulder is healed.”
Xiang Er’s face lit up:
“That’s great!”
Shen Yuhe showed her her shoulder, the bandage gone, the skin smooth and unblemished, and Xiang Er couldn’t resist touching it, their hands caressing, exchanging kisses, a long, sweet moment of intimacy before they finally separated, Xiang Er’s face flushed, her eyes hazy as she nestled against Shen Yuhe:
“You’re so beautiful.”
Shen Yuhe nodded in agreement, feeding her a piece of broccoli with expertly wielded chopsticks.
The awkwardness from last night quickly dissipated, and Xiang Er felt like the happiest person in the world, her eyes crinkling with laughter.
They finished breakfast, got dressed, and left for work together, their bodies pressed close in the crowded subway, then strolling hand in hand through the damp morning mist.
However, as they reached the office building, the romantic, blissful atmosphere instantly evaporated.
An Yue, her hair disheveled, her face haggard, was waiting for them. Seeing them, her eyes lit up, and she approached Shen Yuhe, her voice urgent:
“Ms. Shen, we have an emergency, I need your help! It’s a matter of life and death for hundreds of people, a Class S situation!”
Shen Yuhe frowned, her gaze sweeping over An Yue’s dirty uniform, as if she already knew everything, about to refuse…
When Xiang Er, her eyes shining, spoke up:
“No problem! Her shoulder has just healed, you’ve come at the perfect time!”
Shen Yuhe:
“…”
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