Chapter 9
Lin Qianqian examined her own behavior.
Was she sober?
She must have been, to have found her way home in her drunken state.
But perhaps not entirely, considering she had pathetically reached out for the hand of the very sister she had vowed never to see again after their explosive argument four years ago.
Lin Qianqian stared at Lu Yin, speechless, retracting her hand.
“Can I have another glass of water?” Lin Qianqian held up a finger. Lu Yin nodded and went to pour it.
Lin Qianqian scrambled off the sofa and dashed to her room, fumbling with the doorknob before finally getting inside.
She burrowed under the covers, her heart pounding, until she heard footsteps approaching—
Lu Yin placed the water on her nightstand.
“Why are you just walking into my room?” Lin Qianqian burrowed deeper, her voice muffled.
“You wanted water, didn’t you? And the door was unlocked.”
“Just leave it there. I’ll drink it later.”
“It’s warm water. It’ll get cold.”
“I like cold water.”
“Didn’t you just say your stomach hurt?”
Lin Qianqian had never known Lu Yin to be so nagging. “Can you stop chanting the sutras?”
“If your stomach hurts, take medicine. If you’re thirsty, drink water. I don’t have time to take you to the hospital again.”
Hearing the door close, Lin Qianqian sat up. So, Lu Yin was just worried about being bothered.
She lost her appetite for water. She wanted to cuddle a pillow but remembered her dirty pillowcase in the laundry basket in the bathroom.
After a moment, she grabbed her pajamas and headed to the bathroom.
The lights were still on in the living room, but Lu Yin was gone.
The laundry basket was empty. Lin Qianqian checked the balcony. The pillowcase and bedsheet were clean and neatly hung on the drying rack, a few of Lu Yin’s clothes tucked in the corner.
The hot shower soothed her tired muscles.
She filled the bathtub, anticipating a relaxing soak.
She hadn’t drunk that much, just a mix of beer and hard liquor, which, combined with the speed at which she consumed them, had upset her stomach. A few glasses of warm water and several trips to the bathroom had mostly resolved the issue. Now, she was just exhausted.
Lin Qianqian sank into the tub, playing with the bubbles, humming a tune as she lathered herself, blowing bubbles through her fingers.
When Lu Yin entered, she was startled awake, realizing she had fallen asleep in the tub. The massage jets had been too relaxing.
Lu Yin had woken her up.
She looked up at Lu Yin’s grim expression and waved awkwardly. “Good night?”
Realizing it was almost dawn, she corrected herself. “Good morning, Sister.”
Lu Yin wondered how someone so clueless had survived four years abroad alone. Perhaps someone had been taking care of her.
The thought soured her mood.
“I didn’t sleep long, did I?” Lin Qianqian glanced at the time. It was just past five. She had been in the bathroom for less than an hour.
She tried to get out of the tub but sat back down.
Lin Qianqian crossed her arms over her chest. “Could you hand me my clothes?”
Lu Yin placed them on a nearby chair and left.
Lin Qianqian quickly dried herself, thinking about their messed-up sleep schedules.
She didn’t sleep at night and didn’t wake up during the day.
Lu Yin didn’t sleep at night, and apparently not during the day either.
To repay Lu Yin for rescuing her from the bathtub and doing her laundry, Lin Qianqian looked up a large supermarket, planning a shopping trip—
Mainly as an excuse to spend time alone with Lu Yin.
Lin Qianqian sat in the passenger seat, excitedly fastening her seatbelt and opening the navigation app.
Lu Yin, seeing her with the phone, didn’t bother with her own navigation, following Lin Qianqian’s directions.
“This is complicated. So many twists and turns,” Lin Qianqian frowned at the map on her phone, then at the road ahead. “Turn right?”
Lu Yin glanced at her. “Are you asking me?”
Her daily routine was simple: home and the institution. She had few friends and rarely went out.
On her days off, she stayed in the loft, working quietly.
Lin Qianqian pursed her lips. “Yes, turn right.”
Lu Yin turned right.
—”Recalculating route,” the navigation app announced.
They hadn’t driven even a few hundred meters.
Lin Qianqian paused awkwardly. “So it can talk. It was mute before…”
She stared at the map, trying to figure out where they could make a U-turn, but the road seemed endless, and one-way.
After fifteen minutes, Lu Yin finally turned a corner. The surroundings were unfamiliar. She remained silent.
“Keep going right…” Lin Qianqian’s voice lacked conviction. Twenty minutes later, they passed by their apartment complex.
She was speechless.
Lu Yin pulled over, entered the destination into her iPad, and started driving again.
Lin Qianqian didn’t dare offer further directions. How could she, a person who got lost even with a map, have the audacity to navigate?
She gripped the seatbelt, glancing at the navigation app, then at Lu Yin’s profile.
Lu Yin’s expression was neutral, her usual faint smile absent. She seemed calm, but unapproachable.
Lin Qianqian couldn’t understand how the gentle and kind woman she knew had become so different. In the week since their reunion, she had only glimpsed Lu Yin’s softer side at the hospital.
Even though Lin Qianqian had been the one with food poisoning, Lu Yin had seemed worse off, falling asleep against the wall, her face bare except for a touch of light lipstick, as if applied solely to add a bit of color.
She had assumed Lu Yin was angry, but later realized Lu Yin had simply been unwell.
But she didn’t dare ask, knowing Lu Yin wouldn’t answer.
She should have hugged her that day at the hospital, even with the rash on her face.
“Are we there yet?” Lin Qianqian asked.
“Almost,” Lu Yin replied.
“…Oh.”
Lin Qianqian looked at her phone. The pictures she usually enjoyed seemed dull and uninteresting.
She wanted to look at pictures of Lu Yin, but they didn’t have any together. She hadn’t even saved any photos of Lu Yin.
She had naively assumed they would always be together. What good were photos compared to the real thing?
But their separation had been swift and unexpected. Fate didn’t offer anyone the chance to prepare.
“Are we there yet?” she asked again after seven or eight minutes.
“Almost,” Lu Yin repeated.
“…Oh.”
Five minutes later, Lin Qianqian asked, “Are we there yet?”
Before Lu Yin could answer, she added, “Almost, right?”
Lu Yin pressed her lips together, silently checking the navigation.
“Sister, do you remember that story you used to tell me? The Boy Who Cried Wolf?”
“Sister.”
“Sister?”
“Sister!”
Lu Yin replied calmly, “What?”
“Why are you ignoring me?” Lin Qianqian pouted.
She had called Lu Yin “Sister” countless times this week, and not once had Lu Yin acknowledged it.
How much did Lu Yin hate her now?
Even if they weren’t blood-related.
“If I get distracted while driving, we’ll pass by our apartment complex for the third time.”
“…”
The arduous journey finally ended. Lin Qianqian felt slightly annoyed for having carried the entire conversation herself.
But then she remembered she was treating today, covering all expenses, and immediately straightened up.
She grabbed a shopping cart, which Lu Yin wordlessly took from her and began pushing.
“Want some candied orange peel? Sweet and sour?” Lin Qianqian asked, casually looping her arm through Lu Yin’s.
Lu Yin let her, watching as she filled the cart with snacks, muttering, “I like this one,” “Sister loves this,” “We both loved this as kids! I thought they stopped making it! Let’s get a few bags!”
Lin Qianqian’s habits were all from their childhood. She hadn’t changed. But Lu Yin hadn’t bought these snacks in years.
Had she changed? She wasn’t sure.
She suddenly remembered the orange-flavored lollipop Lin Qianqian had given her after arriving. She had taken a few licks and then offered it to Lu Yin.
It had been sour, not quite the same as she remembered.
She hadn’t really liked it.
Perhaps she had only enjoyed sour things before because the time spent with Lin Qianqian had always been sweet, and they had been practically inseparable, their home a world of just the two of them.
The cart was almost full, and they hadn’t even finished browsing the snack aisle.
Lu Yin finally spoke. “Don’t get too much. You won’t be able to finish it all.”
Lin Qianqian put a bag of snacks back on the shelf, her smile faltering. “I can finish it!”
She had carefully chosen all their favorite snacks, and now Lu Yin was saying things she didn’t want to hear.
“You sound like a typical Asian parent, always saying things I don’t want to hear,” Lin Qianqian called out, unwilling to keep her frustration bottled up.
“That’s why you need to find a job quickly. Then no one will nag you,” Lu Yin said, heading towards the produce and seafood sections, calmly selecting ingredients for cooking, a stark contrast to Lin Qianqian’s restlessness.
That shut Lin Qianqian up. She finally understood.
Lu Yin truly disliked her now. Despised her, even.
Then why bother picking her up from the airport? She could have left her to fend for herself.
Lin Qianqian sulked for twenty minutes. At the checkout, she joined Lu Yin, but before she could open her payment app, Lu Yin’s phone beeped.
The sting of Lu Yin’s words, combined with her own broken promises, filled Lin Qianqian with a mix of anger and resentment, but she couldn’t bring herself to lash out.
On the drive home, Lin Qianqian remained silent—
Silence is my best defense.
Lu Yin was even more silent.
As things seemed to be heading in a familiar direction, she knew she had to make a different choice.
She should make Lin Qianqian hate her, be cruel and mean, and then disappear.
That way, she could enjoy some peace, numbed by medication.
It wasn’t a long-term solution, but it was better than repeating the past. She didn’t have the energy to go through it again, to lose herself again.
Spending money on medication brought restful sleep and a blank mind.
Spending money on Lin Qianqian only served as a constant reminder that she was a sinner who didn’t deserve to live.
At first, she had only one passion: painting. Then she gained a sister.
And then, both were cruelly taken from her.
If only she could live without guilt, without shame. How wonderful that would be.
Leave a Reply