Chapter 7
Lin Qianqian hadn’t understood the concept of an emergency contact before.
When she first moved in with Lin Yun, her father, Qin Shaofeng, worked long hours, leaving early and returning late. Lin Yun, outgoing and sociable, quickly befriended the neighbors and spent her days playing mahjong.
It was always just Lin Qianqian and Lu Yin at home.
Their living situation was decent, certainly better than when she lived with just Lin Yun. They could afford imported groceries, the kind considered exorbitantly expensive online.
When a fishbone got stuck in her throat, it was Lu Yin who helped her dislodge it with vinegar. Afterwards, an itchy rash erupted on her skin, revealing her seafood allergy.
When she called Lin Yun, her mother’s response, punctuated by the clatter of mahjong tiles, was, “Have your sister take you to the hospital!”
Lin Qianqian was fearless. At school, she would grab a chair and defend classmates from bullies, returning home with a bruised face, only to be met with Lu Yin’s gentle care as she applied medicine.
When she tried to guilt Lin Yun into giving her some pocket money so she could secretly thank Lu Yin for buying her treats, her mother would exclaim over the phone, “Do you know how much money I lost today?!”
Knowing Lu Yin was an artist, she tried not to disturb her. Lu Yin would bring a chair and let her sit quietly and watch.
Lin Qianqian would sometimes hand her paints and brushes, and they would spend their time together in comfortable silence.
“Sister, can you draw people?” Lin Qianqian asked curiously.
“I mostly paint landscapes,” Lu Yin replied, taking the clean paintbox from her and wiping it dry with a tissue.
“Can you draw me?” Lin Qianqian made a silly face. “Like this!”
Lu Yin laughed, gently tapping her head with a paintbrush.
It was Lin Qianqian’s first “beating.” As she grew closer to Lu Yin, she began to discover different sides of her personality.
Instead of crying and seeking pity after a fight, she would flex her skinny arms in front of Lu Yin. “Sister! If anyone dares to bully you, I’ll punch them so hard they’ll fly! See my biceps?!”
Lu Yin would lazily pick up a ruler and tap it against her hand. “Lin Qian, you better be as obedient as you were in the beginning.”
Lin Qianqian, unafraid, would stick her bottom out. “Go ahead and hit me!”
Lu Yin would then lightly tap her bottom with the ruler, the force so gentle it was barely noticeable.
Remembering a cheesy novel she had read, Lin Qianqian would puff out her chest and declare haughtily, looking down her nose, “You’re the only person I allow to hit me.”
After Lu Yin consistently took care of her, Lin Qianqian grew accustomed to calling her “Sister,” relying on her for everything. She would call her, beaming, after getting good grades, and cry out to her after failing a test. All her joys and sorrows became intertwined with Lu Yin.
Somewhere along the way, she had confused familial affection with romantic love.
Even after their relationship fractured, the habit remained, etched into her by time.
“It’s cold,” Lu Yin tapped the table, bringing her back to the present.
Lin Qianqian took a sip of the soy milk. It was lukewarm.
Lu Yin was so heartless now, casually erasing their shared memories, refusing to acknowledge the past.
Lin Qianqian finished the cold breakfast in silence, her head bowed.
“Are you full?”
“I don’t eat much,” Lin Qianqian yawned, her eyes watering.
She needed to go back to sleep. She hadn’t slept well last night and felt groggy.
“You used to be able to eat a whole steamer basket of soup dumplings, plus two youtiao, an egg, a bowl of soy milk, and a bowl of black rice porridge.”
Lu Yin’s tone was calm and even, and Lin Qianqian couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or genuinely concerned about her smaller appetite.
That particular incident had been after she failed three major subjects and was scolded by Lin Yun. She had sulked in her room for two days, refusing to eat or drink.
Lin Yun hadn’t asked why she failed, only accusing her of being lazy. Lin Qianqian had wanted to protest her mother’s indifference, but ended up hurting herself instead.
Lu Yin had coaxed her out of her room and taken her to breakfast. Lin Qianqian had never eaten so much, her tears mixing with the porridge as she ate, unstoppable even by Lu Yin’s attempts to comfort her.
From the moment she left her room until they returned home after breakfast, it had been just the two of them.
Lu Yin had even bought her a huge box of snacks. When her mood had improved, Lin Qianqian had asked, “If I eat this much every day, will we be able to afford it?”
‘Don’t worry, Sister will take care of you. I can afford it,’ Lu Yin had reassured her.
“I can’t afford to feed myself if I eat that much every meal,” Lin Qianqian stared at her.
She knew Lu Yin remembered everything too.
“Eating too much isn’t good for your stomach,” Lu Yin avoided her gaze, clearing the table and taking the dishes to the kitchen. The sound of running water followed.
Lin Qianqian didn’t press the issue. She had expected that response.
She found the mirror and applied more ointment. Since her clothes had arrived, she hadn’t worn Lu Yin’s pajamas again, only hanging them in the closet. She wore an oversized t-shirt and shorts, her hair tied up in a messy bun.
Lin Qianqian went to the kitchen. Her bun came undone, and the black hair tie fell into the sink just as Lu Yin was cleaning the drain.
“Don’t worry about it,” Lin Qianqian said, but Lu Yin tossed the hair tie into the trash along with the debris.
“Do you have another hair tie?” Lin Qianqian asked.
Lu Yin held out her wrist, revealing an almost identical black hair tie.
Lin Qianqian reached for it, her fingers brushing against Lu Yin’s skin, then paused. “Did you know there’s a saying about wearing a hair tie on your wrist?”
Lu Yin waited for her to elaborate, washing and cutting fruit.
Lin Qianqian didn’t explain, taking the hair tie and tying her hair back into a loose, low ponytail. “I think things are getting a little ambiguous between us.”
Lu Yin continued cutting the fruit, the knife flashing silver in the sunlight.
“Don’t you have work today?” Lin Qianqian asked out of habit.
“I’ve explained this to you multiple times.”
“…Oh,” Lin Qianqian watched her cut apples and cantaloupe. “I bought oranges yesterday, but I haven’t tried one yet.”
Remembering the half-eaten orange on the table, she padded over in her slippers, grabbed it, and stuffed it into her mouth, tossing the peel with its embarrassing message into the trash.
The juice exploded in her mouth, the sourness making her face contort. Lu Yin had given her half earlier, either to make her suffer the sour taste or to remind her of her foolish apology.
Either way, it hadn’t improved her mood.
When Lu Yin returned to the living room with the fruit platter, Lin Qianqian had already retreated to her room for a nap.
Lu Yin opened her laptop and replied to a few messages. A video call came in.
A mature woman appeared on the screen, wearing a white shirt unbuttoned to reveal a glimpse of her figure, her appearance alluring and captivating.
“Good morning, Teacher Lu.”
“Dr. Zhong,” Lu Yin replied with a smile.
Zhong Shiwu was a charismatic woman, at least in Lu Yin’s experience.
She treated everyone like a child, her polite tone almost condescending. For example, she insisted on calling Lu Yin “Teacher Lu” despite repeated corrections. Eventually, Lu Yin had given up.
“I heard from Yu Miao that you haven’t been doing well,” Zhong Shiwu said, touching her forehead. “My fault. I should have come back sooner, but I was delayed.”
“Congratulations on your wedding,” Lu Yin said.
“Thank you,” Zhong Shiwu’s smile was unreadable. “I told you a long time ago, medication can’t suppress human nature forever.”
“Your medication has been very helpful.”
“Taking pills to force yourself to sleep…aren’t you afraid of shutting down completely one day?” Zhong Shiwu chuckled. “We need to find the root of the problem and address it. Frankly, I’m not optimistic about your situation.”
“Do I look that bad?” Lu Yin asked.
“Are you putting on a brave face for me?” Zhong Shiwu’s laughter grew louder. “It won’t be long before you come begging for more pills, but I won’t indulge you this time.”
Lu Yin was about to reply when she heard the bedroom door open.
She looked up to see a sleepy Lin Qianqian emerge, clutching a pillow. She blinked blearily, holding up the bloodstained pillow. “Sister, I think my period actually started…”
Lu Yin glanced apologetically at the screen and went to help the still-half-asleep Lin Qianqian change the sheets.
Lin Qianqian’s mind was foggy, still clouded by sleep. She helped gather the bedding and stood quietly in the living room, waiting.
She heard the clinking of a cup against a table from the laptop and glanced towards the screen, then walked closer.
Zhong Shiwu saw her and waved. “Hello.”
Lin Qianqian waved back politely. “Hello.”
“You’re Lu Yin’s sister, right?”
Lin Qianqian nodded.
“It’s good to see you.”
Lin Qianqian’s mind cleared a little. She had never met this woman before.
She would have expected “It’s nice to meet you,” but the word “see” implied prior knowledge.
She was a beautiful woman.
Lin Qianqian felt a pang of unease, spearing a piece of apple with a toothpick and chewing on it.
Zhong Shiwu saw right through her but didn’t reveal her identity.
Lu Yin finished changing the sheets and led Lin Qianqian back to bed. After watching her fall back asleep, she returned to the laptop.
“The root, I’ve seen the root of your problem,” Zhong Shiwu said bluntly. “You’re losing control.”
“I have some medication left. It should last until I see you.”
“I’ll say this again. I won’t enable you this time. I’m a psychiatrist. My job is to help patients resolve their psychological issues, not rely on medication to function.”
Lu Yin maintained her smile. “I’ll manage until we meet.”
“One’s endurance is limited. Think about what you might do.”
“Once she finds a job, I’ll help her find a new place.”
“If you truly disliked her, disliked her being here, you would have ignored her messages, not picked her up from the airport, not brought her home, not fed her, not housed her, and certainly not changed her bloodstained sheets and pillowcases without complaint,” Zhong Shiwu paused, then added, “Oh…and you wouldn’t be helping her find an apartment, though I doubt you’ll actually let her go. If it comes to that, you’ll secretly subsidize her expensive rent. I know the cost of living there is high, and you wouldn’t want her living in a bad place, or with roommates.”
“You have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life. And you’re attractive enough to find a partner easily.”
“I’m not interested in that right now,” Lu Yin dismissed the suggestion.
“Is it that you don’t want to, or that you’re afraid to? You know I’m not talking about just anyone.”
Lu Yin’s practiced smile faded, replaced by indifference, then nothing at all.
She didn’t want to lose control. She didn’t trust herself. If things escalated, her carefully constructed defenses would crumble.
“Teacher Lu, I don’t like it when patients hide their thoughts. It’s not a good sign. But don’t worry, you’re too easy to read,” Zhong Shiwu’s face lit up with the satisfaction of being right. “You’re much freer now than you were a few years ago, aren’t you?”
Lu Yin looked down. “It’s not something to be proud of.”
She didn’t want to repeat the past, but seeing Lin Qianqian’s messages, she couldn’t resist her approach.
“Who? Who told you that?” Zhong Shiwu sounded ready to confront the culprit. “I think I’ve only heard you say that.”
She yawned, glancing at her empty coffee cup. “Repressing yourself for too long can be damaging.”
Lu Yin checked the time. It was almost ten in the morning, almost ten at night for Zhong Shiwu.
“Get some rest, Doctor Zhong. I’ll handle it.”
She was already damaged, like a rotten apple, its exterior smooth and shiny, the decay hidden within, only the lingering fragrance masking the truth.
Her insides were blackened and putrid, emitting a stench she could barely tolerate herself.
Zhong Shiwu’s expression turned serious. “When the water starts seeping in, you should clear the mud, not build higher walls. They’ll only collapse on you.”
The woman’s face disappeared from the screen. Lu Yin’s posture slumped.
She kicked off her shoes, put her feet up on the sofa, hugged her knees, and looked towards the closed bedroom door.
Lin Qianqian was thriving, like weeds after a fire, needing only a spark to reignite and spread.
While a lonely deer, unable to integrate into the herd, should have frozen to death in the snow four years ago.
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