Chapter 20
From picking her up at the airport, to providing food and lodging, to driving her to and from work, Lu Yin had been incredibly accommodating.
If it was simply because of their past relationship, Lu Yin wouldn’t go to such lengths, unless there was another reason.
Lu Yin only took care of people she cared about, like Lin Qianqian when she was younger.
If Lu Yin hadn’t changed, Lin Qianqian might even believe Lu Yin still cared.
Except Lu Yin was much more reserved now, her emotions hidden beneath a mask of indifference.
Lin Qianqian replayed recent events in her mind, arriving at a conclusion that startled even herself—
Lu Yin was protecting her, but couldn’t admit it due to their complicated history.
She even…
Still had feelings for her.
People tend to believe what they want to believe. Lin Qianqian clung to this idea, her conviction growing.
But if that were true, why the mixed signals, the attempts to push her away?
Hearing the water running in the bathroom, she wanted to barge in and demand answers.
This woman was so cruel, yet so kind. Lin Qianqian couldn’t even find a reason to be angry.
She waited for Lu Yin to emerge from the bathroom, her hair wet and dripping.
Lin Qianqian immediately showed her the picture.
Lu Yin glanced at it dismissively, grabbed a clean towel, hung the wet one to dry, and returned to the bathroom.
As she picked up the hairdryer, Lin Qianqian snatched it away.
“This is you.”
“Yes, it’s me. So?” Lu Yin turned the hairdryer back on, ignoring Lin Qianqian’s accusatory tone.
Lin Qianqian unplugged it, earning a curious look from Lu Yin.
“I told you I felt like someone was following me today. Why didn’t you react?”
“How should I have reacted?” Lu Yin put the hairdryer away and continued drying her hair with a towel.
“You were following me because you were worried about the robber,” Lin Qianqian stated, her voice firm. “And yesterday too. You didn’t have to come to the office, but you did, just to make sure I was okay. You even bought jianbing(crepes) to stall for time.”
Lu Yin chuckled. “That’s a creative theory, but I wouldn’t jeopardize my job for something like that.”
“But it’s true…” Lin Qianqian’s eyes welled up.
Why wouldn’t Lu Yin admit it?
“Believe what you want. I can’t stop you,” Lu Yin walked into the living room. Lin Qianqian followed, still determined to get answers.
“The traffic light was a coincidence. I was at your office for work yesterday. I did buy you a jianbing so I wouldn’t have to cook later,” Lu Yin addressed each point. “If I hadn’t seen you downstairs yesterday, I would have assumed someone else gave you a ride home.”
Lin Qianqian’s theory was plausible, and Lu Yin’s explanations were perfectly reasonable.
“And the robber has been caught. You told me that yourself, didn’t you?”
That shattered Lin Qianqian’s theory completely.
“You still want me to leave, don’t you?” Lin Qianqian wiped her eyes, her voice breaking. “Why are you doing this…?”
“We agreed from the beginning that I would let you stay until you found a stable job.”
Lu Yin looked at her, at her tear-streaked face, her attempt to appear strong despite her obvious distress.
She looked away.
“But I like living here. I can pay rent.”
“There’s no need. I don’t like repeating myself,” Lu Yin frowned at the takeout containers on the table.
“I haven’t finished eating yet. I didn’t forget to clean up. I’m not messy…”
“It’s fine. Just clean up when you’re done,” Lu Yin said calmly.
Lin Qianqian desperately searched for a reason to stay, but everything she said was easily countered by Lu Yin.
Had she been wrong?
Was Lu Yin’s kindness merely pity?
“You can’t do this…” Lin Qianqian sobbed. “I’m not ready… You can’t make me leave…”
Lu Yin felt a pang of guilt but said nothing, walking towards her room.
“Lu Yin!” Lin Qianqian called out, following her.
She opened the door to see Lu Yin undressing, her back bare, applying body lotion.
“I can’t talk right now,” Lu Yin frowned, her back still turned, glancing at Lin Qianqian from the corner of her eye.
Lin Qianqian retreated, sitting down outside the door.
She couldn’t understand. She had presented her theory, her evidence, only to be rejected again.
It made perfect sense. There were no flaws in her logic, yet Lu Yin refused to acknowledge it.
She would rather be scolded, yelled at, than treated with this casual indifference.
Lin Qianqian felt like a disposable object, easily discarded.
And she was right.
When Lu Yin opened the door, she saw Lin Qianqian sitting on the floor, hugging her knees, a small, pathetic figure.
Hearing the door open, Lin Qianqian looked up, her face streaked with tears, like a stray dog finally finding its way home, only to be turned away.
Lu Yin ignored her, continuing down the hallway, but Lin Qianqian grabbed her leg.
“Sister…” Lin Qianqian pleaded, fresh tears streaming down her face. “I can’t take care of myself…”
Lu Yin crouched down. “I’ll help you find a place. I’ll pay the deposit. I’ll even help you move when I have time. And you can always contact me if you have any problems.”
She offered a tissue, waiting for Lin Qianqian to take it.
This wasn’t the answer Lin Qianqian wanted.
She swatted Lu Yin’s hand away and ran back to her room.
Lu Yin crumpled the tissue and tossed it in the trash.
She couldn’t sleep that night.
The pill bottle was empty. She couldn’t control her emotions, her mind filled with the silent accusations of her nightmares.
The nightmares both pitied and mocked her, her life a pathetic and shameful existence.
Zhong Shiwu had contacted her earlier, but Lu Yin had refused to meet.
Zhong Shiwu wanted to address the root of the problem, but Lu Yin didn’t.
Lu Yin stared at the painting on the wall.
It wasn’t that she had made peace with her nightmares, but rather that she had become accustomed to being controlled by her desires, surviving in a world devoid of light.
The girl’s blue jeans had disappeared from the painting, replaced by the unnatural, snow-white skin beneath a layer of white paint.
Only the cherry-red lips and the dark, suggestive background hinted at the figure’s humanity.
The girl’s face was swollen and red, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Lu Yin put down her brush and wiped away the tears, her fingertip smudged with wet paint.
“Don’t cry,” she whispered, her voice filled with a strange tenderness. “It hurts me to see you like this.”
She should be trapped within the painting, just like the girl she had imprisoned there. Reopening old wounds took too long to heal, and the chances of recovery were slim.
She had given up hope. All she could do was avoid hurting anyone else.
She avoided Lin Qianqian’s tears, her attempts at intimacy.
Any further contact, and she would lose control, do something she would regret.
Some wounds, once torn open, never healed.
Lu Yin repeated the words in her mind—
Lin Qian, my sister.
Please forgive me.
I beg you.
Forgive me.
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