107 If My Feelings Reach You
“Yukitsuki… Mashiro…?”
Riri tilted her head, unable to comprehend.
That’s to be expected.
But I’ve decided to tell her.
“Yes. Winter ‘snow(yuki),’ the ‘moon(tsuki)’ in the night sky, and ‘pure white.’ Yukitsuki Mashiro.”
“N-No… you’re Suzuna, right…?”
“This body is.”
I placed my hand on my chest, looking down at Amatsuki Suzuna’s body.
“But… the inside, my heart… is someone else’s.”
“Um, well…”
“I’m completely different from Amatsuki Suzuna. I didn’t have any dreams, my parents didn’t care about me, and I was a gloomy, unremarkable girl. And I thought… there was no point in living anymore, so I… took my own…”
I don’t remember those memories very clearly.
Maybe I want to forget how messed up I was, or maybe the moments before death are just hazy.
But I do remember feeling like there was no meaning to my life.
“And when I woke up next, I was Amatsuki Suzuna. That’s me.”
“…W-Wait. Even if, hypothetically, that’s true, since when…?”
“Right before I met you, right before I saved that person who was being harassed by a man.”
“…H-Hmm.”
Riri was trying to understand, but it wasn’t sinking in.
That’s fine.
As long as she knows a little about me, that’s enough.
“And… this world… is the world of a dating sim. The protagonist is Shindo Minato, and the heroines are… you and me.”
“…A dating sim… Shindo is the protagonist…”
Riri’s eyes started to glaze over.
She’s not just confused; she probably thinks I’ve lost my mind.
But I’ll keep talking, at least to Riri.
“I know it sounds unbelievable.”
“…It does. Obviously.”
“But you told me not to lie, Riri.”
“I did, but…”
“I’ve been lying all this time, but I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t think you’d believe me, so I tried to hide it.”
But that became difficult.
My inconsistent actions were all seen through by Riri.
That dissonance accumulated within her, disrupting our relationship.
“Shindo-kun is the protagonist, and we’re the heroines. So there was a possibility that you’d fall for him.”
“No, I don’t think that would happen…”
A natural reaction.
But that’s fine.
It doesn’t matter if she believes that this is a dating sim world or that Shindo-kun is the protagonist.
The important thing is what I was thinking, why I was acting that way.
“So I wanted to shift the interest towards the other heroines: Kokona-chan, Kanaori Reika-san, and Futaba-senpai. That’s why I was always talking to them and Shindo-kun.”
And somewhere along the way, they started supporting me.
They changed me and became the catalyst for my actions.
“And my birthday in June is Yukitsuki Mashiro’s, and the one in August is Amatsuki Suzuna’s. I wasn’t lying to you. I like stuffed animals; that’s my hobby, not Amatsuki Suzuna’s.”
The misunderstanding arose because the person inside changed.
“So that’s why I was getting close to Shindo-kun. I didn’t want to ruin our relationship, Riri.”
This is the important part.
It doesn’t matter if she believes the outrageous story about this being a different world.
I just want her to understand how much I care about her, beyond all that.
“Th-Then… what about… earlier…?”
“Earlier?”
Riri, processing my words one by one, voiced her remaining question.
“You were with Shindo in the classroom. And you said, ‘I want to be with the person I like… all the time, if possible.’ And Shindo said, ‘Okay.’ …So I thought you two were… becoming a couple, and I…”
“Th-That’s not true! What are you talking about?!”
I was wondering why she ran away from me, but so that’s what she was thinking.
“I like you, Riri, so I decided to be with you, always. That’s why I told Shindo-kun that he didn’t have to celebrate Amatsuki Suzuna’s birthday with me.”
“I-I see…”
Riri nodded, though I don’t think she’s completely convinced.
“You already celebrated with me, and that’s enough. I don’t need anyone else.”
I think I finally managed to reveal what I’ve been hiding.
But Riri’s confusion was still evident.
I’m not going to deny it, and it’s understandable if she thinks I’m crazy.
But I’m just trying my best to convey what I want her to know.
“—Riri.”
I stepped closer to Riri and took her hands.
Even if she doesn’t believe me, I want her to know that these feelings are real.
“So, my first love isn’t Shindo-kun. That was Amatsuki Suzuna’s love, not mine.”
“So that means…”
Riri’s wavering eyes reflected my image.
I met her gaze directly, not looking away.
“My first love is you, Riri. You’re the first person I’ve ever liked, and I want to be with you always… please believe that.”
“…!”
Riri’s hands tightened around mine.
I was pulled closer to her chest, but her head was down, so I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
“Seriously, this is crazy. Do you think I can believe that?”
“…No, I don’t.”
That’s why I’ve been hiding it.
“Normally, you’d think it’s a lie to cover up our fight.”
“I would.”
So maybe even after saying all this, nothing will change.
Maybe Riri’s feelings will drift even further away.
Knowing that, I still told her.
“…But it’s… too clumsy of a lie, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
Maybe I should have told a more convincing lie instead of the truth.
Revealing the truth isn’t always the right thing to do.
Maybe I should have told a gentle lie that would comfort Riri.
But I didn’t even want to do that. I couldn’t.
I wanted her to see the real me.
“Honestly, I can’t believe that kind of story. I’m thinking, ‘What is she even talking about?’”
“…I know.”
That’s normal.
It would be natural for our relationship to end here.
That’s sad, but there’s nothing I can do—
“…But I wonder why…”
“Riri?”
Riri’s hands, clasped in mine, were trembling.
“Even though I can’t believe it, even though I think it’s strange… why am I so happy…?”
“Riri…”
“If what you said is true… a part of me feels relieved. But more than that…”
Riri looked up, her eyes glistening with tears.
“You called me by my name for the first time, you said I’m your first love, you said you want to be with me always… That makes me so happy.”
A single tear rolled down Riri’s cheek.
“…I’m sorry. I couldn’t… tell you the truth until now.”
“I’m the one who should apologize… I wouldn’t even listen, I kept rejecting you…”
“No, don’t apologize. I’m the strange one…”
Maybe this is all just a convenient delusion for me.
So she doesn’t have to accept this fictional story.
“But these feelings are real, so please believe that.”
I took another step closer.
A step that closed the distance between Riri and me to zero.
I kissed her.
Riri’s tears, spilling from her eyes, traced a path down my cheek, our skin becoming wet together.
When our lips parted, Riri’s teary eyes gazed intently at me.
“Riri.”
“…Mashiro.”
And I kissed her again.
108 A Small Change
Today is the closing ceremony.
In the past, I would have spent this time without any particular feelings.
Or rather, if I were still Amatsuki Suzuna, separated from Riri, this would have been an agonizing time, even more painful than usual.
But I can face it now because—
“Mashiro.”
At our usual meeting spot in the downtown area, Riri called my name.
It feels strangely nostalgic, even though it was just a few days ago that we stopped walking to school together.
The return to our daily routine, with one small change, made my heart race.
“It feels… strange to be called that again.”
“What does?”
“My name. I haven’t been called that in a while.”
Riri started calling me by my name.
It’s a borrowed name in this world, but she’s the only one who calls me by my real name.
It’s embarrassing, but also… joyful.
“Mashiro is your real name, right?”
“Yes, if you believe me, Riri.”
“Well… honestly, it still doesn’t feel real, but…”
Riri, smiling wryly, is an honest person.
She probably still doesn’t believe that this world is a dating sim.
“But I also… know that you’re not lying, Mashiro. It’s a strange feeling.”
But she’s at least trying to believe me, even a little.
And that’s enough.
Whether this is a different world or not isn’t that important to us.
What matters more right now is…
“Riri, aren’t you wearing the necklace? And your skirt is also… back to normal.”
The buttons of her blouse were undone as usual, and her skirt was short.
Riri let out a small groan at my words, but she quickly regained her composure.
“I thought about it, but I don’t want the necklace you gave me to be confiscated at school. And buttoning up my blouse and lengthening my skirt isn’t… functional in this heat.”
I also don’t want the necklace to be confiscated, so that’s fine.
But I want to say something about the blouse and skirt.
“Didn’t you say you don’t use the word ‘functional’ for clothes?”
Those were her words when I talked about the functionality of my sweatsuit.
“I don’t, but you did, Mashiro.”
I see, she thought I’d be convinced if she used my own words against me.
But I’m also happy that she remembers such small details.
I realized that this is how relationships deepen as time passes.
“Well, it’s fine.”
“Eh, seriously?”
Riri’s surprised voice.
It’s strange, but I feel like I’m more tolerant of Riri than I used to be.
It’s probably because I’m more confident in our relationship, knowing that she understands me and still wants to be with me.
“It’s more… you, after all.”
“Ehehe…? Right? I knew it.”
Our relationship, unchanged even after I revealed everything, is filling the loneliness within me.
“Let’s go.”
“I’m tired, but it’ll be over soon, so I guess I’ll endure it.”
A languid, hot summer.
But I can face it with a smile as long as I’m with Riri.
◇◇◇
The closing ceremony was a formal affair, time passing by without anything particularly noteworthy happening.
I did listen to Kanaori Reika’s speech on the stage, but the rest was a blur.
It ended before I knew it, and the students started leaving the gymnasium.
I followed the flow of the crowd.
As I walked down the hallway, the summer sun suddenly shone through the windows.
I squinted, and then someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Eh…?”
I turned around, and there were swaying twintails.
“Amatsuki Suzuna, I need to talk to you.”
“Kokona-chan? What is it?”
“It’s too crowded here, so let’s go somewhere else. I won’t take up too much of your time.”
There’s still some time before the teacher comes to the classroom.
And we only have homeroom left.
It shouldn’t be a problem.
I followed Kokona-chan and left the crowded hallway.
◇◇◇
We arrived at the courtyard.
It’s been a while, and the plants had grown lush and green, the trees covered in vibrant leaves.
“So, you finally broke up with Onii-chan.”
Kokona-chan got straight to the point.
Shindo-kun must have told her.
“It wasn’t a ‘breakup.’ We weren’t even dating in the first place.”
“But you were more than friends. You’ve been taking care of Onii-chan all this time, since we were little.”
“Well, that might be true… but I stopped that in the spring.”
It was an unexpected consequence that Kokona-chan’s attitude towards Shindo-kun changed because of that.
“I know that, but you didn’t tell him clearly, did you?”
“That’s true, I didn’t.”
I realized that my half-hearted attitude was the cause of everything, so I clarified my stance.
I couldn’t face Riri otherwise.
“Onii-chan liked you, you know. He was treating you like… more than a friend, less than a lover, because of your long-standing relationship, but he was a bit… conflicted when he heard you had someone you liked.”
“I… see.”
I didn’t sense that at all, but I guess those feelings were there somewhere.
“He didn’t even realize it himself. He finally understood that having someone by his side isn’t something to be taken for granted, after you left.”
“But that’s the same for you, Kokona-chan, isn’t it?”
Kokona-chan’s character was always competing with Amatsuki Suzuna, diligently taking care of her brother.
Since her attitude changed around spring, she must have felt a sense of loss then too.
“Well… that’s true. But Kokona is his little sister, so our relationship will continue. For better or worse, that’s what family is.”
“I see…”
“But I think it’s a good thing in the end. I feel like it’s finally a chance for Onii-chan, who always relies on others, to become more independent.”
“I see, then maybe it’s a good thing.”
There are people who will offer you a helping hand, but there will always be a time when you have to stand on your own two feet.
Otherwise, the relationship will eventually become distorted.
That’s my experience.
“So, are things going well with Hinase Riri?”
“…?!”
How does she know that?
I haven’t told Shindo-kun.
Kanaori-san and Futaba-senpai know, but they’re not the type to gossip…
Could it be that everyone at school already knows…?
“I can tell just by looking at you. Kokona has also known you almost as long as Onii-chan.”
“Ah, I see… that’s true.”
“Well, it’s fine, isn’t it? You, who have been clinging to Onii-chan since we were little, have finally found someone new. That’s healthier.”
“Well, yeah… thanks to her.”
I don’t know what to say anymore.
“At first, I wondered why you were with such a gal, but seeing how much you’ve changed, maybe I was prejudiced.”
“…Have I really changed…?”
“You have, haven’t you? I don’t know if it’s for better or worse, but…”
“There’s a ‘worse’ scenario?”
“Well, you’re not as… gentle and agreeable as before. You’ve become more assertive.”
“That’s… not a good change…”
I think there’s a difference because I’m not Amatsuki Suzuna.
But even so, it’s not a positive change.
“But those are trivial things. You don’t have to worry about them.”
“I wonder…”
That makes me even more worried.
“You are. You’re much happier now than before.”
“…Eh?”
It’s embarrassing that it’s so obvious.
“Th-That’s not true!”
“Don’t get so flustered, it’s tiring to watch.”
I’m sorry…
I wonder how many times Kokona-chan sighed while waiting for me to calm down.
“So it’s fine. The important thing is whether you’re happy or not.”
Kokona-chan stretched, raising both hands.
As if to say she had said everything she wanted to say, she turned around and left the courtyard.
“Kokona also needs to learn a little from you.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but we parted ways.
The sun was scorching, so I returned to the classroom.
Summer break was just around the corner.
Leave a Reply