Chapter 11: Unfair Heavens
After tearing up the diary, Lu Li sat on a rock by the field, gazing at the vast expanse before him. He saw the distant mountains, the birds circling in the sky, the wind rustling through the withered trees, the ocean, the snow-capped mountains, little An Baili walking home dejectedly with a dolphin balloon, and the grown-up An Baili crying and begging him not to leave. It turned out that everything was predestined, their fates intertwined in a closed loop.
Now, Lu Li knew how to save An Baili. But what should he do? Should he transfer the price to innocent people like Mei Jinliu did?
Whenever he felt conflicted, Lu Li liked to talk to Chu Jingyi or Wen Hupo. The former brought him joy and comfort, while the latter helped him clear his mind. He had helped Wen Hupo register her WeChat account. He opened the app, looked at her default profile picture of blue sky and white clouds, and after hesitating for a long time, he clicked on Chu Jingyi’s chat window.
[Lu Li: Good morning.]
Chu Jingyi replied quickly.
[Silly Goose: It’s not morning anymore! Look at the time!]
Her tone reminded Lu Li of the times at school when the Class Monitor would scold him for skipping class with her hands on her hips. If they were alone, Lu Li would sneakily wrap his arms around her slender waist. He just had to lean in a little, and Silly Goose would blush furiously, pressing her lips together and saying, half-pleading, half-demanding, “Don’t kiss me.”
Of course, he couldn’t kiss her. She and An Baili had made a pact, no dating before graduation. She would definitely keep her promise, and he believed Baili would too…
[Lu Li: Yi Bao, I need your advice on something, okay?]
It was embarrassing, an old man like him asking a naive little girl for advice.
[Silly Goose: Huh? How would I know something you don’t?]
[Lu Li: Yi Bao, have you ever done something wrong?]
[Silly Goose: Of course. I was very mean to you in my first year… I still regret it, I’m sorry, Lu Li… #tears]
Looking at the emoji Silly Goose sent, Lu Li couldn’t help but smile. This silly girl, still feeling guilty about that? He was the one who should be feeling guilty now.
[Lu Li: Yi Bao, listen, what if, I mean what if, you had to do something wrong for someone very important to you, would you do it?]
The girl was silent for a long time.
[Silly Goose: Isn’t there a way to have the best of both worlds?]
[Lu Li: No.]
[Silly Goose: What would happen if I didn’t do it?]
[Lu Li: Then that very important person would disappear from your world forever.]
[Silly Goose: Do you hate me, Lu Li? I’m sorry… Did I do something wrong to make you hate me… Please don’t say that…]
Lu Li chuckled. A girl’s heart was so delicate. She actually thought he was angry with her. This silly girl’s first reaction was to apologize. Perhaps he had underestimated his importance in Silly Goose’s heart.
[Lu Li: Silly, I’m not angry with you.]
[Silly Goose: …Can I choose not to choose?… If it were me, I would rather disappear, so no one has to be in a difficult position.]
That was a typical Chu Jingyi answer. This girl was so pure, so innocent. Spoiled children and those who lacked love had one thing in common: they both liked to sacrifice themselves. The former sacrificed for themselves, the latter for others. Unfortunately, there was no such thing as having the best of both worlds.
[Lu Li: Yi Bao, is Baili awake yet? Can I talk to her?]
[Silly Goose: No, she’s sleeping soundly. I tried to wake her up, but I couldn’t. She must be exhausted. Let her rest.]
She couldn’t be woken up no matter how hard she tried? It seemed like her symptoms were getting worse… Lu Li asked Silly Goose to take a picture of An Baili sleeping and send it to him, trying to sound casual. Soon, Chu Jingyi sent him a picture. An Baili was lying on her side, her long eyelashes casting butterfly-like shadows on her fair skin. Lu Li thought An Baili had the most beautiful eyebrows in the world. Whenever she smiled, her eyebrows would furrow slightly, like a bird spreading its wings. Perhaps this girl had made mistakes, had been selfish, but Lu Li had never truly hated her. Even during those difficult days after his rebirth, he always had a soft spot for her in his heart.
To err is human. From An Baili, Lu Li had learned forgiveness. This was their love.
“Aren’t you afraid I’ll cling to you if you’re so nice to me?”
“I want to be with you, until the end of the world.”
“I want you to love me again.”
“Never leave me, okay?”
“Honey, I missed you so much~”
“I won’t go… I won’t go… I’ll never leave… Waaah…”
Scenes of his time with An Baili flashed through his mind like a revolving lantern. Her every smile, every frown, every joy, every anger, was vividly etched in his memory.
Was there anyone who could compare to An Baili? Every girl was unique and precious in his heart, an irreplaceable treasure. But An Baili was a diamond in the rough, entrusting herself entirely to him, letting him shape and mold her. In that case, did he even have a choice?
“Is this the only solution to the price?” Lu Li looked at the sky with a wry smile. “Is this Baili’s price, or mine?”
He ended the conversation with Chu Jingyi. After thinking for a moment, he sent a message to Sister Yameng: “Sis, I miss you.”
Sister Yameng didn’t reply. She had just joined the second team and probably didn’t dare to slack off yet.
He called Chen Jianing. The little tiger answered immediately, her voice sharp. “What? I have class soon, why are you calling?”
“Did you receive the gift?” After receiving the New Year’s money from the Chu family, Lu Li sent a gift to the little tiger as an apology. It was a punching doll with his face on it. If you flicked its head, it would wobble back and forth like a boxer who had just taken a hit.
“Hmph. What a lousy gift, trying to apologize with a cheap toy? No way.” The little tiger snorted. “Anything else? If not, hang up, I have class.”
“Okay, you hang up then.”
“I won’t. Too lazy to move my finger.” Chen Jianing said.
“Do you hate me?”
“I hate you to death. Taking advantage of the situation last time and stealing my, my first kiss.” Her voice became muffled towards the end.
“I don’t hate you. Bye.” Lu Li hung up before the little tiger could respond.
Finally, he sent a message to Wen Hupo: “Are you busy?”
Wen Hupo replied with a picture: “Busy working for the outstanding representative.”
“Thank you for your hard work.”
“Mm.” A casual and indifferent reply. He couldn’t tell what the girl was really thinking.
Turning off his phone, Lu Li felt a burden lift from his shoulders. He got up and walked towards the old Mei residence, passing through the tombstones that represented time and sorrow. The shuffling sound still came from deep within the house, but this time, Lu Li wasn’t scared, only filled with pity. What price did that villager have to bear?
A hammer, covered in cobwebs, leaned against the wall. Mei Jinliu must have left it behind, right? The hammer that earned twenty-five yuan per swing? The hammer that caused irreversible consequences?
He took off the pendant, tossed it on the floor, and then calmly picked up the hammer. Images flashed through his mind: Mei Jinliu’s selfishness and madness, the despair hidden beneath Village Head Gong’s calmness, An Baili clutching her chest and coughing painfully, and the impoverished people in the low-rent district, barely clothed.
There was no such thing as love or hate in this world, it was all just self-inflicted torment.
“Fuck you, God!”
The hammer fell, shattering the pendant. Crystalline fragments scattered everywhere like a sudden downpour. The young man’s eyes were calm and deep as a lake. If An Baili had to pay a price, then he would bear it for her. Even if it meant a double price, he wouldn’t hesitate.
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