Chapter 12: The Silent Call
It was Chu Jingyi calling. This was her first time calling him since his birthday. Before that day, Silly Goose would send a “good night” message promptly at nine every night. Since then, she rarely initiated contact. Although their communication became less frequent, Lu Li felt that their hearts had actually grown closer. The Chu Jingyi before was more like admiration evolving into love, guilt transforming into compensation. Now, Chu Jingyi had become so complex that Lu Li couldn’t quite understand her.
She was still a simple and lovely girl, yet her thoughts were as elusive as a needle in the ocean.
“Jingyi.”
“Lu Li…” Silly Goose’s voice on the other end of the phone was hesitant. “Are you alright?”
He couldn’t be better, with no signs of being infected by Chen Jianing. But he definitely couldn’t say that.
“I’m doing very well. How about you? Are there any cases in Chuanhai?”
“No…” Chu Jingyi’s voice was particularly hesitant today, like the weather in the south, humid, sticky, indecisive.
She didn’t speak anymore, only the faint sound of her breathing could be heard. This reminded Lu Li of the first time he talked to Chu Jingyi on the phone. Neither of them wanted to hang up, and they maintained this strange, silent connection. Lu Li’s thoughts drifted back to that drizzly evening.
***
“Lu Li, am I in love with you? Or am I sick?” Under the black umbrella was a delicate beauty as white as jade. Chu Jingyi clutched the fabric of her shirt over her chest, as if clutching her own heart.
“Whether you’re in love or not, it’s not for me to say.” If this were a month ago, Lu Li would have given an affirmative answer. But he had already made that mistake with An Baili – those who tried to manipulate hearts with words would only face backlash. “Whether you like me or not, only you know.”
“What does it mean to like someone?” This innocent girl asked one of the ultimate questions of human society. What was liking? What was love?
Liking was love at first sight, liking was hormones at play, liking was the restlessness of youth, liking was… what was liking?
“It’s wanting to be with that person always.”
“Even if you’re unhappy? Even if it hurts? Even if it feels like someone is pricking your heart with needles?”
“…” Lu Li realized how superficial he was. He couldn’t even answer this question. Love in a materialistic society was often associated with self-interest. If it didn’t make you better, if it didn’t make you happy, it wasn’t true love – this kind of argument had become mainstream. Love that weathered hardships together seemed to no longer exist.
“I asked other girls.” Chu Jingyi’s eyes were filled with a heartbreaking confusion. “They said if you’re unhappy, just leave. But I don’t want to lose Lu Li at all. I think I probably, should, maybe be in love with you.”
I like you too.
These words were about to burst out of Lu Li’s mouth. But he held back. “Liking someone and loving someone are different. The former is sweet and bitter, the latter is heavy and arduous.”
“…I don’t understand…”
“Whether you like me or not, you have to feel it with your own heart. Liking is like the tide, it ebbs and flows. When it rises, it’s called love at first sight. When it falls, it’s just fondness. Jingyi, no matter what you think, Lu Li will always be your best friend.”
Chu Jingyi finally understood. Lu Li was looking down on her.
He thought her feelings were just innocent infatuation, like the birds of early spring, coming and going without a trace, leaving only the chirping in the forest.
“Lu Li, do you like me?” This question was like Sister Yameng’s spike, direct, forceful, like a sharp knife. It seemed that both father and daughter from the Chu family were good at asking such straightforward questions, often catching Lu Li off guard.
“I’ll tell you my answer when you figure it out yourself.” The young man’s answer drifted away with the wind.
This was their conversation that day. Perhaps Lu Li’s expression was more complex and conflicted, but he couldn’t remember clearly. His mind was already deeply imprinted with Silly Goose’s innocent and confused expression.
Lu Li cleared his throat. “Jingyi…”
“Lu Li…”
They spoke at the same time, then both fell silent.
Lu Li actually wanted to ask her how she did on the mid-term exam, if her grades had stabilized, and how she was getting along with An Baili recently.
“You go first.” In the end, all his words turned into these three simple and emotionless words.
“Someone took over your activity classroom.” Chu Jingyi was speaking, but Lu Li’s mind wasn’t on the content of her words, but on the girl’s gentle voice. Was her voice always this gentle? Why hadn’t he noticed before? It was light and airy, like a feather landing on a soft pillow…
“Oh.”
“It’s a foreigner, a very pretty girl.”
“Hmm.”
“Aren’t you going to ask her name? She’s a pretty girl.”
It was Shirley Amber, or Wen Hupo. What was the point of asking her name? Her name was already engraved in Lu Li’s heart, deeply etched.
“No need.”
“…” Chu Jingyi was silent for a moment. Lu Li didn’t know what she was feeling.
Her tone was a bit higher than before, as if she was a little happy. “Although she’s a bit bossy, she’s a very smart and generous girl. Maybe even smarter than you, Lu Li.”
“I’m not smart.” Lu Li chuckled.
Chu Jingyi let out a soft hum, then fell silent again, like a chess player who had run out of moves, or a gambler who had lost all his chips. She wasn’t good at handling intimate relationships. All she could talk about was this new, pretty girl. She simply thought that Lu Li would be excited about a pretty girl, so she said that.
She wanted Lu Li to be happy, but she didn’t want him to be too happy. It was all so complicated.
Lu Li, however, enjoyed this silence. When he was with Chu Jingyi, just being like this, doing nothing, was enough to make him feel comfortable. Only two people made him feel this way, one was Wen Hupo, and the other was Chu Jingyi in this life.
Suddenly, a soft whimpering sound came from Chen Jianing’s room. It was very faint, Chu Jingyi probably couldn’t hear it, but Lu Li did.
He had to break this comfortable silence. “I’m going to hang up now.”
“…” Still no response.
Just as Lu Li was about to hang up, he suddenly heard Chu Jingyi say in a hurried voice, “I miss you.” Then came a beep, and the call ended, leaving only an empty contact page. Lu Li was stunned for a while, unable to tell if he had imagined those words.
His heart, however, was beating uncontrollably.
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