Chapter 51: Willing
You Ruxu fell asleep leaning against Zhou Tianzui. She had been talking, then her voice trailed off. Zhou Tianzui looked up and saw her head drooping, her eyes closed, looking utterly exhausted.
From last night until now, she hadn’t had a proper rest, she was truly tired.
Zhou Tianzui chuckled, gently laid You Ruxu on the sofa, her head resting on Zhou Tianzui’s lap, and removed the hair clip holding her hair up. You Ruxu’s hair cascaded down, and Zhou Tianzui carefully gathered it, strand by strand, removing the leather band from her wrist and using it to tie You Ruxu’s hair, revealing her clean and fair face.
She was wearing makeup, concealing her pallor. Zhou Tianzui’s finger traced her earlobe, her cheek, then rested on her lips, leaning down for a soft kiss.
Soft, sweet, and an indescribable feeling swirling in her heart.
Zhou Tianzui also leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes.
You Ruxu slept soundly, even having a pleasant dream. When she opened her eyes, she felt as if this was the unreal world. Zhou Tianzui’s slightly hoarse voice asked, “Awake?”
She came to her senses and nodded. Zhou Tianzui stood up and handed her a glass of warm water. You Ruxu took a sip, the warmth pulling her back to reality.
Zhou Tianzui asked, “Going home?”
You Ruxu said, “What time is it?”
Zhou Tianzui said, “6:30.”
Night fell early. It was dark outside. You Ruxu took her phone and checked the time. No calls, no messages. She didn’t know if Wu Xiulian was home yet.
She nodded, “Going home.”
Zhou Tianzui handed her her jacket. You Ruxu wanted to take the equipment, but Zhou Tianzui said, “Leave it here, I’ll bring it to you tomorrow.”
You Ruxu still needed to get IV drips tomorrow, for three days. She nodded, “Okay.”
They left the room. The cold air hit them. You Ruxu called a taxi, intending to let Zhou Tianzui go back to her hotel, but Zhou Tianzui said, “I have nothing to do at the hotel, I’ll go with you.”
Figuring she would indeed be bored alone, You Ruxu didn’t refuse. In the car, she wanted to message Wu Xiulian, but hesitated, constantly looking at her phone, her knuckles white from tension. Zhou Tianzui was looking down at her phone. You Ruxu’s phone buzzed with a notification. She glanced at the screen; it was from Zhou Tianzui, a cute, animated emoji.
You Ruxu chuckled.
She turned to look at Zhou Tianzui, who was looking out the window, her expression calm and indifferent. You Ruxu clicked on the emoji and replied with a smiley face. Zhou Tianzui sent another one, and they continued exchanging pointless emojis like kindergarteners, despite sitting right next to each other.
You Ruxu’s mood had improved considerably by the time they arrived. She said to Zhou Tianzui, “You should go back.”
Zhou Tianzui nodded, “Okay, go home.”
You Ruxu waved and turned to go upstairs. Just as Zhou Tianzui was about to get into the taxi, she saw someone in the distance carrying several shopping bags, all with luxury brand logos, clearly expensive purchases. She said to the driver, “You can go ahead.”
She walked towards Wu Xiulian.
Wu Xiulian saw her. She hesitated slightly, then continued walking. Zhou Tianzui called out, “Auntie.”
She offered to help carry the bags. Wu Xiulian didn’t seem angry or annoyed, just calmly handed her the bags and said, “Thank you.”
Zhou Tianzui said, “You’re welcome.”
She accompanied Wu Xiulian into the lobby. It was brightly lit. Both elevators were occupied. You Ruxu had already gone up. Wu Xiulian and Zhou Tianzui stood by the elevator furthest from the entrance. The other elevator arrived first, and the people waiting quickly filled it, leaving only Wu Xiulian and Zhou Tianzui.
Soon, their elevator arrived, and Wu Xiulian stepped inside.
Zhou Tianzui followed. Wu Xiulian said, “Did you drive Ruxu back?”
“Yes.” Zhou Tianzui said, “She went to pick up her equipment.”
What equipment? She just wanted to see her. But Zhou Tianzui was still making excuses for You Ruxu. Wu Xiulian’s expression softened a little, and she said, “Thank you for last night.”
Zhou Tianzui’s expression remained unchanged, “You’re welcome.”
Wu Xiulian paused, then heard Zhou Tianzui call out, “Auntie.”
She turned around. Zhou Tianzui looked at her, her gaze calm and clear, and asked, “Do you mind her dating me, or do you mind that it’s me she’s dating?”
The two questions seemed similar, but Wu Xiulian understood her meaning. She thought for a few seconds and said, “I’m not against her dating.”
Even if it was a woman, Wu Xiulian could try to accept it. But she looked at Zhou Tianzui and asked, “What about you?”
“Does your mother object to you dating?”
Zhou Tianzui’s words caught in her throat.
She thought for a moment and said, “I’ll talk to my mother. I know you’re concerned about what happened in the past. I want to say that it’s been many years, and I don’t care anymore. I just want to be with her now.”
Wu Xiulian asked, “Do you not care, or does your mother not care either?”
She always knew how to hit where it hurt.
Zhou Tianzui’s jaw tightened.
Wu Xiulian looked at her and said, “Those bags are gifts for you. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I bought a few extra things. Dr. Zhou, I know you’ve been very good to Ruxu, I’m very grateful that you’ve let go of the past and don’t blame her, but I also hope you’ll think carefully about whether you two are truly suitable for each other.”
Zhou Tianzui remained silent.
The elevator arrived. Wu Xiulian stepped out. Zhou Tianzui, behind her, said, “If she’s willing, then we’re suitable.”
Wu Xiulian turned around and looked at Zhou Tianzui.
She also knew her own weakness.
The two of them, holding each other’s weaknesses, neither willing to yield, their gazes locked. The image of You Ruxu rummaging through the garbage flashed before Wu Xiulian’s eyes. She hadn’t been able to close her eyes since last night, the scene replaying every time she did, the impact too great to bear.
After all these years, had there been other times, times she didn’t know about, when You Ruxu had also done such things?
After a long moment, Wu Xiulian looked away, as if conceding defeat, or perhaps accepting Zhou Tianzui’s words.
If You Ruxu was willing, then they were suitable.
How could she not understand such a simple truth? She just didn’t want to understand, selfishly thinking that her daughter would always need her. Because she was so obedient, it was necessary to make decisions for her, Wu Xiulian always convinced herself of this. But she forgot that You Ruxu had grown up, she wasn’t the lost and helpless child who first came to their home, nor was she the five-year-old daughter who would never grow up.
She was the one who hadn’t accepted her changing role, interfering in You Ruxu’s life, time and time again. It wasn’t that You Ruxu needed it, she was just tolerating it. Wu Xiulian had always thought You Ruxu was with Zhou Tianzui out of guilt, hence the hurt.
Then what about herself?
Wu Xiulian paused for a few seconds, “You’re right, I suddenly feel, we’re the same.”
They weren’t the same. You Ruxu loved Zhou Tianzui, it wasn’t tolerance, it was different from her. But she didn’t want to admit her mistake, and even if she did, she wanted to drag Zhou Tianzui down with her.
Wu Xiulian, unable to argue, turned and went home.
You Ruxu sat on the sofa. Hearing the door open, she looked up and saw Wu Xiulian. She stood up and called out, “Mom.”
Wu Xiulian nodded and said, “I went out to buy some things.”
You Ruxu walked over to her: “What did you buy?”
Her tone was slightly ingratiating. Wu Xiulian looked at her, the image she had built of her daughter shattering, now being rebuilt. But Wu Xiulian wasn’t used to it yet. She looked down, her tone indifferent, “Nothing much, I bought you some gloves.”
You Ruxu took the gloves. They were pink and fluffy, a set with a matching scarf and earmuffs. Wu Xiulian’s hands were cold, her fingertips icy. You Ruxu instinctively wanted to hold her hand, but Wu Xiulian withdrew it. You Ruxu’s expression was slightly dazed.
Wu Xiulian asked, “Where’s your father?”
“He hasn’t come home from work yet.” You Ruxu asked, “Should I go pick him up?”
“No need.” Wu Xiulian said, “He drove today.”
You Ruxu nodded. Wu Xiulian put down the shopping bags and went to the kitchen. You Ruxu followed her. The kitchen window was half-open, the wind blowing in, making You Ruxu shiver, a coldness settling in her chest. Wu Xiulian calmly closed the window, seemingly unaffected by the cold.
But You Ruxu felt chilled by her attitude.
You Ruxu pursed her lips and stood there, not daring to move closer.
Wu Xiulian busied herself with cooking, not turning around. You Ruxu just stood there, the only sound the rhythmic clatter of the wok and spatula. After a while, Wu Xiulian turned around, “Why are you just standing there? Go sit on the sofa.”
You Ruxu nodded and went back to the sofa, her chin resting on the backrest, her gaze towards the kitchen.
When she was young, she would often watch Wu Xiulian cook like this. Every time Wu Xiulian brought out a dish, she would take a moment to hug her and ask, “Are you hungry? If you are, we don’t have to wait for your father, we can eat first.”
She would shake her head and say, “I’m not hungry.”
You Ruxu wasn’t hungry now either, just a tightness in her chest. She bit her lip, her gaze fixed on the kitchen. Soon, Wu Xiulian finished cooking a dish and, as she placed it on the table, glanced towards You Ruxu. You Ruxu instantly tensed up. Wu Xiulian didn’t approach, but turned and went back to the kitchen.
It felt like a battle, leaving You Ruxu exhausted and aching, a coldness seeping into her bones, enveloping her. The heater was on full blast, but she didn’t feel warm at all.
Wu Xiulian, after finishing cooking, stood in the kitchen, looking at the stove and dishes, when she heard a voice behind her: “Mom.”
She turned around. You Ruxu stood there, her lips pursed, the same stubborn look as last night. Wu Xiulian asked, “What is it?”
You Ruxu said, “Are you still angry?”
Wu Xiulian opened her mouth, then closed it without speaking.
Angry, angry about what? Angry that she was dating a woman? Angry that she wasn’t obedient? Angry that she hadn’t grown up the way she expected? Angry that she wasn’t following the path she had laid out for her?
Whose life was it anyway, You Ruxu’s or hers?
Wu Xiulian suddenly remembered Zhou Tianzui’s words in the elevator, if she’s willing, then we’re suitable.
From the very beginning, Zhou Tianzui hadn’t used You Ruxu’s guilt as leverage, respecting You Ruxu’s choices as an equal, while she herself, clinging to the past, wanted You Ruxu to follow her plan.
Wu Xiulian looked down, pretending to be busy, and said, “No.”
You Ruxu took a step closer, looked at Wu Xiulian’s back, and reached out, wanting to hug her, but as adults, they rarely expressed their affection so openly. So, You Ruxu’s hand, raised hesitantly, lowered again. Her voice was soft, “Mom, if you’re angry, just scold me, okay?”
Wu Xiulian turned around, seeing You Ruxu’s pale face and slightly red eyes.
You Ruxu rarely cried, she wasn’t the type to cry easily. When she was young, Wu Xiulian had once teased her: “Do you want some cake?”
You Ruxu had nodded, “Yes, I do.”
Wu Xiulian had said, “Then cry, if you cry, your mom will buy you some.”
And she had heard You Ruxu’s childish voice say, “No, Mommy won’t like me if I cry.”
Back then, it had seemed like a normal response, but now, recalling it, it was like a clap of thunder. Mommy wouldn’t like her if she cried, so she didn’t cry. Mommy wouldn’t like her if she did certain things, so she didn’t do them. Then how much must she love Zhou Tianzui, to defy her lifelong belief and persist.
Wu Xiulian said, “I should scold you, for being disobedient, for not taking care of yourself.”
The familiar nagging. She looked at You Ruxu, her heart aching, seeing her tense body, her pale face, her trying to be strong even when sick. Wu Xiulian turned around, muttered for a few minutes, then without warning, reached out and hugged You Ruxu.
A warm embrace, just like before.
You Ruxu’s body stiffened slightly, then relaxed as warmth spread through her.
Leave a Reply