Chapter 38: Sleep
Wu Xiulian came out of her room. You Ruxu was holding her phone, lost in thought. Wu Xiulian walked over, not looking at You Ruxu’s phone, but calling out, “Xu Xu.”
You Ruxu snapped back to reality and looked up at Wu Xiulian. After a few glasses of wine, she felt a little tipsy and had a sudden urge to go find Zhou Tianzui. But Wu Xiulian’s words were like thorns, pricking her, preventing her from moving. Wu Xiulian said, “What are you thinking about? I called you several times.”
You Ruxu put away her phone and said, “Nothing, Aunt, are you busy?”
Wu Xiulian was always busy at work. Previously, she would often be called away for meetings while talking to You Ruxu, so You Ruxu was used to it. Wu Xiulian said, “No, I want to chat with our Xu Xu.”
You Ruxu leaned back on the sofa, looking at Wu Xiulian. Her grandparents had passed away early, so she had grown up with Wu Xiulian, who loved taking her out to play. Sometimes, when they went out, she would say, “Don’t call me Aunt, call me older sister.”
She would obediently call out, “Older sister.”
And introduce Wu Xiulian as her older sister to everyone. When Wu Xiulian’s mother found out, she would scold them both. Back then, Wu Xiulian’s mother wasn’t as gentle as she was now. Taking care of two children, she would often lose her temper. But Wu Xiulian would say, “It’s okay, your mom is all bark and no bite, we just need to coax her and act cute.”
She would then follow Wu Xiulian’s lead, often making Wu Xiulian’s mother laugh and cry at the same time, until she asked You Shu to discipline them.
They were still afraid of You Shu and behaved much better in front of him. Later, when Wu Xiulian was busy with university, she came home less often. During high school, You Ruxu often went home with her deskmate, a gentle person. You Ruxu had seen Wu Xiulian argue with her angrily, but the girl would just softly say, “I’m sorry, Xiulian.”
After that, when Wu Xiulian went to university, You Ruxu never saw that deskmate again. Wu Xiulian, however, started dating again, even bringing You Ruxu to meet a few of her boyfriends, trying her old trick again, asking You Ruxu to call her “older sister.” But You Ruxu was older now and couldn’t bring herself to say it.
But in You Ruxu’s heart, Wu Xiulian was always like a mother and an older sister, teaching her many things. Things that Wu Xiulian’s mother couldn’t say directly, Wu Xiulian would tell her. She didn’t shy away from any topic, so she asked directly, “Xu Xu, are you in a relationship?”
You Ruxu gripped her glass, her pupils constricting as she looked at Wu Xiulian.
In a relationship?
Her and Zhou Tianzui.
You Ruxu asked, “Am I?”
“Yes.” Wu Xiulian was certain. “Xu Xu, you’re different from when you came back six months ago.”
You Ruxu looked at Wu Xiulian, “How am I different?”
Wu Xiulian said, “Your emotions.”
The You Ruxu before was like stagnant water, always calm and undisturbed. She remembered when You Ruxu insisted on going to Jindu, Wu Xiulian’s mother had been very anxious, asking her to persuade You Ruxu. Jindu was a new and unfamiliar place, no one to take care of her there, they were all reluctant to let her go. She had talked to You Ruxu, who just calmly said, “Aunt, I have to go, I want to go.”
She had asked, “Then when will you come back?”
You Ruxu had thought for a moment, “Maybe in a few years.”
She had returned a few times since, her demeanor the same as before. Wu Xiulian had teased her, asking if she had someone special there, hence her reluctance to return. But those were just jokes, until this time. Wu Xiulian sensed that You Ruxu was different.
The previously stagnant water had been infused with a fresh spring, flowing and vibrant. She saw a range of emotions in You Ruxu, and being experienced in life, she knew what those emotions meant.
You Ruxu looked down.
Wu Xiulian said, “Xu Xu, you’re in love, your aunt should be happy for you, should bless you, but…”
You Ruxu remained silent, taking another sip of wine.
Wu Xiulian continued, “You should know what your aunt is trying to say.”
You Ruxu said, “I know.”
Wu Xiulian asked, “Do you love her very much?”
Love her very much?
You Ruxu remembered the first time she met Zhou Tianzui, she had liked her immediately, but that was a friendly affection, admiration. She liked Zhou Tianzui without knowing who she was. After a few more encounters, she enjoyed spending time with her even more. It wasn’t that she didn’t have friends, she had several before, but they gradually drifted apart. After meeting Zhou Tianzui, they became closer, and she finally recognized her.
That affection became mixed with a heavy sense of guilt, at times suffocating her. She wanted to get closer, but didn’t dare to. Zhou Tianzui, oblivious, cared for her when she was at her most vulnerable, after being attacked. Zhou Tianzui hinted at wanting to take their relationship further, and You Ruxu accepted it all. Anything Zhou Tianzui wanted, she had no reason to refuse.
During the three years they were together, she sometimes couldn’t distinguish whether it was affection or guilt that was stronger, but Zhou Tianzui’s recent changes made her realize that it was affection.
You Ruxu said, “Yes, I do.” She said, “Aunt, I love her very much.”
She loved Zhou Tianzui. They were changing, slowly. She was shedding the heavy guilt, they were on a new path.
She felt happy and joyful because of Zhou Tianzui’s words, wanting to be with her, not out of guilt, but simply because of love.
Wu Xiulian wasn’t surprised by her honesty, nodding, “That child seems good, I also like her very much, but your parents won’t.”
You Ruxu’s expression faltered. Wu Xiulian said, “I can see it, and your mother can see it too, but she hasn’t said anything to you, has she?”
She hadn’t.
Zhou Tianzui had been away for so long, and there had been very little mention of her at home.
Wu Xiulian said, “You should understand what your mother means.”
Because they didn’t acknowledge it, there was no need to discuss it.
You Ruxu understood.
Her emotions fluctuated, but her expression remained unchanged, her lips pressed tightly together. Wu Xiulian said, “Have another glass.”
You Ruxu said, “I should go home.”
Wu Xiulian sighed, “Really not staying with your aunt tonight?” She pouted slightly, “I still want to sleep with you, you used to cling to me at night, and now you don’t want me anymore.”
You Ruxu forced a smile, “Aunt.”
Wu Xiulian pinched her cheek, “I’m just teasing you, go home, your parents should be asleep by now.”
At this hour, Wu Xiulian and You Shu were indeed asleep. You Ruxu opened the door and entered. The hallway light was on, a small nightlight. She remembered how, when she was young, she was afraid to go to the bathroom at night and would always hold it in. A few times, she couldn’t hold it any longer and would run into Wu Xiulian, who wouldn’t say anything, just leave the hallway light on. Later, when she was older, she would always instinctively turn it off, but if she woke up early in the morning, she would see the light still on. A few times, she heard Wu Xiulian say to You Shu, “Don’t turn off the light when you get up at night, Ruxu is afraid of the dark when she goes to the bathroom.”
Back then, when she was studying late into the night during junior high and high school, she would see that warm, dim yellow light whenever she opened the door.
You Ruxu turned off the light and went to her room. Passing by her parents’ room, it was dark, they were probably sound asleep. She took her clothes and went to take a shower. Returning to her room, she saw several messages from Zhou Tianzui.
[Where’s the nonsense, Teacher You?]
[Where are you?]
[Are you asleep?]
[Still at your aunt’s?]
She pursed her lips, sat on the edge of the bed, water droplets falling from her hair onto her pajamas. She touched the screen, then glanced at the small, square, deep purple gift box on her dresser, the one Zhou Tianzui said was to make her happy. You Ruxu walked over, took the box, and opened it. Inside was a pair of earrings, milky white pearl earrings, a simple design. You Ruxu held them in her hand, then sat in front of the mirror and put them on, looking at herself from different angles. She took a photo with her phone and sent it to Zhou Tianzui.
You Ruxu: [Do they look good?]
Zhou Tianzui was about to go look for her downstairs. You Ruxu hadn’t replied for a long time, and she figured You Ruxu was probably with her aunt. She wondered if calling would interrupt their conversation, so she waited.
She waited and waited, even finishing the novel, but still didn’t receive a reply from You Ruxu. Just as she was about to call, she saw the photo.
You Ruxu, fresh from the shower, sat in front of the mirror, her hair damp, wearing a simple cotton nightgown, buttoned to the top, revealing her slender neck, her milky skin glowing with a faint blush in the light. One hand held the phone, the other touched the earring as she asked: [Do they look good?]
Zhou Tianzui wanted to pull You Ruxu out of the photo and tell her in person how beautiful she looked.
And she did just that, calling her. You Ruxu answered immediately. Zhou Tianzui asked, “Just showered?”
You Ruxu said, “Yes, what are you doing?”
Zhou Tianzui said, “Waiting for you.”
You Ruxu hummed softly, “Waiting for me?”
“Waiting for your nonsense.” Zhou Tianzui’s voice held a hint of amusement, “What did you want to say?”
“I—” Unlike Zhou Tianzui’s lighthearted tone, You Ruxu hesitated, her voice slightly muffled by the phone. Zhou Tianzui caught the hesitation and asked, “What’s wrong?”
You Ruxu said, “It’s nothing, I had a bit too much to drink at my aunt’s, I have a headache.”
She lay back on the bed, her hair still wet, and hugged the teddy bear beside her, as if she was hugging Zhou Tianzui. She wasn’t sure if she was drunk. She called out, “Zhou Tianzui.”
Zhou Tianzui suppressed the words on the tip of her tongue, “Hmm?”
“I’m sleepy, Zhou Tianzui.”
Her voice was clear and not very loud. She didn’t notice the person standing at the door. Wu Xiulian, hearing the shower, had gotten up, thinking You Ruxu hadn’t eaten much for dinner and wanting to ask if she wanted anything else. Walking to the door, she saw that You Ruxu’s door wasn’t completely closed. She approached and heard You Ruxu call out, “Zhou Tianzui.”
Her footsteps froze. Wu Xiulian looked down, thought for a few seconds, then looked at the figure lying on the bed, her back to the door. You Ruxu’s figure was slender, clutching the teddy bear tightly in her arms. Wu Xiulian’s hand slowly clenched into a fist, raising her hand, hearing You Ruxu say, “I’m sleepy, Zhou Tianzui.”
Her hand, about to push open the door, paused, slowly lowering. After a few minutes, she reached for the doorknob and closed the door for You Ruxu.
You Ruxu: Zhou Tianzui, I’m sleepy.
Zhou Tianzui: Want to sleep with me?
You Ruxu: …
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