No. 62 Silence in the Dark
At eight in the evening, Xiaodie and I arrived at my apartment.
She hadn’t brought much with her. Her small suitcase contained only a few clothes and essentials. She hadn’t even bothered with a blanket or pillow, claiming that we would be sharing a bed anyway and that the weather was too warm for blankets.
To my surprise, my father was home, sitting alone in the living room, nursing a glass of liquor. He usually spent his evenings at the hospital, tending to my mother. He merely nodded in acknowledgment as we entered, his face etched with fatigue.
I had spoken to him earlier about letting Xiaodie stay with us until the high school entrance exams, promising to maintain my top ranking in class as a condition. He had reluctantly agreed, knowing Xiaodie’s situation, but hadn’t said much else.
It was clear that he was exhausted. My mother’s condition had been unstable recently, demanding his constant attention.
Blood transfusions were a constant struggle for leukemia patients. Blood banks were never fully stocked, especially in a city like Upper Capital City. Hospitals had strict regulations regarding blood usage. If a patient exceeded their allotted amount, family members or friends had to donate blood. Each donation only covered a single transfusion.
Donated blood had to be tested and processed before use. It wasn’t like in those TV dramas, where blood was transfused directly from donor to recipient. The blood my mother received came from strangers, not from her own family.
And that was the crux of the problem. How many relatives were willing to donate blood repeatedly?
Once or twice was manageable, but what about every few weeks, or even every few days? Imagine being asked to donate blood every month, with no compensation, for an indefinite period. How long would your goodwill last?
That was my father’s dilemma.
In my previous life, as a boy, my father still held some sway within the family. But even then, securing blood transfusions for my mother had been a constant battle. Now, as a girl, his burden was even heavier.
My mother’s immune system was weak. Her white blood cell and platelet counts were dangerously low. Even a common cold could land her in the hospital for weeks, requiring blood transfusions and constant monitoring. What if she had internal bleeding in the middle of the night? Where would he find a willing donor at such short notice?
My father might not have been a good man when it came to love and fidelity, but he was a devoted husband.
“Good evening, Uncle!”
Xiaodie, as promised, greeted him politely, bowing slightly. “Thank you for letting me stay here.”
“It’s no trouble at all. I’m hardly ever home these days. It’s good for you and Yi Yao to have company.”
“Thank you, Uncle! We’ll be in our room now.”
“Go ahead.”
As Xiaodie disappeared into my room with her suitcase, my father beckoned me over.
His face, etched with worry and fatigue, was a mirror reflecting the weight of his burdens.
“What is it?”
I sat beside him, my gaze falling on the empty liquor bottles scattered across the table. I frowned. “Dad, I told you not to drink so much…”
“You know about your mother’s condition, right?” he said, ignoring my concern. He picked up an empty glass. “The doctors have told us that with conservative treatment, her chances of recovery are slim to none. And after all the blood transfusions, after all this time… A bone marrow transplant is our only option. But the success rate is only 20%.”
He was reciting the same script as in my memories.
“It’s just the three of us now. I wanted to hear your thoughts. If we go ahead with the transplant, we’ll have to sell the apartment to afford it. But if it works, it’ll give us some breathing room.”
His voice was heavy with exhaustion.
“But your mother is against it.”
“Yi Yao, what do you think?”
“I…”
I didn’t know what to say.
Despite hearing those words before, they pierced my heart like a thousand needles.
It was a cruel choice. I knew that if we didn’t do anything, my mother would die within a year. But the surgery was a gamble, a 20% chance at extending her life by a few years.
How could I possibly choose?
“I don’t know…” I mumbled, echoing my response from the other world. “I respect your decision, Dad.”
“Really? So… if I decide to go ahead with the surgery, you’ll support me?”
“What?”
His words stunned me.
Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. What had changed? Why was he suddenly considering the surgery?
The conversation had flowed exactly as I remembered. I had given the same answer. He should have sighed, said something like, “I see… well, I won’t keep you from your studies. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Good luck with your exams next week,” and then left me alone.
“Are we… are we going to sell the apartment?” I blurted out, my mind racing.
“We’ll see. If we have to, we’ll ask your uncle for a loan.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why the sudden change of heart about the surgery?”
“What other choice do we have? Are you a doctor?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m saying… 20%… why take such a risk?”
“Didn’t you just say you respected my decision?”
I was speechless.
“That’s settled then. I’ll figure out the money.”
He waved me away dismissively and reached for another bottle.
I retreated to my room, tears welling up in my eyes. I grabbed a bank card and returned to the living room, placing it on the table in front of him.
“The PIN is 117758. There’s 200,000 yuan in there.”
“What…?” He stared at me, dumbfounded. “Where did you get this?”
“I won some money in the lottery. And I’ve been earning some on the side.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! That’s 200,000 yuan! What sixteen-year-old girl can make that kind of money?”
“I’ve told you all I’m going to tell you. The money is yours. Every cent is clean. How you use it is up to you.”
I returned to my room, my heart heavy, and closed the door.
Xiaodie, dressed in a floral sundress, looked at me with concern. “Has the future changed again?”
“Yes.” I sat on my bed, my head pounding. “I don’t understand. Why would he choose the surgery? Is the difference between a son and a daughter really that significant?”
“Do you have any theories?”
“None. I don’t even know what to do…”
“Relax, Yi Yao. Maybe this is a good thing for your mom. 20% is better than nothing.”
She sat beside me, her presence a source of comfort. She leaned in and kissed me gently on the cheek.
It was a simple gesture of affection, a reminder that I wasn’t alone.
I stroked her hair. “It’s all so sudden. It’s like unraveling a tangled ball of yarn without knowing where to start.”
“You’re trying to understand the cause and effect, right?”
“Yes. I thought I knew my family, but new things keep happening, and I’m starting to lose my grip on reality.”
“So, in your original timeline, your father chose conservative treatment. But in this world, he’s opting for surgery. Is that right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, let’s analyze the differences between the two timelines. First, you’re a girl now, not a boy. Anything else?”
“I don’t think so.”
“The key point is that the surgery is risky for your mother. It’s a gamble, right?”
“Yes, definitely.”
“So what could have motivated your father to make this decision? Think about what’s most important to him. What does he value above all else?”
“Honor? Reputation? No… In our family… it’s sons. I know that. But I don’t see the connection. Even if I’m not a boy, I’m still his daughter. Why would he risk my mother’s life?”
“I see…” Xiaodie’s eyes widened in realization. “One more question, Yi Yao. You said that after your mother died, your father quickly remarried. And that his new wife was someone he already knew, someone he was having an affair with. Is that right?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything. Yi Yao, who is the father of your stepmother’s son?”
I froze.
“You don’t know, do you? Your family is more complicated than you realize. What if… what if that boy is actually your father’s son? In a family that values sons above daughters, that would explain his actions. He might have hesitated if you were still a boy, but now… neither you nor your mother are as important as that son. Not if your father truly believes in the superiority of males.”
“Yi Yao, you might know the future of this city, of this world, but when it comes to your family, you’re still in the dark. If I’m not mistaken, your uncle might be the one pulling the strings.”
“Family?” I whispered, my mind reeling from the implications.
“Yes, family.”
Xiaodie sprawled on my bed, her skirt riding up, oblivious to her exposed legs. “I used to think that the world of anime was my true home. A place where I could escape the complexities of reality, the betrayals, the manipulations. Every anime world was a shining beacon of hope and dreams.”
“And now?”
“Now?”
She raised her hands, forming a heart shape in the air. “Now we’re both lost.”
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