91 What I Want to Give
Riri-chan was still hugging me, not letting go.
If this were the past me, I would have been surprised by the contact, but I wouldn’t have felt anything more.
But now, the cultural festival lingered in my mind, and my thoughts naturally drifted towards it.
“Suzuna.”
Riri-chan gazed into my eyes.
The atmosphere shifted.
I closed my eyes in response.
After a brief pause, our lips met.
We were alone, in a space where no one else existed.
Unhindered, my senses heightened.
Our lips met again and again, our tongues entwining.
“Nn…”
I’m not used to this, and I don’t really understand, but I responded to her movements.
It felt like we were melting together, becoming one.
The slippery, intertwining sensation was arousing, but not unpleasant.
Sensing each other’s unspoken cues, our lips parted.
“I don’t think I can hold back.”
“…Um…”
What am I supposed to say at a time like this?
Riri-chan didn’t give me even a moment to think.
She pressed her lips against mine again, more fiercely than before.
“Nn…”
Her hand caressed my chest over my T-shirt.
Her touch was gentle, but it was my first time, and I was flustered.
I didn’t know whether to focus on her lips or her hand on my chest.
“We’re… in that kind of relationship, right?”
Riri-chan’s heated gaze locked onto mine.
“…Are we going to… do it?”
“Do you not want to?”
“…”
“It’s my birthday, so you can listen to what I say, right?”
Being looked at like that, being told that… I couldn’t refuse.
“…Do what you want.”
I repeated the words I said to her once before, somewhere.
I looked away, embarrassed.
“You want to too, don’t you, Suzuna?”
But Riri-chan wouldn’t be satisfied with just that today.
She was seeking a clear answer.
But I can’t be as straightforward as her.
“…It’s not like I… don’t want to, but…”
“Then do you want to?”
She’s asking strange things again.
How much more does she want to pry out of me?
“…”
“I don’t know if you don’t say anything. I don’t want to do anything you don’t like, and I don’t want to force you.”
She’s not letting me escape.
Just like when we first met, Riri-chan is chasing after the fleeing me.
“…I don’t really know if I want to…”
Honestly, I think I’m more scared than anything.
I don’t know what will happen to me if we continue from where we left off last time.
Everything is so uncertain.
But there’s also something I’m sure of.
“But if you want me to, Riri-chan, I’ll… respond.”
If Riri-chan needs me, I want to fulfill her needs, even if it’s just a little.
Our relationship has been unequal, with me only receiving, so I want to give something back if I can.
If it’s for her, even something scary shouldn’t matter.
“…Suzuna.”
Riri-chan called my name again and kissed me.
Her hand slipped under the hem of my T-shirt.
It was ticklish at first, but it quickly turned into nervousness.
Because her hand was moving towards my chest.
“You’re warm.”
She said something so… casual while we were doing something so embarrassing.
Honestly, I couldn’t focus on that.
Her hand cupped my breast, making my breath hitch.
“Suzuna, relax a little.”
“Eh…”
I was pushed down onto the bed.
Riri-chan straddled me, and she seemed larger than usual.
Her gaze swept over my body.
“You’re staring too much.”
“It’s fine.”
“There’s nothing to look at.”
“Right now, you’re the only thing I want to look at, Suzuna.”
…I really don’t know how to respond to that.
“But looking isn’t enough.”
She lifted my T-shirt, exposing my bra.
This is beyond embarrassing.
“It’s in the way, so I’ll take it off.”
She unclasped my bra, and I lost the thin layer of fabric covering my chest.
Most of my upper body was bare, and I couldn’t take it.
“No!”
I twisted my body and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Suzuna, what are you doing?”
“This is a natural reaction! You should understand!”
“But we can’t start if you don’t move your hands.”
“I-I need to… mentally prepare myself!”
My heart will explode if she keeps undressing me so casually.
“Then I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
“Ah, eh…?”
Just when I thought she had accepted it surprisingly easily, Riri-chan disappeared from my view.
She had moved down to my feet and was undoing the button of my jeans.
“R-Riri-chan…”
If I move my arms, my chest will be exposed, but if I keep covering my chest, she’ll take off my jeans.
What should I do?!
“You’re not going to say no, are you?”
“…Ugh.”
But Riri-chan’s voice was serious, and my words, saying I would respond to her, weren’t a lie.
But the nervousness and embarrassment of my first time were overwhelming my resolve.
Riri-chan took my silence as consent and continued to undress me.
My T-shirt was almost completely rolled up, and I was only in my underwear.
There’s no way I can remain composed being looked at like this.
“D-Don’t look…”
“Why?”
She’s being mean.
She’s asking such a simple, abstract question just to make me say something embarrassing.
“I’m practically naked.”
“You’re beautiful.”
That’s not fair.
Undressing me, looking at me, and calling me beautiful…
She’s enjoying this.
“Come on, move your hands.”
She pushed my arms away, and her tongue traced a path across my chest.
My senses heightened even further.
The longer it continued, the harder it became to breathe.
“You don’t have to hold back your voice.”
“…I-It’s… normal…”
I can’t be any more embarrassed than this.
If she hears my voice after seeing me like this, I’ll probably die of mortification.
I gripped the bedsheet tightly, trying to endure it.
“That’s fine.”
Saying that, Riri-chan’s hand slid down my stomach.
Her fingertips moved past my lower abdomen, touching me… there.
“…You’re wet.”
Riri-chan’s fingers moved up and down, teasing my sensitive spot.
My head spun, and my back arched.
I felt like I was drowning in a wave of sensation.
“Are you feeling it?”
“…Y-You can… s-see… can’t you…?”
I was gasping for breath, losing the ability to speak properly.
“Does it feel good?”
“…I don’t know.”
“I don’t know if you don’t tell me.”
That’s a lie.
There’s no way she doesn’t know, seeing my reaction.
“…Don’t… make me talk…”
I’m afraid that if I speak, a different kind of voice might escape my lips.
A side of me I don’t even know might be unleashed.
“I want to touch you more, Suzuna.”
Riri-chan’s fingers slipped past my underwear, entering me.
This was completely different from before.
I was already a mess from her just touching me, but having her inside me was… overwhelming.
“Ah…”
I couldn’t endure it any longer and grabbed Riri-chan’s shoulders.
Tightly, with all my might.
I don’t think I can withstand this wave otherwise.
But Riri-chan continued, relentlessly teasing my Secret Place.
“You look so cute when you’re feeling it, Suzuna.”
A sweet whisper.
That was the limit.
I was holding onto Riri-chan tightly, but the overwhelming sensation made my body convulse.
My mind went blank, and I couldn’t see anything.
I lost myself in the surging pleasure.
How long did it last?
I don’t even know, my consciousness shattered and melted away.
“…Ah…”
My scattered senses returned, and the tension finally drained from my body.
My muscles relaxed completely.
I couldn’t think anymore.
“Suzuna.”
“…What?”
Riri-chan’s voice was the only thing that reached me through my hazy consciousness.
I don’t know how to speak, what expression to make at a time like this.
“You moaned at the end.”
“…”
I grabbed a nearby cushion and threw it at Riri-chan with all my might.
92 What Remains
“Suzuna.”
Riri-chan called my name.
“…”
“Hey, Suzuna.”
“…”
I ignored her.
Or rather, I don’t know how to face her.
I don’t know what to do after… that, so I wish someone would tell me the right answer.
But if the right answer is to casually chat with Riri-chan, I definitely can’t do that, so I’m demanding a different solution.
“Are you angry?”
I’m not angry.
She didn’t do anything to make me angry.
I’m just… paralyzed by embarrassment.
I quickly put my clothes on.
I can’t stand being the only one naked.
“…Well, then it’s fine. Um…”
As I was getting dressed, facing away from her, I heard Riri-chan move.
Is she giving up on me and doing something else…?
Somehow, that also bothered me, so I glanced at her.
“…?!”
Riri-chan was staring intently at her right hand.
Her fingers… were wet from touching me… from touching my… center…
Anyway, I don’t understand why she’s staring at them like that.
“Okay.”
She took a deep breath, as if making up her mind.
Then she brought her fingers to her mouth, as if to… lick them…?!
“Are you stupid?!”
“Whoa!”
I grabbed her arm just in time and stopped her.
“What are you doing?!”
“Eh…? Ah, well, ehehe…”
She looked embarrassed and flustered.
No, I don’t think that’s it.
I don’t really understand these kinds of situations, but I don’t think that’s a normal reaction.
“You were going to lick them, weren’t you?”
“…Ufufu.”
Riri-chan just giggled, not denying it.
That’s not sane.
“Why would you do that?!”
“…It seemed like a waste…”
A waste of what?
“Just wipe it off.”
I handed Riri-chan a tissue.
“Ehhh…”
“It’s not ‘ehhh.’”
I made her wipe her fingers.
“And go wash your hands.”
“Why?”
I can’t see it, and it might have dried, but it’s still… a fluid, so I feel like it’s… soaked in, or there’s some residue…
It’s a sensory thing.
“It… remains, you know?”
“Is it bad if it remains?”
“It’s dirty.”
“It’s not dirty.”
What’s wrong with her?
“Just do it!”
“Eh, Suzuna…”
I took Riri-chan’s hand and led her to the sink.
I turned on the faucet and made her use hand soap.
“Wash them properly.”
“…You don’t have to go this far. You’re not a germ, Suzuna.”
“It’s practically the same thing.”
It’s definitely not hygienic.
Riri-chan reluctantly washed her hands.
Finally, I started to calm down.
“But, you know, I’d be a little shocked if it were the other way around.”
“The other way around?”
“Yeah, you know… if it were… on you, Suzuna…”
At first, I didn’t understand what she was trying to say with her mumbling, but I quickly caught on.
“Don’t be ridiculous!”
Seriously, what is she talking about?
“I’d be worried about being treated like a germ.”
Riri-chan finished washing her hands and dried them with a towel.
I wouldn’t think it was dirty if it were the other way around.
I only overreacted because it was on Riri-chan.
Riri-chan, unaware of that, was worried, but I didn’t feel like explaining.
I think my head would explode if I continued this strange conversation.
“Come on, let’s go back.”
Instead of a verbal response, I took Riri-chan’s hand and led her back to the room.
“…Suzuna, how was it?”
But Riri-chan was going to continue this strange conversation.
“How was what?”
“Earlier. Was it… good?”
“…Why do you want to know that?”
“Because I’d be happy if it was. It was my first time too, so I’m not confident, and I’d hate it if I hurt you.”
I don’t really want to talk about what happened earlier in detail.
I want to erase it from my memory because it’s embarrassing.
She’s asking because she’s worried about my appearance and my reaction, but if we only consider what she did…
“…You saw me… at the end.”
“Yeah, I saw.”
She answered instantly.
That made my blood rush, and my face heated up.
“It’s the same. It didn’t hurt, and I didn’t hate it.”
“…I see. That’s good.”
Riri-chan’s voice was gentle and satisfied.
“It’s a good birthday.”
I’m happy to hear her say that, but it also feels strange.
It’s her birthday, but I’m the one who… received.
It feels like it should be the other way around.
So I do want to… do that for her someday.
But I don’t know when, how, or what to do.
I don’t think I can be as smooth as Riri-chan.
But not doing it is also not an option.
It’s strange for me to be the only one receiving.
Thinking about it made me nervous, embarrassed, and uneasy.
“Suzuna.”
“Eh, what?”
Riri-chan hugged me from behind.
“…You’re heavy.”
“Who are you calling fat?”
“I didn’t say that.”
She even nuzzled my cheek, clinging to me.
“Let’s celebrate together every year from now on.”
She asked, as if seeking confirmation.
“…Of course.”
“You’re not allowed to leave me.”
How am I supposed to leave her now?
Riri-chan might be able to handle it, but I definitely can’t.
I think I’d be heartbroken and my mental state would crumble.
Just imagining it makes my chest ache.
“I won’t leave you.”
“Ehehe…”
Riri-chan kissed my cheek lightly.
I feel like today’s kisses alone have surpassed the total number of kisses we’ve shared until now.