Chapter 27
Li Xinjun accompanied Hongli on his outing, Xiaofuzi trailing discreetly behind them. Hongli suggested a boat ride on a renowned lake within the city, known for its serene beauty, its vast expanse of water surrounded by lush bamboo groves.
Due to the imperial decree restricting movement, there were no boats available for hire at the nearby docks. Hongli inquired at a nearby inn and finally located the boatman’s house. They rented a boat and set off to enjoy the scenery.
Li Xinjun, mesmerized by the rippling water, sat at the bow, her hand trailing in the cool water. Hongli sat down beside her, observing her relaxed expression. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. Li Xinjun froze, staring at him in shock. Hongli leaned closer, his lips nearing hers. Suddenly realizing his intentions, Li Xinjun jumped up and pushed him away, sending him tumbling onto the deck.
“What are you doing?!” she exclaimed, her voice laced with anger.
“I apologize, Miss Xinjun. I was captivated by your beauty and couldn’t help myself.” Hongli apologized profusely.
“Don’t ever do that again!” Li Xinjun was still upset.
“It won’t happen again, I promise.” Hongli raised three fingers in a solemn vow.
“Forget it. I want to go back. Tell the boatman to turn around.”
Hongli reached for her hand, but she pulled away, crossing her arms and glaring at him.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“Miss Xinjun, I know I was out of line. Please forgive me.”
“I said it’s fine.”
“I hope we can still be friends. Is that alright?”
“I just want to go back now. Can we do that?”
“Yes, yes, of course. I’ll take you back immediately.”
Hongli instructed the boatman to return to shore. They walked back to the Grand General’s Mansion in silence. Li Xinjun was troubled by the incident. For some reason, it brought back memories of Song Ling, and her heart ached. She didn’t understand why she felt this way.
She recalled the night Song Ling had kissed her. She hadn’t felt repulsed then. In fact, she had enjoyed it. But why was she so angry with Hongli today? It was just a kiss. Why did it feel so different? And when Hongli’s lips had almost touched hers, she had felt a strange possessiveness, a feeling that her lips belonged only to Song Ling.
She was confused. During this time apart from Song Ling, she had worried constantly about her safety and missed the feeling of being held in her arms at night. She remembered responding to Song Ling’s kiss, the pleasant sensations it evoked.
She suddenly turned to Hongli, who was startled by her abrupt movement. He looked at her, unsure what to say. Li Xinjun’s face was cold. Hongli, knowing he had been inappropriate, remained silent. They stood there, locked in an uncomfortable silence.
“I have a question for you.”
“Ask away.”
“Why did you kiss me?”
“Because I like you. I want to be with you.”
“…”
“You don’t believe me?”
“It’s not that. I’m just thinking about something. I want to go back and rest now. You can leave.”
“… Can I see you again?”
“If you promise to keep your hands to yourself, I don’t mind seeing you again.”
“I promise. It won’t happen again unless you want it to.”
“Okay. I’m going inside now.”
Li Xinjun entered the mansion, her mind filled with confusing thoughts. She couldn’t understand her own feelings. She frowned, lost in thought. She didn’t even hear Brother Wu’s greeting as she walked past him, heading straight to her room and bolting the door behind her.
She sat down at the table, her head in her hands, staring blankly at the wooden surface. She was trying to understand why she had kissed Song Ling back then. Was it just sisterly affection, or was it something more? She had never considered this before. It had felt natural at the time.
Her parents had often kissed each other and her, so she had always considered it a normal expression of affection between family members. But as she grew older, she realized that it wasn’t quite the same.
People didn’t usually kiss anyone other than their spouses and children. Even close female friends didn’t kiss each other on the lips. It was something only lovers did. Even parents only kissed their children on the cheeks. So why had Song Ling kissed her on the lips? And why had she kissed her back? And it wasn’t just a quick peck either.
Now, Hongli had tried to kiss her too. He said it was because he liked her and wanted to be with her. Li Xinjun understood what that meant. She had observed enough couples to know that it signified romantic interest. She was no longer clueless about love.
She remembered Song Ling’s promise to never leave her and their intimate moments together. A feeling of warmth and excitement fluttered in her chest. Could it be that her feelings for Song Ling weren’t just familial affection but also love?
She unconsciously fiddled with the crescent-shaped pendant around her neck. She remembered the moment they exchanged tokens. She had told Song Ling that she wanted to be with her forever, and Song Ling had been deeply moved, her eyes welling up with tears. Could it be that Song Ling had feelings for her all along, and she had simply been oblivious? And what were her own feelings for Song Ling? Was it familial love or romantic love?
The more she thought about it, the more confused she became. She gave up and rested her head on the table, pushing all thoughts aside. She just wanted to find Song Ling, to see her every day, to hold her in her arms at night, to never be apart from her again.
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