Chapter 33
It was a pleasant afternoon.
Cicadas chirped, clinging to the camphor leaves, their movements creating fleeting shadows.
Jiang Siyi quietly packed her luggage. Half an hour before leaving, she sat in her room, silently observing every corner.
After the college entrance exam, the textbooks and worksheets on her desk had long been discarded, replaced by cosmetics, but now it looked even cleaner.
Sunlight streamed in, not a speck of dust visible.
“Xiao Si, we should go to the airport.” Shen Yun, who usually paid great attention to her appearance, even wearing makeup for a walk, looked unusually haggard today, her face bare, dark circles prominent under her eyes.
She opened the door softly, as if afraid of disturbing something.
Jiang Siyi gripped the handle of her suitcase, then loosened her grip. “Okay.”
***
When she left, she didn’t see any of the people she had grown familiar with.
The housekeeper, Auntie Wang, and another person she didn’t want to mention.
Shen Yun had done an excellent job of keeping her departure a secret, and with her own convincing acting, no one suspected she was leaving today.
Jiang Siyi sat in the back seat of the car, feeling like it was all a dream. She was still a struggling senior student, going to school every day, chatting with Auntie Wang, and dozing off in the back seat when she was tired.
But looking up, she realized the car wasn’t heading towards the school.
Shen Yun had bought her breakfast, a bag of butter croissants. She held it in her lap, the crinkling of the packaging echoing in the quiet car.
Shen Yun, holding the steering wheel, asked, “Xiao Si, aren’t you hungry?”
The girl finally snapped back to reality.
She opened the bag and took a bite of a croissant.
The car windows were rolled up, the air conditioning on. Even the only source of fresh air was gone, and Jiang Siyi felt her mouth dry, but she continued chewing stubbornly.
She numbly ate most of the bag.
The airport was noisy.
Shen Yun dropped Jiang Siyi off at the security checkpoint, saying the landlord was an old friend of hers, a very kind person, and that Jiang Siyi should ask for anything she needed.
Jiang Siyi nodded faintly, then heard Shen Yun say, “I’ll be going back to London in a while.”
“I can take care of you there.”
“No, thank you,” the girl forced a smile. “I’m an adult, I can take care of myself.”
“I have to go now. Goodbye, Auntie.”
Before boarding, Jiang Siyi sat quietly in a corner. New messages kept popping up on WeChat, Shen Shiwu asking her what she wanted for dinner.
“Not busy today, I’ll be home around four. What does Xiao Si want to eat? How was the seafood soup I made last time?”
The girl lowered her eyes, her eyelashes casting shadows on her face.
She could feel her heart breaking, piece by piece.
The boarding line grew longer. Jiang Siyi held her phone, about to send a voice message, then hesitated, repeating this several times, unable to say the words.
Finally, she typed—
Shen Shiwu, let’s break up.
The moment the message was sent, she turned off her phone.
Her bittersweet first love ended on this summer day.
***
Jiang Siyi never thought she would become familiar with London.
It often rained here, the wind strong, and sometimes, waking up to a gloomy sky, her mood would dampen.
But later, she became busy, her days filled with classes and writing, and she no longer had time to pay attention to the weather.
Speaking of writing, at first, she only wrote short stories, a few tens of thousands of words, published in Yunyu Publishing’s magazine. Then one day, perhaps unable to bear the insomnia, she sat down at her computer and typed the first word of her novel.
And so she wrote and wrote, and when she finally looked up, autumn had arrived in London.
One day, Jiang Siyi was on her way to class, carrying a stack of thick English textbooks, running along a path covered in fallen maple leaves. Lost in thought, thinking about her novel’s outline, she tripped and fell flat on her face.
The fall was loud. Jiang Siyi hissed, feeling embarrassed, and was about to get up when someone touched her arm—a girl helped her up.
Jiang Siyi was about to thank her when she met her eyes and was momentarily stunned.
Those eyes… they look so familiar.
“You’re Chinese, right? Me too.” The girl’s face softened as she smiled. “I’m a psychology major, what about you?”
“Humanities and Arts.”
The girl gasped, a look of admiration in her eyes, and extended her hand. “My name is Yu Wen.”
Jiang Siyi hesitated for a few seconds before shaking her hand. “I’m Jiang Siyi.”
Just like that, she made her first friend at school.
In the following days, the two often ate together, went shopping, and even saved seats for each other at the library.
As they got to know each other, Jiang Siyi noticed that Yu Wen was similar to Shen Shiwu in some ways. Besides their similar eyes, they both preferred light flavors and avoided greasy food.
At first, she would be reminded of Shen Shiwu, but later, her heart became like stagnant water, no longer stirred—Just a resemblance, not the same person after all.
She had thought their friendship would last, but unfortunately, it didn’t. Not long after, Yu Wen, drunk, confessed her feelings for her.
Jiang Siyi was writing at her desk when she received the call. She stopped typing, listening to the other girl’s words, and blinked slightly.
The manuscript on her computer was at the part where the protagonist was experiencing unrequited love.
This reminded her of her own first love, of that moment of awakening.
It was different from all the fleeting crushes she had had.
It was a beautiful, yet bittersweet, cautious, yet irresistible, longing. A love that reached out, yet hesitated to embrace.
It was an unforgettable feeling, etched deep in her memory.
“I’m sorry,” she said, thinking of a certain someone, her heart aching, “I have someone I like.”
The call ended.
Jiang Siyi stared at the computer screen, silent for a long time, then silently broke down—yes, she had never forgotten Shen Shiwu.
The instinct to love couldn’t be suppressed. Just now, she had not only thought of Shen Shiwu, but she had also spoken those words.
She still loved her.
Her hands, resting on the keyboard, trembled uncontrollably.
A wave of pain washed over her.
Her ears rang, and she felt cold sweat on her skin, her limbs numb and unresponsive.
After calming down slightly, she immediately went to the hospital.
After receiving the diagnosis, her slender figure leaned against the window in the hallway, staring at the words “anxiety disorder,” surprisingly calm—she had known something was wrong for a while.
After getting her medication, Jiang Siyi didn’t go home but went to a nearby park.
Late autumn, almost winter. She found a secluded spot and sat down on a wooden bench covered in fallen maple leaves. She picked up a leaf, holding it up to the light, staring at it for a long time—
What was the weather like back home?
Was it still raining in Qinan?
After a while, the leaf fluttered to the ground.
Jiang Siyi looked up.
She stared at the bare branches above, waiting for another autumn without the person she loved.
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