Chapter 15
After that incident, Jiang Siyi’s eagerness to become an adult seemed to lessen.
She clumsily and carefully hid her feelings for Shen Shiwu in her heart.
A hopeless endeavor.
It was best to cut her losses.
After Christmas, the students in her class discussed where to celebrate New Year’s Eve, as it was one of the few times senior students had some free time.
“Those juniors invited us to Hua Yi Square for New Year’s Eve.”
“So, are you going?”
It was supposed to be English class, but since all the teachers were in a meeting, the office was empty, so they had self-study instead.
Xu Yuan, having switched seats with the student behind Jiang Siyi, asked again, “Are you going or not?”
In previous years, she would have agreed without hesitation, but now…
Jiang Siyi was conflicted. After thinking for a moment, she said, “I’ll think about it.”
After school, she sat alone in the back seat of the car. Auntie Wang was as enthusiastic as ever, asking why she had become so quiet recently, wondering if it was because of the pressure of studying.
Jiang Siyi stared at the pedestrians outside the window and, after a while, softly replied, “Maybe.”
As the year drew to a close, many shops along the street had closed, and the few that remained were brightly decorated, glowing red in the evening light.
Riding with the window down was a habit of hers, but she was afraid Auntie Wang would get cold, so she only opened it a crack.
A few pitiful strands of wind squeezed in, and Jiang Siyi took a deep breath, feeling the tightness in her chest hadn’t eased.
Auntie Wang continued chattering, her words full of concern.
The girl nodded repeatedly in response but didn’t speak.
Shen Shiwu had been coming home late these days, and reminding her to rest early on WeChat had become a routine. So, when Jiang Siyi opened the door today, she didn’t have any expectations—
In fact, she shouldn’t have had any expectations to begin with.
However, unexpected things always happen in life.
Like now.
The moment she opened the door, Shen Shiwu was changing her shoes in the entryway, having just arrived home.
Seeing her, she smiled. “Xiao Si, you’re back.”
Her tone was still gentle, and she used her nickname, but Jiang Siyi found it jarring.
She replied softly, “Mm.”
“Are the results of today’s quiz out yet?”
Grades again.
Jiang Siyi was about to go upstairs after changing her shoes, but she stopped on the third step, squatted down, and opened her backpack.
Shen Shiwu approached.
Watching the girl silently hand her the test paper, Shen Shiwu was momentarily stunned before taking it.
“You improved again.”
“Only by two points.”
“That’s still great.”
Jiang Siyi fidgeted with the strap of her backpack, watching as Shen Shiwu carefully examined her test paper, and finally nodded after a long while. “It’s okay, I could have done better.”
A sudden sound broke the silence.
Shen Shiwu’s phone rang.
“Sorry, Xiao Si, I need to take this call. Go to your room first.”
Then she answered the phone. “What’s up?”
They were standing close together, and Jiang Siyi overheard a faint voice.
A female voice.
It was the first time she had heard Shen Shiwu speak to someone other than herself in such a gentle tone.
Jiang Siyi suddenly felt her feet heavy.
She didn’t even take her test paper back, turning and walking upstairs, but glancing back at the woman still standing there.
There was a smile on Shen Shiwu’s lips.
Her voice was soft, as if speaking to a treasured object.
Jiang Siyi mocked herself inwardly again.
See, Shen Shiwu’s gentleness isn’t a rare commodity. She’s just giving a small portion of it to me.
Not long after she returned to her room, she heard approaching footsteps.
Jiang Siyi had gotten into bed early today. Hearing the footsteps, she turned her back to the door.
“Xiao Si, do you want some fruit?”
“I don’t have much of an appetite. You eat it.”
After a few seconds, the other woman asked, “Can I come in?”
Jiang Siyi sniffed but didn’t answer. The person outside seemed to be waiting quietly, as she didn’t hear any footsteps leaving.
“Come in.”
Shen Shiwu entered the room and placed a plate of strawberries on the nightstand. Then she said tentatively, “I might have to go abroad for a couple of days before New Year’s Eve.”
Jiang Siyi clutched the blanket tighter.
“So…”
“Go ahead. I was just about to tell you, I’m celebrating New Year’s Eve with my friends.” Jiang Siyi finally turned around and looked at her, forcing a smile. “That cute girl who gave me the love letter will be there too.”
Shen Shiwu didn’t say anything, remaining silent for a few seconds. Then she let out a soft “Ah” and said calmly, “That’s a coincidence.”
“Mm, you can go. I’m tired and want to rest early.”
Shen Shiwu turned off the light, leaving only the faint light from the hallway. As the door closed, the only source of light disappeared.
A few minutes later, Jiang Siyi got up and turned the light back on.
She looked at the plate of strawberries and finally picked one up and took a bite.
It was sweet, but the bitterness in her heart overwhelmed the taste.
She didn’t take a second bite.
They taste awful, she thought.
***
“See you tonight at Hua Yi Square! Whoever doesn’t come is a dog!”
On Friday afternoon, the classroom was much livelier than usual. Everyone was packing their bags, discussing where to meet that evening.
And Xu Yuan was, of course, the most excited.
She looked at Jiang Siyi’s expression and clicked her tongue. “Are you hiding something from me?”
“You haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
Jiang Siyi feigned surprise. “Really?”
Then she explained, “No, I’m just tired from staying up late.”
“Okay.” Xu Yuan wasn’t one to pry. Seeing her say this, she went back to her excited chatter. “I celebrated New Year’s Eve at my hometown last year, only accompanied by the cows and chickens in the fields. Finally, I can have some fun this year!”
“Why did you go back to your hometown last year?” Jiang Siyi asked casually.
“My aunt missed my mom, so the whole family went back the day before. I didn’t even get any sleep.”
“Oh, I see.”
So, what about Shen Shiwu?
She rushed abroad in such a hurry, it must be because someone there misses her, or maybe it’s the other way around.
Shen Shiwu, Shen Shiwu.
Did you think of me, even for a second, while you were abroad?
“I’m done packing. Let’s go.” Jiang Siyi snapped back to reality, slung her backpack over one shoulder, and walked out.
Xu Yuan stared at her back, saying in a daze, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you carry your backpack like that.”
“What?”
“Your backpack. These past few months, you’ve been carrying it properly, with both straps.”
Xu Yuan caught up to her, dramatically exclaiming, “Just now, I saw a glimpse of your former rebellious self. Oh, time…”
Even on Fridays, No. 1 High School didn’t end early. The winter evenings always turned dark quickly, and now, the darkness seemed to press down, making it hard to breathe.
Xu Yuan was still chattering away beside her, but Jiang Siyi’s mind was elsewhere—
Why did she change herself for Shen Shiwu?
In Shen Shiwu’s eyes, she was just a dirty doll that could be discarded at any time, insignificant, lighter than the wind.
Why…
…was she so insistent on becoming a good student?
After a while, Jiang Siyi lowered her head and sent messages to the housekeeper and Auntie Wang, saying she wouldn’t be going home tonight.
Then she called Wu Ying. “Xiao Ying, no tutoring this weekend. Yes, something came up… Mm, Happy New Year.”
“Eh, didn’t your sister confiscate your phone?” Xu Yuan asked.
Jiang Siyi’s expression remained unchanged as she casually tossed her phone into her pocket. “She’s abroad. She gave it back to me before she left.”
“Said it was for easier communication.”
Speaking of which, Jiang Siyi remembered that Shen Shiwu had indeed sent her many messages, and her heart felt heavy.
But even after leaving the school, she still didn’t reply to any of them.
***
At eleven o’clock at night, Hua Yi Square was packed.
Amidst the laughter and chatter, the two girls, finding it too cold outside, sat inside McDonald’s, enjoying the warm air and having a late dinner that could be considered a midnight snack.
Xu Yuan rubbed her stomach and said, “I can’t eat anymore.”
Jiang Siyi sipped her cola and nodded in agreement.
“Oh, perfect timing, those juniors are here!”
In an instant, the corner table was surrounded. Yang Yi, dressed up today, spoke first, which was rare. “Senior, aren’t you going outside to watch the fireworks?”
Xu Yuan glanced at the time and realized it was less than half an hour until midnight. She excitedly pulled Jiang Siyi outside. “Let’s go have some fun!”
The night was dark. A loud “Bang,” mixed with laughter, echoed through the air. Looking up, a brilliant flower bloomed in the sky.
Jiang Siyi stared for a long time, so long that she almost dropped her cola.
What time was it abroad?
It definitely wasn’t this lively.
Shen Shiwu… what was she doing now? Who was she with?
The chaotic thoughts made her head ache, her temples throbbing. Amidst the joyful atmosphere, Jiang Siyi felt like crying.
The night was dark, but the fireworks illuminated it in bursts.
The girl blinked several times, trying to hold back her tears. She was too focused, or perhaps the surroundings were too noisy, that she didn’t recognize the familiar sound of approaching footsteps.
Her hand suddenly felt lighter.
Someone had taken her iced cola.
Jiang Siyi’s attempt to hold back her tears failed. Her gaze, previously fixed on the sky, followed the movement and lowered.
She stared blankly at her empty hand as a tear fell into her palm.
“One minute left! It’s almost the new year!” Someone shouted, and the others joined in—
“Look at the big screen!”
A large screen hung in the center of the square, usually displaying advertisements, but now it showed a large, prominent countdown timer.
Tears streamed down Jiang Siyi’s face.
Looking up, she saw Shen Shiwu in a black coat, her long hair slightly disheveled, as if she had rushed here.
She was holding the iced cola in her right hand.
And in her left… a cream-colored cashmere scarf.
With just a blink, Jiang Siyi felt warmth around her neck. The scent of Shen Shiwu, the one she had been longing for all these days, enveloped her.
Like blackcurrant mixed with a hint of cedar.
With only three seconds left in the countdown, countless voices shouted in unison—
“Three, two!”
Jiang Siyi blocked out all the noise, all her senses focused on Shen Shiwu. The tears in her eyes, sensing her emotional turmoil, obediently fell.
Shen Shiwu looked down at the girl in a white padded jacket. In such cold weather, she was only wearing a thin, low-necked sweater underneath.
She wrapped the scarf around her neck once more, then leaned closer, her voice as soft as spring willow catkins, yet with a hint of helplessness.
“You didn’t take good care of yourself.”
Jiang Siyi didn’t reply, because she couldn’t speak.
Shen Shiwu reached out and wiped away the tears from the corner of her eye. Amidst the countless shouts of “One,” she cupped the girl’s face and whispered,
“Xiao Si, Happy New Year.”
At the same moment, the most brilliant fireworks of the night exploded in the sky, a tapestry of colors, countless blossoming flowers, turning the night into day.
The spectacle continued for several minutes, wave after wave, seemingly endless.
Amidst the gasps of awe, Shen Shiwu only looked at the sparkle in Jiang Siyi’s eyes.
She stared for a long time, then slowly said, “This is my apology.”
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