Chapter 35: Drunken Words and True Words
After confirming that Lu Li was asleep, Zou Yameng’s actions became bolder. Her kisses grew more and more unrestrained, crossing the line between siblings. Lu Li had a feeling that this wasn’t the first time Sister Yameng had done this to him, she was far too experienced.
When Lu Li was about to suffocate, Zou Yameng finally ended the long and surprising kiss. Now he finally understood why his lips were sometimes swollen when he woke up. Was it all Sister Yameng’s doing?
“Little Li… There are some things I could never say to you… unless I was drunk…” Zou Yameng squatted beside the bed, gazing at him with eyes filled with affection. Was she really drunk? Lu Li was confused.
“Xiao Wen was right. If I don’t tell you these things, I’ll burst.” Her jade-like hand gently caressed his cheek, just like when he was a child. When Lu Li was younger, he needed his sister to stroke his face to fall asleep. Only then could the lonely Little Lu Li feel a sense of security.
“Little Li, I like you.” Another bombshell. Lu Li was frozen stiff. He wished he could knock himself unconscious with a brick. “Not the kind of like a sister has for her brother, but the kind of like a woman has for a man.”
Sister Yameng traced circles on his face with her index finger, her voice so soft that it didn’t sound like her. “I realized it back in middle school… I love being with you… You were the protagonist of my first wet dream… Little brother… no… you’re not my brother… You’re my Little Li…” Sister Yameng was rambling, her words sounding like drunken nonsense.
“I was so sad… Seeing you holding hands with other girls… It really broke my heart… Waking you up is supposed to be my job, why did other girls take it away from me… We’ve been depending on each other for over ten years, why should I give you to some random girl who came out of nowhere…” Her voice choked with emotion, as if she was crying. Lu Li didn’t even dare to open his eyes, keeping them tightly shut.
“Little Li, why am I your sister… I don’t want to be your sister…” She was truly crying now. “When I saw you at the Six Provinces Tournament, I was so happy… I actually wanted to devour you that day… But… but…”
But what?
Lu Li remembered the day he met Sister Yameng in Lingyue City. He woke up from a hangover and saw her coming out of the bathroom in his room. He thought she had just used the bathroom. Did Sister Yameng actually stay the whole night?
“I noticed that you would look at me with lustful eyes… I was actually happy… At least Little Li saw me as a girl… I don’t want to be your sister… I really don’t… I don’t want to see you happily holding hands with other girls… I don’t want to force myself to bless you and someone else…”
Zou Yameng leaned against the bed, sobbing softly.
“Little Li, you can’t fall in love prematurely… If you do, you can only fall in love with your sister… Don’t hold hands with other girls… You can only hold your sister’s hand… Don’t kiss other girls… You can only kiss your sister… Why don’t you listen… ” Zou Yameng was gasping for breath. “They said… when you grow up, you’ll have your own life… But I… I don’t want you to grow up…”
“…”
“I want to… to live a simple and happy life with you… just like this… Can’t even this small wish of mine be fulfilled…”
“When I wake up tomorrow… I’ll have to pretend to be your sister again… I’ll have to pretend to smile at you and other girls… I’ll have to be sad alone again… I wish I could be drunk every day… Then I wouldn’t have to think about these sad things… I wish… I could be drunk every day…”
Is… is that so?
Lu Li finally understood the root of his sister’s drinking problem, finally understood the culprit behind the tragedy in his past life. It was him all along, only him… Why didn’t he realize it sooner? He remembered that graduation night, filled with revelry and laughter. Graduates gathered in groups for celebratory dinners. Lu Li took An Baili to find Sister Yameng, who had just retired from the table tennis team.
He proudly introduced An Baili to Sister Yameng. “This is An Baili, my girlfriend, and my future wife. Isn’t she beautiful?”
He still remembered Sister Yameng’s gentle smile. She said that An Baili was beautiful, a perfect match for her brother. Then, she asked abruptly, “Want to go for a drink? What’s graduation without alcohol?”
Want to go for a drink?
What’s graduation without alcohol?
These ordinary words, now that he thought about them, were filled with indescribable bitterness. No wonder Sister Yameng drank herself unconscious that day, no wonder she cried while holding him. No wonder. No wonder. But life didn’t give you so many “no wonders” to lament. The next time Lu Li saw his sister, she was huddled in her small room, as disheveled as a homeless person. She asked Lu Li when he was going to have children, begging him to let his children call her “godmother.” Unfortunately, Zou Yameng in his past life never got to see Lu Li and An Baili’s child. She passed away on a cold night.
At this moment, a prophetic saying suddenly popped into Lu Li’s mind: “Frenzied willow catkins dance with the wind, frivolous peach blossoms chase the flowing water.” Who were the willow catkins? Who were the peach blossoms?
“Little Li… I really, really like you… I love you…” Sister Yameng whispered in his ear. “Can you… forgive your despicable sister… Forgive her for constantly getting close to you under the guise of family… for constantly tempting you… Just forgive her this once… okay…”
They said you shouldn’t take drunken words seriously. They also said that drunken words were sober thoughts. No one told him what the boundary between drunken words and true words was. The cold wind could change the nature of plants, and adversity could reveal a person’s true character. Then what could distinguish between drunk and sober? Between truth and lies? Between love and hate?
Sister Yameng eventually left, carrying Zhou Wen on her back. She didn’t forget to close the door behind her, leaving behind only a mess and a bewildered Lu Li. He lifted the blanket. An Baili was sleeping soundly, undisturbed. Only he was left shaken to his core by the emotional storm. There was a puddle of vomit on the floor, left by Zhou Wen. If it weren’t for that, everything that just happened would feel like a bizarre dream.
Even now, Lu Li couldn’t figure out if Sister Yameng was truly drunk. Were those words she said drunken ramblings or… the truth? Perhaps he had the answer in his heart, but his subconscious was resisting it. Humans were such complex creatures. They knew the truth was behind the door, but they lacked the courage to push it open. The reason why window paper was window paper was because it separated human kindness and sincerity, separated the vast sea from the mulberry fields.
Dreaming of a journey through the misty waters of Jiangnan, I travel all over Jiangnan, but never meet the one I long for. My soul melts away in sleep, with no words to express my love, waking up to realize my love was a mistake.
I want to write down all my feelings on paper, but like a floating goose and sinking fish, there’s no proof of my love. I lean against the zither, my heart breaking, and pluck the strings, expressing my sorrow.
Tonight, sleep would be elusive.
(End of this volume)
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