No. 54 A Lily in the First Light, Waiting to Bloom
“Do… do you even understand what you’re saying?”
Bathed in the warm sunlight, the girl in the thin sleepwear wouldn’t meet my gaze. Her small frame was almost swallowed whole by the loose fabric, the outline of her youthful curves barely discernible.
Just like last time, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.
“Xiaodie, I don’t like it when my friends lie to me, even if it’s meant to comfort me. And that includes you.”
Besides, I didn’t need any comforting.
It’s true that I had kissed her impulsively, but it was a desperate attempt to calm her down. And even if there were some fantasies, some vanity lurking in the back of my mind, they were just that—fantasies.
I would bear the weight of my sins alone.
“Do you really think I’m trying to comfort you?”
She finally looked up, her clear eyes reflecting a mixture of sadness and something akin to resignation.
I didn’t answer, choosing instead to draw the curtains, shutting out the sunlight. “I think you need to understand that life is not a game. If you choose this path, you’ll face constant scrutiny from the world. You’ll face challenges and hardships that ordinary people never have to deal with.”
It was a path with no end in sight. Xiaodie was only fifteen, an age where curiosity could lead to impulsive, even reckless decisions. As her friend, I couldn’t condone it.
“I… I’ve never had many friends. The ones I had were only interested in my family’s money and influence. When I lost those things, I lost them too.” She took a step closer. “You’re different, Yi Yao. I don’t care about the difference between boyfriends and girlfriends. Call me selfish, call me a fool clinging to the first sign of warmth… Yi Yao, if you didn’t hear me before, I’ll say it again. I like you. Please, let me be your girlfriend.”
Slivers of sunlight pierced through the gaps in the curtains, casting a soft, ethereal glow around her.
I turned to face her, meeting her gaze head-on.
Her eyes were bright, unwavering, devoid of any deception.
This was a side of Xiaodie I had never seen before.
She was usually either standoffish and aloof, playing the cool girl, or prone to childish tantrums and princess-like demands. This was the first time she had met my gaze with such unwavering determination.
I hesitated. “If this is about the kiss, I apologize.”
“Your emotional intelligence is abysmal!”
She lunged at me before I could react. I instinctively stepped back, but my foot caught on the edge of the bed, and I fell backward with a yelp. Xiaodie, anticipating my move, landed on top of me.
“What are you doing?”
She was wearing only a thin sleepdress, and our bodies were pressed together. I could feel the warmth of her skin through the fabric.
And then, her lips were on mine again.
This kiss was different. It was deliberate, almost desperate, her inexperience betraying her as she clumsily probed my mouth with her tongue. I tried to push her away, but my body wouldn’t respond. A strange tingling sensation spread through me, rendering me momentarily powerless.
“Mmm…”
The kiss deepened, lingering for a heartbeat longer than before. She pulled back, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. “Yi Yao, you asked me if it was unpleasant before. Well, it wasn’t. I didn’t hate it. In fact, it felt… right.”
Her words, tinged with a strange confidence, left me speechless. It took me a moment to gather my wits, my lips still tingling from the contact. “Are you saying…”
“Yes, I’m serious. I meant every word. I want to be your girlfriend. Not as a joke, not as a fling, but as real partners.” She leaned closer, resting her hands on my chest. “And speaking of being straightforward, why are you being so hesitant now? You’re usually so decisive.”
“I’m worried about your future.”
“My future? I think I’m capable of deciding that for myself.”
“We’re both girls…”
“That’s why I’m giving you the choice. I’m the one confessing, not you.” A playful grin spread across her face. “You know, Yi Yao, I always thought you were perfect. Your grades, your personality, your looks… you were infuriatingly flawless. But now, I’ve discovered something you lack.”
“Something I lack?”
“Yes, you lack faith.” She rolled off me and sat up, her gaze sweeping over the stacks of manga lining the walls. “When I moved here, I only brought these and the teddy bear my grandmother gave me. Everything else is gone.”
“My father’s arrest broke me. I don’t have a mother. When my grandmother passed away, I cried until I lost my voice. The next day, I locked myself in my room and read manga all day. It sounds strange, but it actually helped.”
“Out there, just now, I felt utterly hopeless. I even thought that maybe dying wouldn’t be so bad. I had nothing left to lose. And then, you…”
She blushed. “Since we’re both girls, I thought about those yuri anime I’ve seen, where they kiss all the time. And then, it just clicked.”
“No parents, a girlfriend, and a place to call home. That’s the classic setup for a lot of protagonists in anime. It might sound heartless, but that’s my reality now. I can’t change what happened to my father, and dwelling on it won’t do me any good. So why not embrace life and move on?”
“You have your own burdens to bear, Yi Yao.” Her eyes held a knowing look. “But I’ve liked you for a long time now, probably since that kidnapping. If you need time to process this, I understand. I can wait.”
Wait. Why did the conversation suddenly take such a strange turn?
Could it be that Huang Yingdie, from the very beginning…
“I…”
I was completely flustered by her confession.
“Well? What’s your answer?”
“I… before I answer, I need to tell you something.” I sat up, my head spinning, and looked at her. “I’m a boy.”
“Please, don’t use such a ridiculous excuse to reject me. And your voice is way too girly for that to be convincing.”
I met her gaze, my expression serious. “It’s true. I’m from fifteen years in the future, a parallel world just like this one. I know what’s going to happen to all of you.”
She stared at me as if I were an alien. “And I thought I was the delusional one.”
“This isn’t delusion. I’m Yi Yao from another world. I was dying, and the Yi Yao of this world saved me. But two months ago, I became a girl. I saw the future—yours, mine, this city’s. That’s why I always seem to know what’s going to happen. That’s the answer to your question.”
Perhaps it was the trust we had built, but I found myself revealing everything.
I knew it sounded unbelievable.
But after everything we had been through, I felt obligated to tell her the truth.
“That’s incredible…” Her eyes widened in fascination. “So you’re saying… you’re actually attracted to girls?”
“Well… you could say that.”
“Yes!”
She launched herself at me, burying her face in my chest. “I’ve been wanting to do this for ages! I was afraid you wouldn’t be okay with it. Mmm… so soft… so comfortable…”
Taking inspiration from who knows what anime, her hands began to roam, trailing down my waist.
“Hey, does this… bother you?”
The unfamiliar sensation sent a wave of heat through me, and I averted my gaze.
“Not at all,” she chirped, her eyes sparkling. “It’s perfect that you’re a boy. Besides, I like you for who you are now, not for who you were before.”
“But I still have those memories.”
“I don’t care. Now, answer my question.”
“…”
I sighed, turning away. “I’ve told you everything. What more do you want?”
“So that’s a yes?”
I nodded.
“Yes! We’re officially dating then! Tell me, Yi Yao, what does the future hold for me?”
She beamed, oblivious to the fact that her sleepdress had slipped, revealing a generous amount of cleavage.
“I don’t know.”
“What? But you said…”
“Yes, I know bits and pieces about most people’s futures in this city. But yours… I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I hesitated. “In the other world, you died during that kidnapping.”
“Why?”
“Because… I suppose… in that world, our paths never crossed.”
“You make me sound special.”
“You are special, Xiaodie. To me, you are.”
I stood up and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To pay a visit to those people who harassed you today.”
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