43: A Promise with Ciel
Ciel called me “perfect.”
As a young lady, I supposed that wasn’t bad.
As the head of the family—it was an unknown.
“I have never been disappointed. You tackled every challenge without giving up and always exceeded my expectations.”
“…You’re embarrassing me.”
The praise continued.
If that were true, it was because she was an excellent teacher.
Had I been a good student?
“…So, just one thing. This is… a selfish request of mine.”
She walked around the desk, knelt before me in my chair, and took my hands, enveloping them in hers.
Her light gray eyes, darker than my blue ones, like the pre-dawn sky, held a serious glint.
She tightened her grip on my hands.
“…Even if it means disappointing me, please… always keep the option of following your heart.”
“…Ciel?”
――My… heart?
I was bewildered by the unfamiliar words.
It was certainly something she had never taught me before.
“You are allowed to be selfish. You are allowed to pursue your desires. You are allowed to follow your heart. You are the head of the Vanderwaals family… but that is merely a title, a position. It is not—it cannot be—all that you are.”
“…All that… I am.”
All that I am.
Being the daughter of the Vanderwaals family, the heir, and, from today onward, the head.
Everything up to this point had been for this.
She had raised me for this.
“If you find your own happiness… please… please don’t kill your own heart.”
“…Ciel.”
And yet, she, the person I trusted most, said she had ‘failed to teach’ me this.
“…You know… I don’t have anything I want to do.”
…What a boring person I was.
What did I used to like? ――What did I like?
“What I want to do, my desires… I can’t think of anything.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I had made a decision based on personal preference.
If I had to say, it was Konrad. I disliked that prince. We weren’t compatible.
However, even that dislike was within the acceptable range for our positions.
Once he peacefully succeeded to the throne and became king… I supposed I could interact with him professionally. He would likely do the same.
Because it was necessary.
There was a scale within my heart.
On one side, I placed the peace of Eustasia. And on the other, cold logic that deemed human lives, even affection, worthless.
Even myself, even Ciel, whom I considered more important than myself, were merely weights on the scale.
That was what it meant to be the head of the Vanderwaals.
“…It’s my fault. I relied too much on my student’s excellence… I’m a failure as a teacher.”
I chuckled.
“If you’re a failure as a teacher, Ciel, then no one can call themselves a teacher.”
It wasn’t Ciel’s fault. I was the one who hadn’t learned.
“…Ciel, I still don’t understand what you mean. I don’t know how to… do what I want.”
Perhaps I hadn’t been such a good student after all.
“But…”
I was willing to learn.
“When that time comes, I’ll remember. I… have the option of following my heart.”
I was Adelheid von Vanderwaals.
The new head of the Vanderwaals family.
Peace for Eustasia.
Duty and loyalty.
And even then…
“On one side of the scale in my heart, I’ll place my responsibilities as the head of the family. And on the other… my promise to Ciel.”
I gently squeezed her hands in return and gazed into her kind, light gray eyes, the kind I could look at forever.
“…Is that alright?”
“Yes, my lady.”
Ciel smiled.
Her long, lustrous black hair was tied back, but she also wore a hairpin in her left bangs.
It was a silver piece, shaped like a six-petaled flower… nothing too expensive.
But she always wore it.
Because I had given it to her when I received my allowance.
Just as the navy blue ribbon I always used to tie back my hair was a gift from her.
We released each other’s hands and stood up.
Ciel was taller than me, slender, with curves in all the right places, and toned… I was a little envious.
…Had I already stopped growing…?
Ciel said wistfully,
“This is the last time I’ll be able to call you that, isn’t it?”
“…You can still call me that when we’re alone.”
She shook her head.
“It’s a matter of propriety. —Lady Adelheid.”
Ciel’s serious expression was familiar, comforting even.
But I felt…
…a slight pang of… something missing.
“…May I be selfish, just this once?”
“Anything at all.”
“Will you show me that smile again?”
“…Was I… smiling just now?”
Ciel looked puzzled.
She touched her cheeks.
“You were wearing a natural, lovely smile.”
“…Oh.”
Her bewildered expression was quite rare, and I pressed on, feeling a surge of excitement.
“So, about that smile?”
“I apologize. It seems to be difficult.”
“Oh, I see…”
That was a shame.
But perhaps someday, she would show it to me again.
Would I have found my own desires by then?
…………
――I must have fallen asleep.
I felt like I had been dreaming of the past.
Perhaps it was because I had been thinking about my ‘promise’ with Ciel before I went to sleep.
I sat up in bed and looked around, but Ciel wasn’t there. She shouldn’t be.
I was an adult now, the head of a noble family.
Unless I had overslept drastically, Ciel wouldn’t come to wake me up like she did when I was a child.
Even so, I murmured to her,
“…Hey, Ciel. I think I found something I want to do.”
Something I wanted to do.
Something I liked.
――Someone precious to me.
I would follow my heart.
And I would follow fate.
She would probably be angry.
Because even though I had found something I wanted to do, I was still suppressing my own heart.
But my sister was adorable.
The scale within my heart was broken.
Or perhaps, it was functioning perfectly.
Because the only option that balanced my sister Leticia’s happiness with my responsibilities as the head of the family was to follow the scenario of fate.
So, this was my selfishness.
The desire I held. The wish I had made.
Peace for Eustasia.
Duty and loyalty.
And above all, happiness for my sister.
Engraving that in my heart, I got out of bed.
Even if there was nothing I could do.
I wanted to be by my sister’s side while she was sick.
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