Chapter 19: I Won’t Leave
Tonight, Jiang Xue deliberately found a deserted corner to sit in. Xie Xitong kept watch while she sent over the beef noodles, along with the bowl and dishes.
“She gave me a list of allergies, and beef wasn’t on it, but she hasn’t eaten anything with beef recently either.”
After sending the noodles, Jiang Xue ate her own while sighing to her friend. “It’s getting colder and colder. I still think she should have some hot soup with beef or mutton.”
Xie Xitong picked out the garlic chives and cilantro from the noodles, then said without looking up, “You just want to ‘increase her affection level,’ right?”
According to Jiang Xue’s “Hypothesis 1,” there was an invisible “affection level” between the two girls. Every transtemporal interaction they had through the diary was likely an opportunity to “increase affection.”
Xie Xitong felt this didn’t make sense. Whether it was friendship or other emotions, how could they be measured in real life by “how many gifts you give” or “how many times you take care of someone”?
“Why would I want to increase her affection level?” Jiang Xue asked, puzzled. “Using numerical values as an analogy is just a way to clearly define our bond and quickly find patterns!”
“I send her things because I think of her and want to send them to her!”
She sincerely hoped that her gifts could improve the Third Princess’s life. If it weren’t for the limitations of their means of interaction, she would have wanted to provide the best possible help for the Third Princess’s food, clothing, shelter, and even social interactions.
“Even if the affection level between us could really be quantified, I wouldn’t just shower her with gifts non-stop,” she said firmly. “Reciprocity is important so that neither of us feels indebted to the other. If I sent too much at once, without any reason, it would be a burden for her.”
That’s why she saved up the things she wanted to send and tried to find suitable opportunities to send them over.
Xie Xitong paused, a look of apology appearing on her face. “I misunderstood. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay! After all, I did write about affection levels!”
After they had almost finished their noodles, the empty bowl and dishes were returned.
They were spotlessly clean, with water droplets on the bottom of the bowl and the edges of the dish, but the outside, which had been in contact with the diary, was wiped dry.
However, it was precisely because the dishes were so clean that the two fell silent.
In the end, Jiang Xue played the “bad guy.” She poured some of their leftover soup into the clean bowl, swished it around, and dipped the chopsticks in the oily soup, making it look like they had just finished eating and hadn’t washed the dishes yet.
But on the way back, she was quite happy: “Someone being able to wash the dishes so clean for the Third Princess means her life isn’t as bad as I imagined!”
With Jiang Xue’s help, Xiao Luohan did feel that her life was gradually becoming brighter.
The books she could read were no longer the Lessons for Women and Women’s Precepts that she loathed. Everything in that world was open to her. As long as she could name it, Jiang Xue would find the corresponding books for her.
The soft “Shiba Inu” plush toy was by her pillow. She hugged it every night and slept soundly without dreams.
The Red Scream bottle and the plum blossom branch Shizhu had brought her were placed on the windowsill together. She would occasionally use the Scream bottle to water the plum blossom.
Even when she had no requests, she would be given food, drinks, and candies. She had only eaten a few of the candies from last time, and Jiang Xue had already sent more, emphasizing that they could be stored for half a year, so she could take her time enjoying them.
Most importantly, she also felt that she could live a little longer.
After taking the previous prescription for seven days, Jiang Xue asked the doctor in her world to adjust it. The new medicine didn’t cause any discomfort, and she even started practicing Tai Chi Sword—her physical strength had improved, and she could move around a little more each day.
Because of this, she started drawing more frequently.
This was the only gift she felt was meaningful, imbued with her unspoken joys, sorrows, and emotions.
Usually, she only sent Jiang Xue lively and cute drawings, capturing Jiang Xue’s daily life on paper, like photographs.
As she felt her connection with Jiang Xue deepen, she began to consider sharing some of the scenes that, whenever she recalled them, made her feel like she was falling into an icy abyss.
For example, about her elder sister’s death.
When Jiang Xue received the drawing, it was another weekend.
She was still studying and doing homework with Xie Xitong at home, but this time, Xie Xitong had brought her pure white Maine Coon cat. As they worked, Xie Xitong’s hand would stray from her pen to the cat, petting it until it purred softly.
Jiang Xue resisted for a while, but finally succumbed to the temptation, moving the cat from Xie Xitong’s lap to her own.
Just then, a drawing suddenly appeared on the open diary beside her.
Jiang Xue was about to pet the cat when her gaze was drawn to the striking red on the drawing, and she instinctively turned her head.
Then she was startled by the scene, gasping and unconsciously tightening her grip.
“Meow!!” The innocent cat, whose fur she had just pinched, protested loudly and jumped off her lap.
“What did she send?” Xie Xitong asked in surprise, picking up the cat.
“…A drawing.” Jiang Xue carefully held the drawing, frowning as she examined it closely.
She hadn’t expected the Third Princess, who rarely mentioned her elder sister, to send her such a drawing.
The drawing was undoubtedly of a female general, clad in armor, holding a silver spear with a red tassel.
However, she was kneeling in the pouring rain, her body riddled with arrows… no, there was also a spear, piercing straight through her back!
Blood stained her armor, flowing onto the ground with the rain, pooling into a vibrant red—the very color that had caught Jiang Xue’s attention just now.
“The Third Princess drew her… deceased elder sister.” Jiang Xue carefully chose her words, then added, “To be precise, it’s the scene of her elder sister’s death, as she imagines it.”
She had also studied drawing and knew that drawings could be realistic or embellished.
The Third Princess, confined to her chambers due to illness, must have heard about her elder sister’s death from others, such as the “pierced by arrows” part, so she had drawn this tragic and heroic scene.
Jiang Xue hurriedly looked at the diary, but the Third Princess, as always, hadn’t written anything, only sending this drawing.
…Did she know the drawing had been sent? Could it have been accidentally placed on the diary by the wind or a servant who couldn’t see the diary while it was drying?
“If you’re worried, just ask,” Xie Xitong’s voice interrupted Jiang Xue’s thoughts. “Ask her what she’s thinking and why she showed you this. Even if she doesn’t want to explain the details, she can answer with ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”
She put down the cat and stood up. “I’ll go get Mei-jiejie!”
The cat, no longer being petted, came over and rubbed against Jiang Xue’s leg, meowing.
Jiang Xue bit her lip, not asking immediately, but picked up the cat and gently stroked its fur, calming herself down and thinking about how to ask.
The Third Princess had silently sent this drawing. What kind of response was she expecting?
What kind of response could she give? What if she disappointed or upset the Third Princess?
After thinking for a while, she suddenly realized she was guessing again and quickly shook her head, picking up her pen.
Stop guessing! There’s no point!
Jiang Xue decided to listen to Xie Xitong. She would just ask. Whether the Third Princess answered with “yes” or “no” or remained silent, it didn’t matter!
She would still talk to the Third Princess and send her things next time!
Footsteps came from the stairs. Xie Xitong and Jiang Mei were coming down.
Jiang Xue buried her face in the cat’s fur and took a deep breath, using the courage given by the large white cat to write:
【I saw your drawing and finally understand why you didn’t answer that day.】
【I’ve wanted to apologize to you for a long time about what happened last time, but I haven’t found the right opportunity. I’m doing it now.】
【I’m sorry, I was just trying to find topics to talk about, asking all sorts of questions without knowing anything. But I still want to be pen pals with you who can talk about anything, so I want to ask clearly.】
【I’ll tell you my guess. If you don’t want to say more, just answer with yes or no.】
【This drawing, is it the scene of your elder sister’s death in battle?】
【Yes.】
To Jiang Xue’s surprise, the Third Princess answered without hesitation.
【Do you want to tell me that you no longer have an elder sister, but you don’t know how to say it? I mean, you don’t know how to express your sadness about this through words.】
【Yes.】
Jiang Xue breathed a small sigh of relief.
Two faint shadows fell behind her. She knew it was her friend and older sister—the only two people who knew her secret, silently watching the conversation unfold.
She picked up her pen again.
【Then would you be willing to tell me with drawings?】
【I might not be able to understand every drawing, but I’ll ask you as soon as I receive them. You just need to answer with yes or no, like this. If you don’t want to answer, you can remain silent. If you feel offended, you can even scold me for being rude.】
【I will always listen, as long as the diary can still connect us across time and space, I won’t leave.】
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