Chapter 97: Accompany Her
Yu Qiao fell back onto the sofa, her body sinking into the cushions, looking at Zhou Tianzui, her hands gripping the edges of a pillow tightly. Her face was pale, wanting to scold Zhou Tianzui, but the words wouldn’t come. She opened her mouth, then closed it, speechless, and went to the kitchen.
Zhou Tianzui followed her, “Mom.”
“Xiao Tian,” Yu Qiao said, “Go find your father, look at him, tell him what you just told me.”
Zhou Tianzui was silent.
She didn’t move.
Yu Qiao turned around and pulled her towards the door, “We’re going to see your father!”
Zhou Tianzui said, “Mom, don’t do this…”
Yu Qiao said, “Do what? Not accepting your relationship? I haven’t even said anything yet, and you can’t handle it? Didn’t you say you could accept the consequences?” She pulled Zhou Tianzui, dragging her towards the door, ignoring her protests. The cold wind bit at their skin, both of them only wearing thin sweaters, no jackets. Zhou Tianzui coughed a few times. Yu Qiao stopped, turning to look at her.
The mark from the slap was still visible on Zhou Tianzui’s face, the pain a hundred times worse for Yu Qiao than if she had been slapped herself.
But this physical pain, how could it compare to the pain caused by those words, those people?
Yu Qiao said, “Let’s go.”
They got into the car. The driver, seeing their grim expressions, didn’t dare speak, driving quickly, arriving at their destination. They ran into the groundskeeper, who said, “Xiao Tian? Why are you—” He paused, seeing Yu Qiao, sensing something was wrong, “What’s the matter?”
Zhou Tianzui said, “Nothing, my mom wanted to visit my dad.”
“Why are you dressed so lightly?” The groundskeeper said, “Aren’t you cold? Go home early after you’re done.”
Zhou Tianzui nodded.
Yu Qiao pulled her towards the tombstone.
Zhou Tianzui looked down. The man in the photo smiled at her. The words she had said to Yu Qiao earlier now felt like thorns stuck in her throat, she couldn’t bring herself to repeat them.
Yu Qiao said, “Tell your father.”
Zhou Tianzui remained silent, the wind howling, a mournful cry, carrying the biting cold. She coughed, tears welling up in her eyes. Yu Qiao gripped her arm, “Say it.”
“Tell him what you said at home.”
“Tell him you’re gay, that you like women, that you’re ready to face those rumors again.” Tears streamed down Yu Qiao’s face, “Tell him you can handle it, just like you said.”
“Tell him how you’ll handle it.”
“Tell him how you survived all those years ago.”
“Tell him how you hurt yourself, how you…”
“Mom!” Zhou Tianzui interrupted her, “That’s all in the past, let’s not talk about it anymore.” Her face, flushed from her cold, was even redder now. Yu Qiao said, “The past? How is it in the past?” She pulled at Zhou Tianzui’s clothes, revealing the scars on her skin. Zhou Tianzui grabbed her hand, “Mom! Don’t bring that up anymore, what’s happening now has nothing to do with the past.”
“Fine, tell your father then.” Yu Qiao said, “Tell him, tell your father, that what’s happening now has nothing to do with the past! That it’s all in the past! Tell him you love You Ruxu!”
Zhou Tianzui’s flushed cheeks paled instantly, the secrets buried deep within her like insects, gnawing at her, consuming her. The pain made her stumble. Yu Qiao shouted at her, “Say it!”
Zhou Tianzui remained silent.
Yu Qiao didn’t know.
But Zhou Qiming.
Knew.
How could she say it?
Dad, the person I love is the one who made you suffer even after your death, the one who made Mom and I live in hiding, the one who made us the target of ridicule, almost breaking us?
Zhou Tianzui stood before Zhou Qiming’s tombstone, silent, enduring Yu Qiao’s tears and accusations, refusing to speak.
Yu Qiao, exhausted from crying, looked at her, “You can’t even say it to your father, and you claim you can handle it?”
Zhou Tianzui finally spoke, “Mom, it’s different.”
“Different how?” Yu Qiao pressed, “Tell me, what’s the difference?”
Zhou Tianzui’s vision blurred with tears, her body swaying, unable to stand straight, unable to answer Yu Qiao’s questions, the memories of the past like a knife twisting in her heart, a raw wound, pouring out their humiliation and pain.
“It’s just different!” Zhou Tianzui said, “I don’t care about other people, Mom, I don’t care what they say. If you’re worried about what others will think, we won’t go public, we’ll just…”
“Just what?” Yu Qiao asked, “Just continue this shameful secret relationship? What will you tell people? That you’re just friends? What kind of friends are like you two? Sleeping together?!”
Her sharp questions laced with unspoken disgust.
Zhou Tianzui endured it.
She said, “Mom, let’s go home.”
“Xiao Tian, right here, in front of your father, let’s make this clear, are you breaking up with her or not?” Yu Qiao looked at Zhou Tianzui, her voice choked with tears, “You and her, are you breaking up?”
Zhou Tianzui looked at her. In the years after they left Jindu, Yu Qiao’s health had been fragile, frequent relapses, and Zhou Tianzui had always been by her side, worried, yet also relieved that she still had her mother, that she wouldn’t lose her, she hadn’t dared to leave Yu Qiao’s side, that feeling of having only each other, deeply ingrained in her. That was why, later, whether in school or at work, she never strayed too far from Yu Qiao.
She had vowed never to make Yu Qiao unhappy again.
She had broken that vow.
Zhou Tianzui said, “Mom, I won’t break up with her.”
She turned to face Zhou Qiming’s tombstone and said, “I’m sorry, Dad.”
Then she knelt down before the tombstone, Yu Qiao watching, stunned.
Zhou Tianzui kowtowed, her forehead touching the ground, her back bowed, her long hair falling around her, her muffled voice carrying in the wind, “Dad, I’m sorry, I’m selfish, I’m shameless, I’m pathetic, I was the one who pursued her, I begged her to be with me, I’m sorry, Dad, I’m sorry.”
Yu Qiao looked at her, “Xiao Tian?”
Zhou Tianzui straightened up, still kneeling, facing Yu Qiao, “Mom, I’m sorry, you can hit me, you can scold me, but I won’t break up with her.”
Yu Qiao froze.
Zhou Tianzui continued, “I can’t, I can’t bear to.”
She looked up at Yu Qiao, “She’s just as important to me, as you are.”
The wind blew against her thin sweater, chilling her skin, making her already pale face even whiter. Yu Qiao gritted her teeth, raised her hand, wanting to slap Zhou Tianzui, to scold her for being so foolish, but meeting Zhou Tianzui’s resolute gaze, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
This child, since Zhou Qiming’s death, had always been obedient, even changing her university choices for her. Yu Qiao had never doubted her importance to Zhou Tianzui.
But now she said.
That You Ruxu was just as important.
Right here, in front of Zhou Qiming.
As if all her strength had been drained, Yu Qiao stumbled back, almost falling against another tombstone. Zhou Tianzui knelt there, the wind whipping her hair around her face, but her body remained still, stubborn and unyielding.
As if defending the last line of her love.
Love?
Was that what they had? Love?
Yu Qiao wanted to laugh, but she cried instead, her eyes red and swollen. She turned to leave. Zhou Tianzui called out, “Mom.”
Yu Qiao’s retreating figure paused.
She said, “Let’s go home.”
Her voice quiet and defeated.
So different from her earlier fury.
Zhou Tianzui stood up and followed Yu Qiao, the atmosphere heavy and oppressive again. Yu Qiao didn’t speak, didn’t even make dinner when they got home, just sat on the sofa, looking through old photos.
The family photo album, which Zhou Tianzui had hidden away for many years. During Yu Qiao’s unstable years, she hadn’t dared bring it out. Later, after school, she would see Yu Qiao looking at the album, afraid to even approach, and Yu Qiao would wave her over, “Come look, we have a family photo too.”
It was taken when she was a baby, she had no memory of it, but seeing Yu Qiao calm and collected, she had been relieved. Later, as Yu Qiao’s condition improved, she brought out the old albums again, looking through them with Yu Qiao, even adding new photos, mostly of the two of them.
Yu Qiao gently stroked the photos. Zhou Tianzui said, “I’ll make dinner.”
“You go and rest.” Yu Qiao said, “You still have a cold, go to bed, I’ll take care of dinner, don’t trouble yourself.”
She seemed to have reverted to her pre-You Ruxu state, but the coldness and distance in her voice felt like a lump in Zhou Tianzui’s throat, a sudden chasm between them.
Zhou Tianzui didn’t argue, didn’t insist.
It would take time.
She knew it would take time for Yu Qiao to accept it, and she was willing to wait. Back in her room, Zhou Tianzui’s headache intensified. Her forehead was burning hot. She took some cold and fever medicine, set an alarm, and glanced at her phone, no messages from You Ruxu, not a single call.
Thinking of their argument earlier today, Zhou Tianzui sighed softly, put her phone aside, and went to bed.
Yu Qiao sat outside, until past six o’clock. The events of the afternoon felt like a dream, was she really dreaming? It felt surreal. She looked towards Zhou Tianzui’s room, the door slightly ajar. She walked over, Zhou Tianzui was sleeping, not the empty room she was used to.
It wasn’t a dream.
Yu Qiao, still in a daze, went to the kitchen, made dinner, cooked, everything the same as before, yet different. She heard a voice behind her: “Mom.”
Zhou Tianzui was awake.
Yu Qiao looked at her, the image of her as a child overlapping with the adult she was now. After a few seconds, she returned to her senses and nodded, “Dinner’s ready.”
Zhou Tianzui sat opposite her.
They ate in silence, the food the same as always. Zhou Tianzui didn’t eat much. After dinner, Yu Qiao went to wash up, then to her bedroom. Zhou Tianzui, seeing her silence, lowered her head and went to her own room.
The living room lights were turned off.
The apartment was silent.
Zhou Tianzui sat in her room for half an hour, then opened the door and went out. It was dark outside, the door to Yu Qiao’s room tightly closed, no light from beneath, the lights off.
Zhou Tianzui stood there for a few minutes, then took her car keys and walked towards the door.
Just as she reached it, she turned back, walked to Yu Qiao’s door, knocked lightly, and called out, “Mom.”
The door opened, the sudden light making Zhou Tianzui’s eyes squint. Yu Qiao stood there. Zhou Tianzui said, “Mom, I’m going to the hospital.”
Yu Qiao looked at Zhou Tianzui. She had a fever all afternoon, her face pale, her body looking frail, yet she was still thinking about You Ruxu at the hospital. Yu Qiao gripped the doorknob tightly and heard Zhou Tianzui say, “She can’t sleep in unfamiliar beds, if I don’t go, she won’t be able to sleep.”
She said, “Mom, I want to go be with her.”
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