Chapter 49: Regret
Zhou Tianzui left, and You Ruxu’s fever returned. Not wanting Zhou Tianzui to worry, she took some fever medicine. Wu Xiulian sat beside her. You Ruxu urged her to rest, but Wu Xiulian said, “I’m afraid you’ll become a little fool if I fall asleep.”
She muttered, “You’re already foolish enough as it is.”
You Ruxu said, “I’m not.”
She looked at Wu Xiulian: “Is my mom very angry?”
Wu Xiulian said, “Of course she’s angry, but it’s not the first time.”
You Ruxu rarely did anything to anger Wu Xiulian. It was usually Wu Xiulian’s influence. Wu Xiulian wasn’t afraid of angering her sister, sometimes even deliberately provoking her, then saying, “Anger is a way of regulating emotions, we’re helping your mom.”
She had all sorts of twisted logic, making Wu Xiulian unable to scold or hit her. For a while, she was even forbidden from being near You Ruxu, accused of being a bad influence.
She wondered if Wu Xiulian’s mother was thinking the same thing now.
Wu Xiulian chuckled, “Don’t worry, she’s your mom, her anger will subside eventually.”
You Ruxu nodded.
Wu Xiulian’s mother didn’t come to see her, but You Shu did. Around ten o’clock, You Ruxu was watching Wu Xiulian prepare lunch when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it; You Shu was standing outside.
You Ruxu softly called out, “Dad.”
Her voice was hoarse from the fever. She took two steps back. You Shu entered the apartment. Wu Xiulian looked over, then returned to her cooking. She often joked with Wu Xiulian, but rarely interacted with You Shu. You Shu said, “I won’t come in, are you feeling better?”
You Ruxu said, “Much better.”
You Shu wanted to pat her head, his hand hovering in the air, then lowering. He said, “Your mother hasn’t slept all night, go see her when you have time.”
You Ruxu said, “Okay.”
You Shu said, “Nothing else, I just came to check on you. Glad you’re feeling better.”
You Ruxu lowered her head.
You Shu wasn’t a talkative person, even somewhat taciturn. You Ruxu had inherited this trait from him. The father and daughter stood face to face, neither mentioning last night’s incident, nor Zhou Tianzui. You Ruxu stood quietly and heard You Shu call out, “Ruxu.”
She looked up.
You Shu said, “You’ve always been obedient, rarely defying your mother and me. I’m both happy and unhappy about that.”
For the first time, he was expressing his true feelings.
You Ruxu’s face paled slightly.
You Shu said, “Happy that you’re obedient, unhappy that you’re too obedient.”
Because she was too obedient.
Obedient to the point of losing her own self after losing a child.
But Wu Xiulian liked it.
When they lost their daughter, she was five years old, the same age as You Ruxu when they first brought her home, but two months older. Wu Xiulian hadn’t agreed to the adoption at first, scolding him for being heartless, for forgetting their daughter so quickly. He insisted on bringing You Ruxu home. Seeing You Ruxu, Wu Xiulian agreed. This child was well-behaved and endearing. It was as if Wu Xiulian poured all the love she hadn’t had time to give her own daughter onto You Ruxu.
You Ruxu’s arrival brought color back into their lives. Sometimes, Wu Xiulian would confuse the two daughters, attributing things that happened to her own daughter to You Ruxu.
You Ruxu was too obedient. She would hug Wu Xiulian when she said these things, saying, “Mom, I was too young then, I don’t remember, tell me more.”
Wu Xiulian would smile and tell her stories about the past.
Later, as You Ruxu grew older, Wu Xiulian gradually recovered, but she still had a strong desire to control You Ruxu.
Fortunately, You Ruxu was obedient.
You Shu said, “I was quite surprised when you decided to go to Jindu after graduation.”
It was a rare act of defiance, choosing her own path. He had been proud of her then, but now—You Shu said, “I came today to ask you one question.”
You Ruxu looked at You Shu, “What question?”
You Shu said, “Did you become a reporter because you wanted to, or because of someone else?”
You Ruxu’s throat tightened, she was momentarily speechless. She looked at You Shu, who said, “Don’t rush to answer me. Ask yourself this question, think about it carefully.”
You Ruxu fell silent, her face pale and fragile.
You Shu finally reached out and patted her head, “No matter the answer, you will always be our child, Ruxu, do you understand?”
You Ruxu nodded: “I understand.”
You Shu said, “Go and rest, I’m going to work.”
You Ruxu watched him leave.
Wu Xiulian, hearing the door close, walked over, looked at You Ruxu, and asked, “What did your father say?”
You Ruxu said, “Nothing much.”
Wu Xiulian frowned: “Did you talk about Dr. Zhou?”
You Ruxu shook her head.
Wu Xiulian said, “They won’t accept it so easily, take it slow.”
You Ruxu looked at Wu Xiulian and said, “Aunt accepted it quite easily.”
Wu Xiulian blinked, “Did I?”
You Ruxu didn’t press the issue, just smiled, and returned to the living room. Wu Xiulian, figuring she didn’t have much of an appetite, made her some noodles. You Ruxu sat at the table, eating slowly. Seeing Wu Xiulian grab her keys, she asked, “Aunt, where are you going?”
“To pick up a package.” Wu Xiulian said, “Are you done eating?”
You Ruxu nodded.
Wu Xiulian said, “Then come help me, there’s quite a bit.”
It was mostly tissues, shoes, and clothes. Wu Xiulian loved online shopping, many things in her home were bought online. After You Ruxu finished washing the dishes, she followed Wu Xiulian downstairs. The rain had stopped. Wu Xiulian said, “What a rare sunny day.”
It had been raining almost non-stop for half a month, sometimes heavy, sometimes light. It was indeed a rare sight to see the sun. You Ruxu walked under the sunlight, feeling a touch of warmth. She followed Wu Xiulian to the package pick-up station near the complex entrance. Wu Xiulian had bought quite a few things, not heavy, but many boxes. You Ruxu carried a few, Wu Xiulian also carried a few, and as they walked back, they heard someone call out, “Wu Xiulian.”
The voice came from their right. You Ruxu turned and saw a woman in a black down jacket standing a few meters away, looking at her and Wu Xiulian.
She looked familiar.
The woman’s makeup was impeccable, her features striking, similar to Zhou Tianzui’s, a strong and vibrant beauty. You Ruxu looked at her for a few moments. Wu Xiulian said, “Xu Xu, you go back first.”
She walked towards the woman.
You Ruxu remembered the many times Wu Xiulian had done this in the past, waving at her under the setting sun, saying, “Xu Xu, you go home first, tell your mom I’m going to a friend’s place!”
A friend.
Zhao Yan.
Wu Xiulian’s high school friend, the one with the exceptionally gentle personality.
So they were still in contact. Seeing the car keys in Zhao Yan’s hand, and her going-out attire, she presumably also lived in this complex. Because of Wu Xiulian, You Ruxu took a closer look. Zhao Yan happened to look over, meeting her gaze, and smiled politely. You Ruxu also nodded slightly, returning the smile.
Wu Xiulian stood in front of her, blocking her view, and asked, “When did you get back?”
“Yesterday afternoon.” Zhao Yan looked away from You Ruxu, her gaze towards Wu Xiulian no longer as gentle as during their high school days, but cold and distant, “Your niece is back in Yuhai?”
Wu Xiulian said, “That’s none of your business, is it?”
“She’s not coming back?” Zhao Yan said, “Of course it’s none of my business then, I just don’t want to see some people deceiving themselves, that’s all.”
Wu Xiulian frowned, looking at her. Zhao Yan’s expression was calm as she met her gaze, unflinching.
She looked at this self-deceiving person in front of her.
Before university, they had promised to go to the same university. When they filled out their application forms, Zhao Yan had confessed her feelings. She had sensed Wu Xiulian’s affections and readily admitted her own, only to be met with rejection, Wu Xiulian even changing her university choices to get away from her.
After starting university, she had gone to Wu Xiulian’s university to find her, only to hear that she had one boyfriend after another. Those short-lived relationships, not even holding hands, ending without a trace. Zhao Yan scoffed at her self-deception.
Was liking a woman something to be ashamed of?
Wu Xiulian glared at Zhao Yan, who was looking at her with pity, as if she was a clown. She said, “Our family matters are none of your concern.”
“I’m not concerned.” Zhao Yan said, “Just a word of advice, don’t be so stubborn, stop deceiving yourself.”
Her words were cryptic, but Wu Xiulian’s heart sank, her composure shattering into pieces. After speaking, Zhao Yan turned and walked away, her figure confident and decisive. Wu Xiulian watched her go, clenched her hands, and turned back to You Ruxu.
You Ruxu asked curiously, “Aunt, wasn’t that your high school classmate?”
“Yes.” Wu Xiulian said, “You still remember her.”
You Ruxu said, “Of course I remember, she used to be very close to you, are you still in contact?”
“Occasionally.” Wu Xiulian said, “She’s different now, very unpleasant, stay away from her next time you see her.”
You Ruxu smiled.
Wu Xiulian asked, “Are they heavy? Give them to me.”
You Ruxu said, “They’re not heavy.”
They walked home, chatting. You Ruxu said, “I’ll go home and see my mom later.”
Wu Xiulian said, “Go later, your mom won’t open the door for you now.”
It was Wu Xiulian’s usual style.
You Ruxu paused, then sat on the sofa. Wu Xiulian sat beside her, unpacking the packages. The atmosphere was quiet. You Ruxu’s phone vibrated. She glanced at it, it was Zhou Tianzui, messaging her after finishing her interview.
It was rare for her to be so proactive in reporting her schedule.
This feeling was quite strange, and You Ruxu liked it. She held the phone and replied to Zhou Tianzui: [Okay, I see.]
Zhou Tianzui asked: [Not resting yet?]
You Ruxu: [Not yet, not very sleepy.]
Wu Xiulian, pausing mid-unpack, looked at You Ruxu, at her clear complexion, the slight smile on her lips, her expression relaxed and happy.
She watched for a few seconds, then couldn’t help but call out, “Xu Xu.”
You Ruxu looked up at her.
Wu Xiulian asked, “Are you messaging Dr. Zhou?”
You Ruxu shifted her grip on the phone, changed her posture, and nodded: “Yes, it’s her.”
Wu Xiulian looked at her, thought for a moment, and then asked, “Xu Xu, do you regret being with Dr. Zhou?”
You Ruxu shook her head without hesitation, “No.”
Wu Xiulian teased, “Oh, you like her that much?”
You Ruxu pursed her lips, the joy in her eyes betraying her feelings.
Indeed, she liked her that much.
Wu Xiulian breathed a sigh of relief and continued unpacking.
No regrets then.
No regrets. It was the only good thing she had done in all the wrong things she had done.
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