49 You Can Do What You Want
Unable to resist Riri-chan’s persistence, I became a dress-up doll.
As she kept suggesting different outfits, the dress that didn’t suit me at first started to look… okay.
People get used to things, I guess.
“So, what do you think? Is this okay?”
“It’s… okay, I guess…”
“Well, you don’t have to force yourself. I just wanted to show you that you can pull off this kind of style too, Suzuna.”
…That’s what she said.
Well, if Riri-chan insists, I’ll believe her.
I changed back into my black sweatsuit and left the fitting room.
I was about to take the dress to the cashier, but…
“Suzuna, it goes over there.”
Riri-chan pointed to where the dress originally was.
“Hmm? Aren’t you buying it?”
I tilted my head, not understanding what she meant.
“Eh, you’re buying it?”
“Well, yeah.”
Riri-chan’s eyes widened.
It wasn’t cheap, but it was within my budget.
Amatsuki Suzuna, who rarely spends money, has quite a bit of savings.
“You don’t have to force yourself. You can choose something else if you like.”
“…You said it suited me, Riri-chan, so this is fine. I like this one.”
Or rather, I don’t have any particular style I like.
What Riri-chan says is good is good enough for me.
She should be aware of that.
As I was thinking that, Riri-chan looked up at the ceiling again.
…What is she doing, looking at the ceiling?
“Suzuna, what are you doing to me?”
Riri-chan suddenly hugged me.
Wait, wait, wait!
“Riri-chan, we’re in a store!”
“Ah, we can’t do this in public.”
That doesn’t mean it’s okay if no one’s around.
For some reason, Riri-chan was so happy she looked like she was about to start dancing.
“So, why don’t you change into it after we buy it?”
“…Seriously?”
“Seriously. Why wouldn’t you?”
“I’m fine with it, Riri-chan, but I’m not sure about… being seen in this by strangers…”
I know no one is paying attention to me, but I still feel embarrassed.
“Honestly, I think it’s more embarrassing to be seen in that sweatsuit…”
“Is that so?”
“It is.”
She sounded slightly exasperated.
“Okay…”
I have nothing else to believe in besides Riri-chan’s words.
I decided to listen to her.
I paid for the dress, borrowed a fitting room to change, and then we left the store.
“Suzuna, you’re so cute!”
And I was hugged again.
…What’s with her?
“Riri-chan.”
“Ah! Sorry, you’re just too cute.”
She’s saying things that sound like something a kidnapper would say.
But the light and airy fabric felt more comfortable than I expected.
The black sweatsuit, stuffed into the shopping bag, looked a little bulky.
“…I heard sweatshirts were functional, but was that a lie?”
“Suzuna, you’re banned from using that word for clothes.”
I don’t understand why, but Riri-chan issued a ban.
◇◇◇
“What about your shopping, Riri-chan?”
At the previous store, Riri-chan was only looking at clothes for me; she didn’t seem to be looking for anything for herself.
“Ah, I forgot.”
“Why…?”
“I was too focused on you, Suzuna.”
Was the sweatsuit that bad?
“So what did you want to buy?”
“Um, I wanted to look at some miscellaneous goods.”
We went to a nearby general store.
It had a stylish exterior and various cute knick-knacks.
Riri-chan wandered around the store.
She seemed to be browsing aimlessly rather than looking for something specific.
“How about this?”
Riri-chan suddenly picked up a stuffed animal.
It looked like a rabbit, but its ears and limbs were quite short. And its head was disproportionately large.
It had an awkward, stubby appearance, but it was still cute as a stuffed animal.
“…Cute.”
I generally like stuffed animals.
In my previous life, I had so many that it was hard to tell if my room was mine or the stuffed animals’.
I’ve been holding back since becoming Amatsuki Suzuna, but maybe I can start collecting them again.
“Ahaha, right? I think so too.”
Riri-chan giggled and stroked the stuffed animal’s head.
I don’t understand fashion or anything, but I was happy that we seemed to have similar tastes in this area.
“You like these too, Riri-chan?”
Seeing her with the stuffed animal made me want to do the same, so I stroked it too.
The soft, short fur felt pleasant.
“Yeah, I think I like them. …But Kaede probably doesn’t like this kind of thing.”
“…”
Why did she bring up Tachibana-san’s name?
I stopped stroking the stuffed animal.
“Suzuna?”
Riri-chan put the stuffed animal back and peered at my face.
“…What’s wrong with Tachibana-san?”
“Ah, well, her birthday is coming up soon, so I was wondering what to get her.”
“Hmm…”
I see, it’s Tachibana-san’s birthday.
So that’s it.
Riri-chan’s main purpose today was to buy a birthday present for Tachibana-san.
“Um… sorry, I didn’t tell you.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
I know that Riri-chan and Tachibana-san are friends.
And Riri-chan told me not to worry about it.
It’s normal for friends to give each other presents; it’s not strange at all.
So it’s weird that Riri-chan is apologizing.
“No, it’s because you seem angry, Suzuna.”
Riri-chan made an apologetic expression.
I don’t understand.
There’s no reason for her to make that expression.
“I’m not angry.”
“No, you’re clearly acting differently.”
“I’m not.”
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
Riri-chan reached for my hand.
I instinctively pulled away.
“…You are angry.”
Riri-chan looked at me, troubled.
But I’m the one who’s troubled.
I’m acting normally, but Riri-chan is unilaterally treating me like I’m in a bad mood.
It’s making me actually feel bad.
“I’m going home.”
“Eh, come on, that’s not fair.”
I don’t like this.
I don’t like Riri-chan treating me like I’m fragile.
And I don’t like that she was thinking about Tachibana-san while trying to touch me.
Or rather, she might have been thinking about whether Tachibana-san would like this dress.
Presents can be clothes too.
So maybe I was just an afterthought from the beginning.
I don’t like that either.
“Whatever.”
“Suzuna, I’m sorry! I’m apologizing!”
“I’m not angry, so I don’t want you to apologize.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing.”
I’m tired of this back and forth.
Riri-chan can just choose a present for Tachibana-san.
She can think about her close friend, choose a present, give it to her, and have a good time.
It has nothing to do with me.
It doesn’t.
I don’t need to get involved in something that has nothing to do with me.
My thoughts were jumbled, my emotions a mess, and I felt disgusted.
I wanted to leave this place and throw away these feelings.
50 All Alone
My stomach churns.
As if driven by some unseen force, I continued walking.
Not heading anywhere in particular, just blindly pushing through the crowd.
At first, I could hear Riri-chan’s voice, but before I knew it, it was gone.
I think I lost her somewhere.
That’s fine.
I don’t feel like talking to Riri-chan right now.
An unsettling feeling lingered in my chest, and I kept walking, trying to shake it off.
But nothing changed.
I didn’t understand what I was feeling or what I should do.
The fluttering of my dress irritated me.
—Thud
“Ouch…”
I bumped into someone.
“S-Sorry.”
My mind was a mess.
I apologized for bumping into her.
“I should also apologize for not looking where I was—going…?”
“Eh…”
It was a familiar voice.
Standing before me was Futaba Yuu, with her short blue hair, wearing a black shirt and a long gray skirt.
“It’s Suzuna-chan. What’s wrong? You seem flustered.”
“Futaba…-senpai. No, it’s nothing.”
“Really? Walking so fast for no reason… are you always this hasty?”
Her lighthearted, elusive way of speaking was irritating in my current state.
“Just leave me alone.”
“It’s fate that we met here, so tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s a coincidence. And I have nothing to say.”
“But I can’t just leave you alone after seeing that expression on your face.”
“…What expression?”
I thought I was making my usual expression.
“You look… angry and sad.”
“…That’s a vague answer.”
If you name half of the human emotions, you’re bound to be right about something.
This person is unreliable.
“But it’s not wrong, is it?”
“It’s just my normal expression.”
“Come on, just talk about it. It might make you feel better.”
…This person is persistent.
She’s not listening to me at all.
“It’s faster to just talk and be done with it, rather than being pestered like this.”
“You shouldn’t say that about yourself.”
I want to escape from her too. I was too focused on getting away from Riri-chan.
My feet hurt from wearing these unfamiliar boots, so I can’t walk any faster.
I sighed.
“…I’ll leave as soon as I’m done talking.”
“That’s what I want to hear.”
It’s annoying that she’s getting her way.
◇◇◇
I sat down on a bench in a nearby park.
I explained what happened as concisely as possible.
“—Yeah, that’s jealousy.”
Futaba-senpai nodded solemnly.
Honestly, I’m tired of hearing that word.
Jealousy, envy…
Everyone uses those words so casually, but do they even know what they mean?
“That’s not true. Jealousy is a feeling you have when you love someone, right?”
“Hmm? Don’t you love her?”
“I don’t. She’s my friend.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“…What do you mean?”
“There’s such a thing as platonic love. Friendship is surely a form of love.”
Isn’t that just wordplay?
Just because the word contains “love,” it’s not romantic love.
…Ugh, thinking about love is making my head spin.
“So you can be jealous even between friends.”
“…Do you experience that, Futaba-senpai?”
Since talking about definitions seemed to be causing a Gestaltzerfall, I simply asked if she had experienced it herself.
If there are other people who feel this way, I might feel a little better.
“I do. For example—”
Futaba-senpai moved closer, shortening the distance between us on the bench.
She didn’t look away, her gaze steady.
“—I’m jealous of the person who’s making you jealous, Suzuna-chan.”
“…Excuse me?”
Her voice was flat.
It was hard to tell if she was serious or joking with her calm demeanor.
“See? It happens to me too. You should be more honest with your feelings, Suzuna-chan.”
Futaba-senpai moved back to her original position.
“Are you saying I’m not being straightforward?”
“Yeah, you’re trying to hide your feelings, and that’s why you’re so tired. You should just accept them and put them into words.”
She spoke casually, but it felt condescending.
…Well, she is my senpai, so it’s only natural.
“And it might even be… true love.”
“I told you, that’s not true.”
Was she joking after all?
Futaba-senpai chuckled.
“—Suzuna?!”
A tense voice cut through the quiet air around Futaba-senpai.
Riri-chan was out of breath.
“Is that the person you were talking about, Suzuna-chan?”
“Ah, yes, but…”
“Hmm, unexpected. You have a type, huh?”
What’s with that way of speaking, as if I’m choosing a romantic partner?
Futaba-senpai’s lighthearted remark seemed to displease Riri-chan.
“Hey, who are you? What are you doing with Suzuna?”
Riri-chan glared down at Futaba-senpai.
Even I, watching from the side, felt the intensity of her gaze.
“I’m Futaba Yuu. Suzuna-chan seemed troubled, so I offered her some advice. Hinase Riri-chan.”
Futaba-senpai also seemed to know Riri-chan, who is exceptionally famous within the school.
I had told Riri-chan about Futaba-senpai, so she recognized her immediately.
But I don’t understand why her brow furrowed even deeper…
“I see. But Suzuna is with me, so give her back.”
Riri-chan grabbed my arm.
“That’s why Suzuna-chan is hurting, you know? Treating her like she’s your possession.”
Riri-chan’s demeanor became even more tense.
“You don’t know anything about Suzuna or me, so don’t act all high and mighty.”
“Hmm, so it’s okay to make her suffer if you do know a lot about her?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“That’s how it sounds. And Suzuna-chan seemed to be having a hard time being swayed by your words.”
“That’s…”
Riri-chan’s voice trailed off, which was unusual for her.
“Well, if you want to treat her like an object, then you have to truly cherish her, you know? You can’t be flirting with other girls—”
Futaba-senpai stood up, her tone still ambiguous, a mix of seriousness and jest.
She placed her hand on Riri-chan’s shoulder.
“—Otherwise, someone else might take her away.”
“—!!”
She whispered the last part into Riri-chan’s ear, so I couldn’t hear it.
But Riri-chan’s expression hardened, so I knew it wasn’t anything good.
“Well, you two should get along. See you later, Suzuna-chan.”
Futaba-senpai waved and left the park.
…She’s truly an enigma.
“She’s annoying. I don’t like her type.”
Riri-chan was indignant.
It’s true that they don’t seem very compatible.
Or rather, Futaba-senpai probably doesn’t care.
“…Is that so?”
I couldn’t shake off Riri-chan’s grip on my arm and didn’t know what to do.
The animosity I felt earlier had somehow faded.
“Suzuna, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it like that. Kaede’s present was a last-minute thought. I should have told you.”
“…Ah, okay.”
I’m not an afterthought.
I’m not just an extra, that’s what Riri-chan is saying.
I couldn’t process it earlier, my emotions were all over the place.
But now, I could calmly accept those words.
“I think I was just… upset that I felt left out. …But I shouldn’t have acted like that. I’m sorry, I was being stupid.”
I’m probably more foolish than anyone, being swayed by emotions I don’t even understand.
I felt guilty for dragging Riri-chan into this mess.
“I won’t leave you behind, Suzuna, so don’t worry.”
“…Okay.”
I should trust Riri-chan more.
I’m weak-willed, easily swayed by my emotions.
But I should cherish Riri-chan, who stays by my side.
I held her hand tightly and stood up.
“I can’t leave you alone, Suzuna. You always get caught up with someone else.”
“Don’t talk about me like I’m a child.”
The dress fluttered around me, and this time, it felt… light.
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