19 Picking Up the Pieces
“…What should I do?”
I stood frozen in front of the bathroom mirror, my hands stilled.
It was because of my conversation with Riri-chan after school yesterday.
“Why don’t you change your hairstyle sometimes?”
Those words were disrupting my usual routine.
“Well, it’s not like I’m particularly attached to pigtails…”
My original self, Yukitsuki Mashiro, wore her black hair straight.
Simply because it was easiest.
Braiding takes effort.
And since I don’t particularly like it, there’s no point…
I only did it to maintain the “Amatsuki Suzuna” character.
But that’s no longer necessary.
I’m not her, and I can’t replicate her way of being.
“…R-Right. I’m just tired of braiding my hair. It’s not like I care about my appearance or that I’m being influenced by Riri-chan’s words. I’m just… too lazy to braid it anymore.”
I muttered to myself, even though no one was listening.
Yes, this is just the process of the lazy me overwriting Amatsuki Suzuna.
That’s all.
Goodbye, Amatsuki Suzuna. Welcome back, Yukitsuki Mashiro.
“…Well, either way, I’m still a plain, gloomy introvert. Haha…”
A dry laugh escaped my lips.
I combed my hair instead of braiding it.
Doing so, I noticed the slight wave in my hair.
“…Should I use a straightener?”
I opened the cabinet under the sink.
I took out a hair straightener that looked barely used.
I set the temperature and waited a few minutes.
After confirming that the light was on and it had heated up, I ran the straightener through my hair.
My wavy hair straightened.
“That should do it.”
As I was about to put the straightener away, I noticed something.
“There are contacts here.”
I instinctively knew they belonged to Amatsuki Suzuna.
My eyesight was just as bad as Amatsuki Suzuna’s, but I usually wore contacts.
It was a natural habit, and I rarely wore glasses.
“Should I wear contacts today?”
…But something didn’t sit right.
She had a straightener and contacts.
Both of these belonged to Amatsuki Suzuna.
But in the original story, there was no scene where she changed her appearance.
Not even in her route.
So why does she have these things?
“…Did Amatsuki Suzuna… actually want to change?”
But she didn’t choose to.
I think she was afraid that changing herself would also change her relationship with Shindo Minato.
Because I am her, and yet not her, I can somehow understand.
It might seem like I’m overthinking it, but it seems like something she, who always prioritizes Shindo Minato, would do.
The self that desires change, and the self that fears it.
She wavered between the two and chose not to change.
She probably tried to play the role of the “unremarkable childhood friend” that was convenient for Shindo Minato.
“But she’s much more admirable than me.”
Still, she made a choice.
Choosing not to change is different from simply standing still.
It’s incredibly painful to want to move forward but remain stationary.
To others, it might look like you’re just standing still, but for the person involved, it’s a constant struggle to suppress the urge to move.
And all for the sake of the person she likes.
Knowing that, I found her admirable.
I could never do that, and I don’t want to, but…
“…Well. Then I’ll become the person you wanted to be.”
For me, Yukitsuki Mashiro, this is a return to my former self.
For her, Amatsuki Suzuna, it’s a change.
So, even though this act is meaningless to me, it might be meaningful for her.
It was also a way for me, Yukitsuki Mashiro, who can’t imagine a future with Shindo Minato, to atone for Amatsuki Suzuna.
◇◇◇
“…That being said, this still feels strange.”
Leaving the house, the wind rustling through my hair felt new.
The absence of the weight of my glasses felt… too light.
Even though this was close to how I looked as Yukitsuki Mashiro, this body is Amatsuki Suzuna’s.
It was unavoidable that I felt a sense of discomfort with this different appearance.
“S-Suzuna…?! Th-That…!!”
“Um…”
Just before entering the downtown area, Riri-chan covered her mouth with her hand.
“Your hair… and your… glasses…!!”
“And please stop ambushing me like this. It’s like we have a standing appointment now.”
“That doesn’t matter! Suzuna, what happened?!”
“What happened…?”
Riri-chan seemed to hear my words but not listen to them.
She was only interested in the change in my appearance.
“You hated it so much yesterday, what made you change your mind?”
“I-It’s fine. Braiding is a pain, and my glasses get in the way during P.E.”
“Hee… I see… Hmm.”
Riri-chan grinned and moved closer.
Her intense stare was a bit uncomfortable.
“Don’t stare so much, it’s not a big deal.”
I just stopped braiding my hair and wearing glasses.
That’s all.
“No, it makes a big difference. I like it, you look cute, Suzuna.”
“That’s enough. I don’t need your flattery.”
I didn’t do this to be complimented, and I didn’t want Riri-chan’s opinion.
“It’s not flattery. Really, you look cute, Suzuna.”
Riri-chan stared intently into my eyes, emphasizing her words.
I know she’s serious when she has that earnest look in her eyes.
Or rather, I know that Riri-chan wouldn’t lie to me.
“That’s enough. You don’t have to keep saying it.”
Still, her serious tone made me look away.
It’s not normal to say “cute” with such intensity.
“…Suzuna, are you blushing?”
“I’m not.”
“Your ears are red.”
“They’re not.”
I was aware that my face was getting hot.
But I couldn’t admit it.
Admitting it would mean acknowledging that her words had affected me.
“Then can I touch them to check?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re not meant to be touched.”
“Then your hair is fine, right?”
A compromise: my hair. I don’t understand the logic.
“Well… fine.”
But my body heat wouldn’t transfer through my hair.
If this would end the conversation, then so be it.
“Really? Yay!”
Riri-chan gently touched my hair with her fingers.
She ran her fingers through it, and strands of hair slipped through her fingers.
“So smooth.”
“…I haven’t done anything to damage it.”
“Just like you, Suzuna.”
“What do you mean?”
“Straight and beautiful.”
Why is she suddenly so poetic?
Did she forget her sense of shame somewhere?
“That’s enough, let’s go to school.”
“Ah, wait. Tell me why you changed your mind.”
“…The reason?”
“You wanted to change things up too, didn’t you, Suzuna?”
“…Half of it.”
“Half?”
The other half was the lingering feelings of Amatsuki Suzuna.
I think I picked up those feelings.
That’s probably why my heart feels a little lighter.
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