Chapter 64: Not Enough p1
The Rose Room was quite spacious, easily accommodating three round tables.
Dong Yuannan and his group were at the table closest to the door. Mi Hongdou and Ji Junxin entered, placed the large plate of fried rice on their table, exchanged a few greetings, and then looked around for Jiang Lingling, who was supposed to have the small plate, only to find her sitting at the furthest table, tucked away in the corner.
Mi Hongdou told Ji Junxin to sit down and carried the small plate of fried rice over to Jiang Lingling. Jiang Lingling, her mouth and nose covered with tissues, was huddled in the corner. Seeing Mi Hongdou approach, she gestured for her to place the fried rice on the lazy Susan. Mi Hongdou put down the plate and glanced at the dishes on Jiang Lingling’s table. Although they were served in small plates and pots, there were quite a few, far exceeding a single person’s portion. If she had known so many people were coming, she wouldn’t have given her so much… Mi Hongdou felt a little regretful, but she didn’t take any food back.
Actually, Jiang Lingling had ordered quite a lot of ingredients, and the portions were much more generous than those of an ordinary restaurant. The spicy chicken alone used six large chicken legs, the crispy, golden-fried chicken nestled among the bright red chili peppers, a generous and visually appealing dish. Mi Hongdou had also used the entire piece of beef brisket for the braised potatoes. The braised chicken with chestnuts contained about two and a half chickens. Not to mention the chicken soup made with the three legless hens. This table had more than three chickens, over three pounds of beef brisket, two large fish, a large plate of egg fried rice enough for everyone to have a small bowl, and three kinds of soup.
If the main dishes weren’t enough, there was always soup… Urged by the expectant diners, Mi Hongdou temporarily dismissed the idea of making more dishes and sat down to eat, deciding to assess the situation later. Perhaps… they could fill up on soup? Mi Hongdou thought about the half pot of chicken soup still in the kitchen and felt a little more at ease.
Dong Yuannan and Director Pan were the oldest at the table. They exchanged a few polite words, but neither made the first move. Dong Yuannan then raised his glass to Mi Hongdou, who had worked hard for hours to prepare this feast, and everyone followed suit.
Her glass of coconut juice clinked against everyone’s, even Jiang Lingling, who was sitting at a separate table, raised her glass. Mi Hongdou smiled and clinked glasses with everyone, her heart filled with mixed emotions. Unknowingly, so many things had changed from her previous life to this one. Even now, she still couldn’t quite believe that she had been reborn. The smoother things went, the better they became, it was like walking on clouds, flying higher and higher, happy and comfortable, but also a little unsteady, like her feet weren’t touching the ground.
The last to clink glasses with Mi Hongdou was Ji Junxin, sitting next to her. Perhaps because she wasn’t paying attention, the clinking sound was a little loud. The glass-on-glass impact startled Mi Hongdou, a feeling of a beautiful dream shattering. Fortunately, Ji Junxin’s warm smile reassured her.
After the toast, the atmosphere became harmonious and friendly, and everyone eagerly reached for the dishes they had been eyeing.
Perhaps because she was almost certain that Qiao Rubai was also reborn, Mi Hongdou unconsciously looked in her direction. Qiao Rubai efficiently filled a small bowl with chicken soup for Yang Miemie, placed it in front of herself, then served Yang Lianyi, and finally, carefully stirred and cooled Yang Miemie’s soup. She was so skilled… Mi Hongdou was almost dumbfounded.
In her previous life, Yang Lianyi, having taken a liking to Qiao Rubai, had tried to sign her to Mengguan, pestering her for years without success. Qiao Rubai had always been cold and distant, only making small concessions when truly exasperated, like wearing that hairpin she hated. But in this life… Mi Hongdou thought of Qiao Rubai’s attire when she signed her contract at Mengguan, perfectly matching Yang Lianyi’s preferences but definitely not Qiao Rubai’s usual style, and her current attentive and caring demeanor towards Yang Lianyi and Yang Miemie… So, after her death in her previous life, had something extraordinary happened between them? Mi Hongdou was curious, but not curious enough to reveal her own secret.
She had thought about her rebirth carefully. She wouldn’t take the initiative reveal it to Qiao Rubai. It felt a bit awkward to bring it up, considering she had fallen from the wires at Qiong Yu. But if Qiao Rubai asked, she would admit it. Or perhaps… she was still avoiding it, afraid that a conversation about rebirth with Qiao Rubai would shatter her beautiful dream. After all, she didn’t need any uncertainty or instability now, this moment was perfect enough.
Director Pan, smiling, served his wife a bowl of silver carp and tofu soup. Their loving interaction was enviable. Mi Hongdou now understood how Jiang Lingling had won over Director Pan with the braised pig’s feet. Director Pan’s wife, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the soup, looked just like Ji Junxin.
Thinking of Ji Junxin, Mi Hongdou glanced at her and saw her pick up a piece of beef brisket from the curry, carefully maneuvering her chopsticks. The beef brisket pieces were quite large and coated in thick curry sauce, making it difficult for Ji Junxin to pick them up. Just as Mi Hongdou was about to offer her a spoon, Ji Junxin finally managed to get the beef brisket back to… Mi Hongdou’s plate. Ji Junxin only had time to smile at Mi Hongdou and whisper, “Eat,” before returning to the front lines of the food war.
Suddenly, she no longer envied Director Pan’s wife! Mi Hongdou, returning the favor, scooped a spoonful of beef, potatoes, and curry sauce onto Ji Junxin’s plate, saving the tablecloth. She then popped the piece of beef brisket Ji Junxin had given her into her mouth. Hmm, it was even more delicious than what she usually made! Had her cooking skills received a special buff today? Mi Hongdou thought, feeling inexplicably happy, and then, happiness turned to pain.
The young empress’s solo scene the night before, although praised by Director Pan, had left Mi Hongdou with a troublesome injury. She had been too immersed in the role and bitten the inside of her lower lip, drawing blood. It had only happened once in her two lifetimes.
The wound healed quickly, no longer bleeding this morning, and it should be completely healed in a few days. Mi Hongdou had been careful while cooking and tasting, avoiding it. But she hadn’t expected… to be so engrossed in eating a piece of beef brisket that the curry sauce touched the still slightly open wound. The pain made her wince.
“What’s wrong?” Ji Junxin, noticing Mi Hongdou flinch, stopped and asked, concerned.
“It’s nothing…” Mi Hongdou carefully took a sip of coconut juice and gave Ji Junxin a chestnut. “Eat more.”
“Did you touch your lip?” Ji Junxin put down her spoon, anxious. With so many people around, it wasn’t convenient to check.
“No, I was careful.” Mi Hongdou smiled, hiding her discomfort.
Ji Junxin scrutinized Mi Hongdou for a moment, but seeing nothing unusual, she continued eating. That thin chef in the kitchen earlier was really annoying, hovering around Mi Hongdou, making it awkward for her to try the food. She had endured the delicious smells in the kitchen, wasn’t she entitled to enjoy the food now!
Her chopsticks hovered between the chestnuts and the beef brisket, and she finally picked up a piece of beef. Hmm… the curry flavor was rich, mellowed by the coconut milk, without the harshness of the spices, creating a more palatable taste. The beef brisket was braised perfectly, tender yet firm, chewy but not tough, infused with the rich aroma of curry. She took a bite of potato. The fried outer layer locked in the soft, braised inside. One bite, and the whole potato melted in her mouth like mashed potatoes, mixed with the shredded coconut in the curry sauce, incredibly fragrant.
Ji Junxin elegantly and discreetly scraped the plate clean of the curry sauce.
Of course, this “discreetly” didn’t include Mi Hongdou.
For some reason, Mi Hongdou’s attention was easily drawn to Ji Junxin today. Not that she hadn’t paid attention to her before. But “especially” meant she couldn’t take her eyes off her for even a moment. During the morning filming, it went without saying. Even during breaks, even before Dong Yuannan brought the pig’s feet, Mi Hongdou had been eager to return to the backstage area. While cooking at noon, this attentiveness became even more apparent. Whether washing, chopping, or stir-frying vegetables, she would unconsciously look for Ji Junxin in the spacious kitchen. She didn’t care what Ji Junxin was doing, it was as if just seeing her gave her the peace of mind to continue working.
Even the usually oblivious Mi Hongdou noticed her own unusual behavior. Or rather, not just today’s.
The lonely empress scene the night before, not only Director Pan found it difficult to film, but Mi Hongdou also lacked confidence. The thought of having to act heartbroken and resentful because of Zhang Zijing made her uncomfortable. In the previous love scenes, she had substituted Ji Junxin’s image for Zhang Zijing to immerse herself in the role and complete the scenes. She could use the common ground between fangirling and romantic love – the admiration, the longing, the unfulfilled expectations – to get into character. But in this scene, where the empress felt lost, resentful, even angry and despairing because of the emperor’s favoritism towards someone else… If she applied it to the fan-idol relationship, Mi Hongdou couldn’t imagine herself feeling so devastated just because Ji Junxin was friendly to other fans. So, in this scene, the common ground between fangirling and romantic love was broken. Mi Hongdou couldn’t substitute Ji Junxin’s image for Zhang Zijing to immerse herself in the role. Her usual method had reached its limit.
She had played heartbroken and betrayed characters before… but the difference was, those co-stars hadn’t been so annoying. At least, not as annoying as Zhang Zijing. Just the thought of having to act heartbroken because of him made her instantly detach from the role. Before filming, she tried to recall her previous performances of heartbreak and loss, to remember her emotions then. This method did evoke some feelings, but looking at herself in the mirror, Mi Hongdou felt it wasn’t enough.
Yes, not enough. Mi Hongdou was determined to outshine Zhang Zijing and Jiang Duo in “Imperial Secrets,” to make Ji Junxin no longer notice them, no longer admire or approach them. So, in every scene, no matter who her co-star was, even Zhang Zijing, she strived for perfection, pushing herself to the limit. To become good enough, brilliant enough, to have the power to capture Ji Junxin’s attention and prevent her from being deceived, this was Mi Hongdou’s greatest aspiration as a die-hard fan.
Different scripts, different characters, the common ground was limited. Recalling her previous performances of loss and heartbreak only offered some inspiration and guidance. If she completely immersed herself in those past roles, her portrayal of the young empress would lose its unique flavor, becoming a patchwork of unnecessary elements.
How to stay true to the young empress’s character while also portraying her pain became Mi Hongdou’s biggest challenge.
Until just minutes before filming, Mi Hongdou was still studying the script. Her gaze lingered on the opening lines of the scene: “Tonight, the fifteenth of the month, when he was supposed to visit her, he didn’t come. And on the first of the month, he had also stayed elsewhere. He wasn’t deliberately slighting the empress, he had simply fallen deeply in love with Miao Qianye and wanted to be with her every moment, forgetting everything else.”
The empress was heartbroken because the emperor was with Miao Qianye.
For Mi Hongdou, she disliked Zhang Zijing so much that whenever she thought of the emperor, she saw his face. She wasn’t interested in who he was with. But what if it were Ji Junxin? The Ji Junxin she wanted to protect so carefully, if she was taken away by Zhang Zijing, how would she feel? And she couldn’t even say anything, couldn’t express her feelings.
Just the thought made Mi Hongdou want to vomit blood.
Yes! That was it! Mi Hongdou suppressed her urge to vomit blood and asked Director Pan to rehearse alone, to find the right feeling.
Actually, Mi Hongdou had vaguely felt that something was off about using Ji Junxin’s image to replace Zhang Zijing in their scenes together. But the method was so effective, perfectly aligning with her desire for perfection, that she gradually ignored that feeling. Until this scene of the lonely empress, when she imagined that after all her efforts, after their seemingly harmonious friendship, Miao Qianye and the emperor, Ji Junxin and Zhang Zijing, still ended up together.
At first, she could still follow the script: sitting alone by the window, dismissing the food. But soon, she couldn’t suppress the overwhelming sadness and helplessness. The later throwing of the cups, the drunken acting, the crying, weren’t just an impromptu performance, it was her losing control, being swept away by her emotions.
She smashed the cups one by one, the water intoxicating her, truly intoxicating her. She cried, until the pain on her lips brought her back to reality, a sliver of clarity returning.
Then came the angry throwing of the shards, that was the improvised part.
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