Chapter 16: A Thread of Attachment
Acquiring information is often quick; absorbing and applying it is usually slow. Like eating, the more delicious the food, the more you eat, the longer it takes to digest. Ji Junxin felt the same way about her conversation with Mi Hongdou.
After their brief exchange, Ji Junxin returned to her own set. Perhaps because she had something on her mind, the filming wasn’t as smooth as usual. Fortunately, she only had scenes with extras that day. Even with something on her mind, it wasn’t difficult for Ji Junxin, she just wasn’t performing at her best. Director Pan hesitated several times during the process, feeling that compared to Ji Junxin’s previous performances, something was missing. But he couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, so he eventually let it pass.
“Imperial Secrets” had a huge investment and high standards, so they weren’t too concerned about rushing the schedule. This was also one of the reasons Director Pan accepted the project. If a scene wasn’t good, they would repeatedly rehearse and film it until it was satisfactory. If the day’s filming went smoothly and there was extra time, they could even add scenes from later in the script. The filming that day wasn’t particularly good, but it wasn’t bad either. It was completed, but, as Director Pan put it, it felt somewhat unsatisfactory for some reason. So, although there were no NGs and there was still some time left, Director Pan wasn’t in the mood to film any more scenes, and they wrapped up for the day.
It was only a little past two in the afternoon when they finished. Ji Junxin’s next scene wasn’t until the next afternoon. After a brief consideration, she informed the crew that she was returning to Jiang City and would be back on set on time tomorrow. Driving from Shudian Film City back to Jiang City, even without traffic, would take five hours. She probably wouldn’t get home until eight in the evening, and she would have to leave for the set early the next morning to make it in time for the afternoon scenes… What was the point of such a tiring trip? The distance was long, and driving was exhausting. Lu Gaoshi wasn’t happy, but even after repeatedly trying to dissuade her, she couldn’t change Ji Junxin’s mind.
Although Lu Gaoshi tried to dissuade her gently, her reluctance was written all over her face. Ji Junxin, preoccupied with her thoughts, wasn’t blind: “I’m not going back for company business this time, so Sister Lu doesn’t need to go back.”
“Ah… how can that be? It’s so far, how can I let you go alone? I’ll drive you back.” Hearing that Ji Junxin wasn’t asking her to go back, Lu Gaoshi was secretly delighted, but quickly dismissed the thought of slacking off. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, but she didn’t dare. She wasn’t qualified to manage an artist of Ji Junxin’s caliber. If it weren’t for Qiao Rubai helping with the tasks a manager should handle, and Ji Junxin’s insistence on keeping her, she wouldn’t have the ability or qualifications to continue being Ji Junxin’s manager. Lu Gaoshi lacked competence, but she wasn’t stupid. It was just that the previous leisurely pace had made her lazy and almost forget her duties. Until a month ago, Qiao Rubai, for some reason, started gradually handing over some of the manager’s tasks to her. Although it wasn’t much, it was enough to keep the incompetent Lu Gaoshi busy and stressed… Lu Gaoshi initially thought that Qiao Rubai was too busy, so she was delegating some of the work. But time and time again, whenever she managed to complete a task with great effort, another one would arrive. Lu Gaoshi didn’t believe that at her age, Qiao Rubai would be trying to train her to become an all-knowing and all-powerful manager… If it wasn’t training, then it was… Lu Gaoshi wasn’t very capable, but she was scheming. Soon, she deliberately messed up a task Qiao Rubai assigned her, a task that wouldn’t cause any real harm even if it was messed up. To Lu Gaoshi’s surprise, Qiao Rubai didn’t scold her, and didn’t even seem to mention it to Ji Junxin. She silently cleaned up the mess, but her gaze towards Lu Gaoshi became deeper, more unreadable. Something felt off. Lu Gaoshi tried to subtly probe Ji Junxin, but this girl whose mind was only on food was really… What made Lu Gaoshi even more apprehensive was that, upon closer inspection, the tasks Qiao Rubai assigned her were all those that wouldn’t cause any real harm even if messed up, but were very complicated, troublesome, and mentally taxing. This made Lu Gaoshi, who had been doing an assistant’s job with a manager’s salary, feel exhausted. Lu Gaoshi couldn’t guess Qiao Rubai’s intentions, but as long as she clung tightly to Ji Junxin, Qiao Rubai probably wouldn’t dare to fire her openly.
Therefore, Lu Gaoshi, who desperately wanted to seize the opportunity and not return to Jiang City, didn’t dare to let Ji Junxin drive back alone. She had to go along, and not only that, but she had to be a good driver, solidifying her seemingly stable but actually precarious position.
Ji Junxin pretended not to notice the flash of joy in Lu Gaoshi’s eyes when she suggested that she stay behind. She just nodded obediently and got into the back seat.
The back seat, not the passenger seat. It was a pity that Lu Gaoshi, after being with Ji Junxin for so long, didn’t understand what this small but significant change meant.
In the rearview mirror, Ji Junxin had closed her eyes and fallen asleep… Lu Gaoshi shook her head as she drove. This girl was so capricious. Didn’t she know that it was very tiring for someone her age to drive for five hours? Going back just like that, becoming more and more capricious, it was all Qiao Rubai’s fault for spoiling her. And that Jiang Duo was useless. After more than a month, she still hadn’t managed to make a good impression. She kept saying that when she became famous, she wouldn’t forget her kindness and would pay her handsomely to come back and work for her. Psh, by the time she became famous and hired her back, after all that effort, the treatment might not even be as good as what she had with Ji Junxin. If it weren’t for her being that person’s daughter, she wouldn’t have helped her get close to Ji Junxin. But now it seemed that Qiao Rubai’s intentions towards her were unclear. If she was really fired, she might really have to support Jiang Duo to secure her own job. Lu Gaoshi started to feel glad that she had agreed to help Jiang Duo out of sentimentality. Perhaps, in the end, it would actually be helping herself. Thinking this, she felt a little more relaxed, a smile appearing on her face as she enjoyed the breeze.
Sleeping while sitting isn’t comfortable, but Ji Junxin managed to sleep soundly. She only woke up once midway, wanting to take over driving for a while. After being refused by Lu Gaoshi, she fell asleep again. Just like that, she slept all the way home, still drowsy when she was woken up.
Although not fully awake, Ji Junxin firmly declined Lu Gaoshi’s offer to walk her upstairs. Then, she watched as Lu Gaoshi, whose worried expression couldn’t hide her joy, drove away.
Why did she have to see it so clearly… Ji Junxin thought of what Qiao Rubai had repeatedly emphasized to her recently.
A soft sigh, only she could hear.
The one-bedroom apartment was clean and tidy, with a faint scent of oranges in the air. The familiar surroundings made Ji Junxin relax. Fortunately, she hadn’t listened to Qiao Rubai and bought a bigger house. Such a big house would be a hassle to clean. Perhaps even Ji Junxin herself wasn’t aware that her insistence on choosing a small apartment was a subconscious territorial instinct. With a small apartment, it was inconvenient for others to visit, and even if they did, they couldn’t stay overnight. Therefore, this was her sanctuary, a place for just her.
There weren’t many people who could come up here in the first place. Now, perhaps there was one less.
Several oranges placed in the fruit bowl for their fragrance had ripened. Ji Junxin squeezed each one, choosing the ripest one to eat. The sweet and sour, refreshing taste washed away the day’s fatigue and awakened her appetite.
Opening the refrigerator, there were plenty of vegetables, meat, and eggs. Usually, Lu Gaoshi would regularly buy fresh groceries and bring them over, often cooking a few dishes for her. Lu Gaoshi’s cooking skills were decent, certainly not as good as a restaurant chef, but better than the average housewife. Looking at the fully stocked refrigerator, Ji Junxin thought of Lu Gaoshi’s kindness and her heart softened.
However, she was gone now, so…
Ji Junxin started cooking the rice and took out two eggs from the pile of ingredients. So, if she had to rely on herself, she could only have egg fried rice.
While the rice was cooking, Ji Junxin had some free time. And with free time, she thought of her conversation with Mi Hongdou that morning. She hadn’t expected that Mi Hongdou, as a newcomer without formal training, would have such a detailed understanding of immersion. Not only that, but her views on how to quickly detach from the immersed state were what truly intrigued Ji Junxin.
“If you consider the world within the drama and the real world you live in as two parallel worlds, then you can try to repeatedly and suggestively memorize the things you love, care about, and are most reluctant to part with in reality. Memorize them so well that even when you’re immersed, even when you enter the world of the drama, even if you can’t recall the real world, even if you can’t recall that specific thing, as long as you remember that thread of attachment, that reluctance to let go, it will be much easier to detach from the drama. After all, even when immersed, even when you truly consider yourself the character in the drama, it’s impossible to develop something within the short span of the script, within the drama, that can rival the love you have in reality.”
The biggest problem with immersion is the blurring of lines between the drama and reality, making it difficult to find your true self after becoming immersed. So, what is your true self? What Mi Hongdou said, identifying one thing in reality that you love, care about, and are most reluctant to part with, repeatedly affirming and suggesting it, establishes a part of your true self. Then, after becoming immersed, if you can’t immediately detach, you can rely on this thread of attachment to quickly find this part of your true self, and thus find yourself before you became immersed. This thing is like an anchor, tying an invisible rope to the immersed person. The more important this thing is to the person, the stronger the pull, the easier it is to detach.
Mi Hongdou’s words were enlightening to Ji Junxin, but they also raised a new question. For Ji Junxin, what was the thing she loved, cared about, and was most reluctant to part with?
The rice cooker gurgled, and the aroma of rice filled the air, quickly overpowering the faint fruity scent in the room. Ji Junxin’s stomach growled in response. Could it be that the thing she loved, cared about, and was most reluctant to part with was food? Thinking this, Ji Junxin almost laughed at her own wild imagination.
Suppressing her laughter, she gently traced the edge of her phone with her fingertip. After a long while, she tapped the screen. The cursor flickered back and forth in the contacts list. Finally, Ji Junxin dialed one of the numbers…
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